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August 2, 2007

Read at own risk

Today was a very interesting day. For one, it was full of people.

It started out as a day that promised the blues, I was tired, cranky and generally fuming about putting myself into stupid situations. See, the problem is that no matter how much of a Bond I try to be – oh I am so brave, nothing matters to me, fuck you if you say something, I don’t care, bla bla blah – it does affect me when people get nasty. Or say nasty things. Particularly when those people are supposedly ‘close’ or if I like them.

So the day started out with nastiness and would have spiraled into more had things not taken for the Outrightly Weird. Erm, people actually seemed to ENJOY talking to me today. I am in shock. All of today, someone or the other chose to share their thoughts or share their time… and each time it happened, I looked at the faces to see if everyone was all right. See, it’s not like that everyday… it’s the headphones, me and typity-type-type… (Argh, my left ear just went ‘silent’ on me, I hate it when it happens all of a sudden, one moment you are hearing all right and suddenly there’s this funny, stuffy feeling and you hear less on one side)

First the responses that came to the last post. And here I was mistakenly thinking that one knows reader pulse etc. But people seemed to react more enthusiastically to the vital stats post than to other posts. Hmm. What does it say? That people read what they want to and you really cannot read people’s minds.

Like you cannot read the minds of those who call themselves your friends. Particularly when it comes to the office scenario. This whole thing of fraternizing with office people and being ‘buddies’ is a bucket-load of scam, as far as I am concerned. Yes, there are connections at work, but to think that the entire office is your best friend is rather moronic. Of course I am the other extreme – but hey, with good reason, I had a case of U-Know-Poo (god bless JK Rowling, she had NO idea how accurate she was, ha ha ha, has own private laugh) – who thinks that anyone who wants to be a friend at work MUST carry either a machete, or a knife or at least a scalpel to dig right into your back.

Office friendships, like office affairs are just that, for-the-moment and matters of convenience. It takes a job change, a new joinee or a better promotion for another to shake the foundations of bosom-buddiness. It’s funny how professionalism can at times take the person out of us. Or un-professionalism for that matter. LOL. Funnier still: I think women never grow out of school, even in their workplaces. They always want to be the favourite. Thankfully after U-Know-Poo it has stopped with me; but have noticed it for long that women play at being favourites. Even a chick who’s bloody good at her job will somehow try to ingratiate herself to the boss by means other than work. No, I don’t mean sex. There are always little ways to stand out of the clutter without going overboard: Casual reference to the kids, remark on the outfit, perhaps a show of extra initiative. (Smiles) Yup, have/had caught myself doing it too. Perhaps its instinct to want to please the leader of the pack… women do it oftener. They just like being the pet.

And dude, once you make a woman realize she’s not the pet, it’s bad news. Women are also bad losers. And unfortunately, once they take offence – however imaginary or illogical – logic does not work. They behave quite like men here: pigheadedly that is. And only women throw tantrums on professional grounds. Makes me cringe at times. Frankly speaking – despite the fact that I AM a woman – crying when screamed at is not cool. When upset, women cry and try as we might, that IS the way it is. Much like men have involuntary boners, women can’t help their tears. However, crying due to other reasons and crying because your boss screamed or you had a fight are COMPLETELY different things. Women at times forget that they were not hired because they are women but because they bring certain skill sets as professionals. Professionals don’t weep when blasted for their faults. They fucking fix those faults. ANYWAY.

Why I am getting into Eve Corporate Lecturer mode is because it’s because of chicks who do chick-like things, professional chicks don’t get their due. ARGH. ANYWAY. This is supposed to be a fucking sex blog. And I don’t know how the fuck did I end up getting angry??? And when? This started out being a happy post! (goes back to top…)

(…and of course has lost the thread of it-was-to-be-a-happy post) Hmm. So when I was not busy wondering about work politics, I moderated a live chat. Nothing spectacular there, except if you see the way things heighten just two minutes before the chat is to go live, you’d think we were nuking our neighbours. :) But it’s good fun. Currently, I seem to be enjoying my work. Hmm. Touch wood! Since my friend says I should not preempt negative things by thinking about them… so I shall not think that just because I am enjoying my work it means something bad is about to happen. Like me getting fired. It’s as easy as sending me to interview a celebrity… SOMETHING always happens.

The last time I tried interviewing the second brother of a once-illustrous-now-by-gone Bollywood family -- and they are known to be a 'garam' family - he called me a dwarf and threatened me and then proceeded to call everyone in the Top Echelons of the organization. The fact that I had him on tape ABUSING me, was of course ignored by the management. :) OHO. Again I am veering from the happy post. So to cut the chase and before I divert into another story… here’s what made me happy today; am sharing because it was People who made me happy! How strange.

Ø I knew of him, accidentally came to know him, was forced to add him on g-talk (rather he was!)… and he gave encouragement by saying, “what rot. You are” when I denied being in the process of writing a book or any such thing. Encouragement in the sense of an I-acknowledge-you/blog-exist. Hmm. I will get into that some other time. I have written earlier though, haven’t I (think I have), that what I write and me, are supposedly considered ‘fakes’?

Ø He listens to blabberings, however inconsequential, with a patience that is sometimes eerie. And if per chance, there is an iota of feasibility in the idea, it is allowed to become a possibility. I am not an easy person to ‘back’; so those who do it, I am aware, take an extra step. And I am a loyalist. I remember.

Ø She calls and finds time and what was supposed to be chit-chat turns into happy hours and vodka (and well, I wasted alcohol again). Again I realized how thoroughly I enjoy talking to her. And that’s what: When you are genuinely interested in someone, you don’t need to feign it or search for topics.

Ø They, who don’t know me, but somehow in reading, in responding, show a little trust; and lawrd, it feels good. Call it loser-ness, feeling good about anonymous clicks, but it fucking feels good. (Thankyou!) (And now Serial Fucker will probably say he hates this post)

Ø And she, who gets paid a lot, but not enough for the CARE, which is real, she shows. No pay includes thinking of getting fruits or setting curd since I love milk and milk products (oh well) or planting a little sapling because I was missing plants those days. When imagined-close ones are apathetic, the empathy of strangers is a bittersweet salve.

Hmmm. Seriously, this post… I started initially with a conscious thought, but somewhere – I think it was that damn ear-pressure thing – I gave up structuring and just followed my thoughts. Did you notice – or was it just me – that I seem unable to write a positively positive post? Hmm.

PS: Repeat, positive thinking is when you are positive something will go wrong.

PS 2: Attempted starts to this post that were discarded:. Politics and being clandestine is something I absolutely abhor. If you want to see the true nature of a person, either punch them hard in the gut or watch them with their money. . PEOPLE! They terrify me and yet, I so enjoy some of them. Today was all about people, actually about near-strangers and strange things. . It was a funny, sweet day today: Sweet, because there were rather nice things happening to me; and funny, because ‘sweet’ things don’t happen to me. (Hmm, probably means something really bad is going to unfold real soon. Oh well)

4 comments:

deepti said...

well, I saw you tried at keeping it positive..almost! You're a genius at that, even if not other things ;-)

Anonymous said...

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ok. i am curious now. whoz this third brother guy (randhir kapoor? (is he alive?) )

deepali said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
serendipity said...

hail, hail...the little unexpected surprises that fill up your day and bring you joy if only momentary are always welcome :P
keep at it...here's sending you a lot of positive vibes...cheers!