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April 21, 2007

Going keep your mouth shut OR your pants on!

Infidelity, sleeping around, cheating on your partner, promiscuity, multifucking... if you were to analyse or scrape beyond the obvious and the accepted, all definitions absolutely differ according to individual perspectives. Some might say adultery is the end of marriage others might say that adultery perhaps saves a lot of marriages. For you it's cheating if your partner sleeps around; for your partner it's keeping the spark alive. Shrug. The thought's there, am not being able to put it into words properly, so will come back to it someday, if the thought comes back to me that is...!

(Listening to Talvin Singh on his official space while have tapes of him at home: heard him live again the other night at Tabula Rasa. And was very happy that T played one of my personal favourite's, Dubla (from his album Ha). Sigh, nothing like a good night of music.)

People say that women do not know how to keep things quiet or do not know how to keep a secret. Dude, at least women know how to keep their mouth shut about certain crucial things unlike men who want to open their mouths even before they have put their pants back on. Rather pointedly, if men were to keep their 'score' unto themselves - rather than advertising it to all his beer buddies when watching F1 - everybody would get laid more. And there are two
reasons why a woman might not want you to discuss her with your friends - WHEN you have
slept with her. One, she wants to sleep with one (or all) of your buddies and two, she knows
that most men cannot handle the entity called a Well-Experienced Woman. And of course let's not forget the entire She Be A Slut thing, but that's hackneyed. Shrug. Maybe men don't prefer an experienced woman due to performance anxiety. Women would sleep around - casually, promiscuously, without asking men to marry them - if they knew the men they were sleeping with would not go around discussing their G-spot or dishing out user manuals to Others. Of course, women discuss thing with their friends; but I am still to come across any woman who walks into a bar and announces to all in general that she is doing a guy.

Personally, no matter how much of a havoc my hormones create in my system, I wouldn't venture near a guy who has a tongue that wags eloquent about me rather than on me. 'Growing
up' or accepting the Laws of Sleeping Around, one realises that you EITHER don't fall for the person you are sleeping with; or don't get to sleep with the person you have fallen for or you realise that sex and orgasm don't necessarily go hand in hand, or maybe that sex with others wont give you that orgasm. The least you can expect in all these scenarios --- and no, banging sex is a must, you are not sleeping with another to appreciate the distribution of body hair, you are doing so to have banging sex -- so the least you can expect is respect for the person you are sharing your body with AND discretion.

Even when not announcing verbally,men have their ways of sending out signals that hint at more than an association between people, often, when its not there. Like a casual arm around your waist that stays there for 20 minutes as you are being introduced to the 20 other men in the room. Or casually asking, "Baby, are you hungry?" before everyone present and it leaves you wondering as to when exactly did the dude decide to 'baby' you instead of using your name. Or some men add a "Trust me, you don't know her, she always does this" -- when you're sharing an anecdote or some other personal detail -- when all you have known the guy for is three days. Or even announcing how the "two of us were at that party last night," with particular emphasis on the "us" when all you had done was request the dude for a ride (that too because your cabby wasn't around).

As a rule - unless am dating the guy or till am sure he isn't the wrong-signal sending sort -- I wouldn't 'go' anywhere with the guy, call a sab, hop onto three autorickshaws even hitch -- but won't arrive at a party with a dude. Again, if women look at a guy to be discreet, chicks also appreciate patience. And where looks, swagger and that swanky car will NOT get a girl, Patience can. When a woman hangs out with you, sends you SMSes, wants to meet you and shows every other sign on interest BUT sleeping with you -- HOLD ON. She will, sooner or later; and if a dude plays his cards right, it's sooner rather than later. It could be she's waiting to see, getting more comfortable or getting to know the guy better. Some women like to take their time: even when what they might be looking for is casual. Yes, women TOO look at associations casually instead of wanting to marry every other they meet! And if girls had their way - without being talked about, labelled, sluttified etc -- women would be much more promiscuous than men. Think about it: a guy has to do much more to lay a woman; a chick has just got to be willing. Yes, there is always a chance that the chick -- while a guy thinks she is considering sleeping with him -- is actually making a glorified, blue-balled fool out of the guy but hey, we all have gotta take our chances, right?

Patience has been one of the classifying factors in the Players I have met. Patience to wait for you, discretion about the others he might be sleeping with while he waits for you and finally respect and mutual pleasure when you two do get together. For whatever period of time, or even once. And a true Player does NOT break hearts. He does not like it messy. Currently, am marvelling at the extreme patience shown by someone, extremely irritated at another's proprietory attempts when I have not even kissed him, decidedly clear that I don't want anything with the third who thinks he is God's gift to women-kind (and if there's one woman who proves him wrong, it's gonna be me) and the fourth with whom there is every other connect except for the small, practical fact that we have NEVER met.

And well...there is Could-Be-Trouble, who no matter how much I ignore, he doesn't seem to be going out of the picture or my stupid head. AND he does such weird things. We don't meet any other time except for bumping into each other at random parties or some other event but... BUT FUCKING BUT... I will change my name, have plastic surgery and have a sex change if I am reading this wrong. I have NEVER been wrong in reading chemistry (have always misread love but never chemistry) and there IS something definitely up. He touches me suddenly...am passing him by and he would touch my back or my shoulder or oh-so-gently touch my waist...and GOD, I am SO aware. I have SEEN him looking at me across the terrace... have felt my skin prickle and turned and seen him quickly look away...always from in between people...

My gut says it is on and this entire post was to repeat my own 'gyan' to myself: PATIENCE woman. Remember girl, a true player waits. Hahaha, and I want to play.

Post scrap: The Princess could feel that He was different, yes, she could feel it right above her belly button. And she had a premonition, "Soon", she said to self and preened: she always liked a good game.

6 comments:

moonstruck maniac said...

patience is a virtue. moonie has a problem with human beings lacking it. nice post JB!

Raccoon said...

so the post was to repeat the gyan to yourself? or a 'Player 101' for the potentials you've mentioned here;-)

I kind of agree with the show-of-ownership nature of guys till they have'nt been laid but I think most guys clam up after they've gotten some - unless its the kind of a guy who gets smthing new every second day.

whitelight said...

T Singh was a big fav during college (Still is). Motherfucker kicks ass man. You must check out Tabla Beat Science too, if you have not. Some stunning electric tabla by Singh, Gurtu, Z Hus

clit.chatting said...

@ Whitelight

Yea, agree about T Singh all the way. Personal favs though are still in Anokha and Ha. Listen to Gurtu as well: a particular track called 'Rhy' in the album, Rhydhun. Really nice. Tabla Beat Science, eh? neat name, will give it a shot.

whitelight said...

TBS: Neat music too.

Some more killer UK-Asian bands: State of Bengal (you must be surely aware) & the ever-awesome Asian Dub Foundation.

Amit said...

Patience has been one of the classifying factors in the Players I have met. Patience to wait for you, discretion about the others he might be sleeping with while he waits for you and finally respect and mutual pleasure when you two do get together. -- Pearl! I think patience AND discretion is all about giving and getting respect.