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May 26, 2007

:|

Actually.... I am not feeling brave or confrontational or anything. But I definitely feel like two people. One who surfs the net, goes out to parties, does her shopping, listens to music, paints her nails, plays with her dog.... does EVERYTHING alone and she is secure and safe and not hurting and becoming increasingly self-sufficient.

And there is the girl/woman who does everything alone and sees proof of how aberrant she is to all that is 'normal' and 'usual' around her.

Go to Facebook... most couples have am-so-in-love pics, most women will have theirs and their boyfriend pic up in their profiles. Go shopping and you will see couples or pairs or people TOGETHER... him holding the bags or the kids and she checking each window.

Go to a club and you dont know what to do on slow numbers when everyone around you grabs their partners and does the I-am-getting-into-you baby dance. There you are, hopping away by yourself.

It's funny when you go to the bar to order a drink - Red Bull or water in my case - you are not visible (I am also just 5 feet, barely reach ANY bar's height!)... and while other women stand on the side and wait for their drinks prettily, there you are getting elbowed or jostled and not being seen, because, of course, free, independent, ball-breaking woman that you, you are alone and therefore will get your drinks yourself.

It's weird when you are dancing by yourself and suddenly find that there are four huge, weird men standing around you, looking at you in a way that tells you they are doing you in their minds. Or some guy intentionally rubs past you...just BECAUSE he knows you are alone. There isn't anyone picking up that fight for me. But HELL, if THAT is going to stop me.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
I just want to fucking live my fucking life on my fucking terms. And. I Will.

Message to self = Won't.
Message to the piss-offers = Don't.

1 comments:

Raccoon said...

Eve, a single woman in a shopping mall or a disco is so much more cooler and desirable than a woman who walks in with a chump draped around her.

and more often than not in case of couples its a 'langoor ke mooh me angoor'