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April 9, 2007

I can shrink to fit!

In another month (some days short) I am going to hit 29, running. And lawrd, I swear I was sitting for my college entrance exams just the other day....
Maintenance Check:
1. No grey hair, not even a strand...anywhere!
2. Ever so light, laugh lines, no crows' feet yet
3. Don't border on fair anymore, definitley, darkly, dusky

4. Had thick, bushy caterpillar eyebrows -- now they've been tweezed and threaded into feminine curves under the expertise of nimble fingers and an often-wet thread
(Warning for women - and men - to not go for threading when you have cuts and pimples. Also, please ask the salon person to immediately stop the moment you feel a wet thread. It is not ok. A thread that's been wet with someone else's saliva is not just gross, it's unhealthy and could mean AIDS or Herpes).

5. Realised - amidst a lot of other jumping thoughts that I forgot to pen down - that, umm... I lost my virginity at 19. It does not feel like 10 years since I first... nah it doesn't feel, NOT, nah, unh-unh.

6. Skin has become 'finer' than earlier - thanks to the cigarettes - and marks very easily.

7. SIGH. Hair is completely different, from down to my hips, straight hair, it's now short and reaches the bra strap. In another 6 months though, should be almost long. But it's not growing out straight anymore, it's just wild and all over the place.

8. The overall face, it's much leaner than I have ever been , suddenly discovered that I have cheek bones! And a jaw line!

9. The last time I had any sort of fringe was at 4...when I wore frocks that showed my panties. Heh heh, should try that now. :)

10. FUCK! There was a time I was 4! And 21 and brazen! Sigh. I was 21! :( SIGH.
11. Realised that Nubile Young Thing will NEVER apply to me anymore.
12. Realised that it was yesterday that I read an article that said facials are a must after you are 25...and am not getting the mandatory necessary-to-look-younger massages!

13. Is very grateful that science is constantly advancing: in another 8-10 years, in vitro fertilisation would have developed far more to bother about biological clocks etc.
And it would not cost as much to look like Demi Moore at 40. (Or bag a 25-year-old)

14. Have developed a strange empathy for people who say they have a committment phobia; even if the said people are Men. Some people just can't.

15. Ten years since the first relationship, and am still wondering if committment is perhaps about finding the right person or deciding to commit to the one you are with, right or wrong.

16. There is no point in cribbing; and no matter how much you complain, there IS a merit to saving for a rainy day.

17. Finally know exactly what the phrase "a rainy day" means. I have non-stop rainy weeks!

18. Maybe am also getting comfortable with being by myself, of spending day after day, at home, wtihout the need for other people or wondering if I am alone because I dont have friends or cannot make them. I CAN be alone and enjoy it. Thank God! Finally, I wont be dating dorks just to BE with someone. And of course there is Golu Dawg.

19. Realised that a lot of things Dad said were right; particularly the bit about a lot of things he said making sense when I was 30. Got it a year earlier Papa... Won't tell him though. :) Also realised that perhaps I would repeat all of what he said to my kids (IF i have them) and perhaps even they won't understand me... And I will have to wait and watch my child suffer and learn his/her own lessons....much like I did (am doing) and much like Papa had to watch... I dont know though, if I would be able to do it as gracefully as him.

20. And I don't know what I will 'do' on my birthday. Last year, it was with someone and there was a different direction to life; or at least one I wanted to take. Now I know that life must go on; but am not too keen on the directions. Or rather, on WHO is with me when I am walking my own road. I was alone, I will be alone. But I won't be scared anymore.

Ten years back, I was fat, wore thick spectacles, tied my hair in a boring plait and wore clothes that hid my body. I still thought the way I did, almost, except that I believed in many more 'good things' about life and people. Back then I was told that my butt was way to big for my size and my breasts were so big that some women even called them disproportionate. Jealous bitches :) Back then, I used to think that Acceptance By The Male Species would mean being the specified size and doing the things you are supposed to do to 'get' the guy you want.

LOL. Today, I am 36-24-34. Prescribed vital stats. Job that pays well. Own living space. No one to answer to, or question. And they tell me that my butt is way too small for my size and is almost not there. The same women who thought my boobs were obnoxious and misshapen earlier; now tell me that I should think of investing in a Wonderbra for cleavage. HAHAHA. Jealous bitches...they cannot handle the fact that I can go without a bra and STILL be pert while their boobs will be touching their navels.
Yes, in 10 years, I can definitely laugh at a lot of things, I can shrink to fit and STILL not care. When there was more of me, you didn't care; and now you say there is less of me?

Post Scrap: The Princess walked tall and content in her small form. As the full moon suddenly sprung from behind the pregnant nimbus, the other Fair & Lovely Maidens paled in the silver light. All this while the Princess watched - her small frame standing tall - as the moonlight danced a glow on her dark skin.

And somewhere in the shadows, a voice had once quoted else, "And not even the rain has such small hands."


Shady said...

another cool post

clit.chatting said...

hey there Shady!
thanks for reading...and for reading all these years! :) 2004 was when i first started writing.... between...met Pankaj from o3...that too at my work place...was SOOOOOOO zapped. :D

whitelight said...

Talking of loneliness. Reminds me of ‘Notes on a Scandal'. What a movie.

Anders said...

I have become addicted to your personal prose. Keep it coming :-)

taurius1 said...

Nice! Finally feeling happy about life, eh?

It happened to me around the time I turned 19. I'm not exactly doing everything right, but I'm happy with my choices, and I've figured out the key to happiness lies not in who i'm with, or what I do, but my acceptance of them. :)

Cheers! ^_^

InExile said...

29 going on 15...

someone said...

jb, loook to tha future. its worse, but now you know of more ways to have fun, eh?

Amit said...

Your app is on fast track for membership to The Club 30-Oh. Everything here is the same like earlier times, just that you have more money, similar friends and a lot less angst. Its almost, well, groovy. Nice Nice post. keep fit. that takes care of all else. Yo!

Shady said...

Yup I have been reading you ;) for a long time now , it still amuses me with its freshness :D

Well I will keep reading it as long as you keep writing

Anonymous said...

Great writing...but well just a minor correction...no aids thru saliva....

That Armchair Philosopher said...

haha, thats a great post - it interesting how age really brings about a perspective on things you'd have assumed were either useless or impossible a few years ago..

not that getting older is a bad thing. mature, mellower and (going by the prose) more beautiful? heh, thats how things are supposed to go, right? :)

clit.chatting said...

@ Anonymous
Not through saliva....but if there is a cut or abrasion in the mouth of the person using the thread... transfering other germs etc does happen. Know that AIDS is only blood. :)

what mellower ya?!!! if that had happened, wouldnt be hoppin around the place all the time. :)

Anonymous said...

Nuice!!!! things change and... well.. for the better. or maybe, lets ust stick to nuice!!! good work JB