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April 30, 2007

Your relationship is over when...

Yeah, this is a way old post...almost two years old...but what the heck, makes sense and am not feeling very original right now. At least I am plagiarising myself. :D

Why do relationships - be it a marriage, a two week affair or an association of years - break up? It would be so easy to say it must be the man's fault and indulge in some good-for-ego male bashing. However, both men and women have dumped, walked out and given up on their relationships. Not because the guy was a wife/partner beater or because the woman was a haridan. It's the small things. However, before the small things become big issues and your relationship blows in your face -- here are the signs you (both he and she) need to watch out for. See them, recognise them and get out of the situation before you are at the receiving end.
Believe me, it's far better to be the dumper than the dumpee — 10 signs that say your relationship is OVER (tried, tested, been there, done them!):

1. He: Comes back home at 3 am every night (morning?) and says it's because his computer crashed. Every time.
She: Refuses a ride back with you because she doesn't know how late she'd be. Of course, "some colleague" will drop her back.

2. He: Doesn't tell you where his money is going; but there's never anything left. Worse still is when you don't even know his salary break up!
She: Discusses her taxation troubles with that guy at work/ friend's brother/ someone else instead of you... and you happen to be a CA.

3. He: Talks most about a woman and strangely, she is ALWAYS a 'bloody bitch'.
She: Talks about a man and strangely, he is ALWAYS either gay or has a girlfriend. And if the so-called good friend at work also has a convenient fiance, you have two days to move out.

4. He: Wants to avoid a party till the time you are going. Once you decline, he suddenly remembers an old obligation and has to go. Without you.
She: Decks up for this "really boring but imperative" office do. Of course the backless is because she has to be a professional even when she doesn't like it.

5. He: Refuses to take you for official functions due to 'new management rules'. The new female colleague in office however, has to accompany him everywhere. Even movie shows.
She: Debuts on stage or wins an award and you read about it in the papers. It's worse if she forgot to invite you or forgot you in her 'thanks to these people' list.

6. He: Tells you to take notes after his mother has rearranged your drawing room, bedroom and underwear basket as well.
She: Tells you to take notes from the 'Kamasutra For Beginners' that she gifts you on your birthday.

7. He: Thinks that whatever you do for him is because he 'allows' it or because it's his will.
She: Refuses to do anything for you because she says she's developing a Superwoman complex.

8. He: Eyes women passing-by, looks at you and says, "So what if you have a jelly belly? I like my li'l piglet!". And says it in public.
She: Is anti-men waxing and yet looks at you and says, "So what if you are very hairy? I have a thing for furry creatures."

9. He: Insists you get inspired by porn while doing it, then stops midway to discuss how his 'favourite' Rebecca Lord should have been an A-grade Hollywood actress.
She: Starts laughing while looking at the porn and thinks you look like Ron Jeremy. From the waist up.

10. He: Suggests you go to a shrink when you say points 1-9 are the reasons the two of you aren't working out. If he calls them 'trivial', you should've dumped him long back.
She: Looks relieved and smiles when you say points 1-9 are reasons the two of you aren't working out and then says, "Finally! It took you nine points to realise?!"

Post Script: If you are reading this, you two sure need to have The Talk. If you got this as a forward from a pal and you are a woman, your friends are right. If you are a male and you got this as a forward (from her) — she is telling you something buddy!