Office affairs are fast becoming the rule today and you really can't "blame" anyone for it. People are being thrown together, stress levels are increasing and with more offices becoming non-smoking zone, sex is perhaps the only stress buster. Some fall for their colleagues, others have a drunken shag after an office party and of course we have the 'triangle' situation where two people like each other and someone else is jealous. What really brings a twist to an office affair is when the said affair is between the boss and another, say, you.How do you maintain a balance at work when you are sleeping with the boss? Do you feel bad if the 'boss' pulls you up for a mistake -- in his professional capacity -- or do dynamics change when there's more to your relationship than professionalism? How do other colleagues react to it? What happens if the boss is already in another relationship or has no intentions of getting into with you: Are you happy being just a shag? What happens when you realise that the boss might be shagging other women too? And what if the boss wants to sleep with you and you aren't too sure if you should?
I mean what is stupider: A woman who sleeps with the boss and feels "used" or a woman who sleeps with the boss expecting exponential gains and then cries foul when there are no gains? Is it prudent to sleep with your boss if there are gains to be achieved, or conversely if you think someone else might take up the offer and you might lose out? I've always had a problem with the casting-couch starlets/neophytes in various industries who first sleep to get ahead and then when things don't really go their way, they start crying. If you have to climb the ladder of success lying down, isn't better to be smarter and ENSURE you get the gains? Hmmm?
Confessions over Coffee: Series
"Should I sleep with my boss?" asked the voice, making one gulp some piping hot coffee. As one waited for the tongue to stop stinging, Friend continued, "My appraisals are due; and from the feelers Boss has been sending my way, I am hoping for a mediocre raise." Re-finding one's voice and tongue, one asked how a mediocre raise translated into sleeping the Boss.
"No, no, you are not getting it. If I respond to those feelers, the raise will be Really Good," Friend explained, "Boss constantly asks me to join him for drinks, messages late at night and has even added me as a friend on Orkut…am his only Orkut-friend in office," she said. One wondered how Boss could manage to be on a social networking site and not be friends with the rest of the office.
"No, no, he created the profile just to be friends with me," Friend elucidated, "No one knows about it, he goes by the name of Hot4U-something… I thought it was flattering and added him on as well." One quickly sipped some more coffee to avoid saying anything at all.
"Are you trying to chicken out of giving me advice?" Friend asked, as her cell phone rang off in the background. Friend put one on hold and answered the call… in one's ear. "That was Boss," Friend announced, "He was asking me out for a movie." One carefully suggested that movies were alwyas nice...
"It's at his place, he has some DVDs," Friend replied, "He thinks I should see more of European movies to get a better understanding of cinema." On asking what European movie her Boss had suggested, Friend replied, "Caligula." One chose sipping and silence again. "So do you think I should sleep with him?" Friend asked. One asked if sleeping with the Boss would get her a 100 per cent raise and a better designation as well.
"Don't be silly," Friend reprimanded one for thinking smart. One was wondering why Friend had bothered to ask at all…
"You see, he is married, might lead to complications later…" Friend announced. Shocked, one asked if she was expecting Hot4Her Boss to fall for her.
"Don't be silly," Friend scolded again, "Just that if I have to be guilty about sleeping with a married man, it might as well be really worth it."
One asked what makes it really worth it? Friend replied, "The CEO, he is married too and sends me feelers as well; so I am thinking…"
(Published March 23, 2007)
34 comments:
ummm....sleeping with a boss? for a raise? does it actually happen?
what is wrong with my office?
okay stupid joke...
but you didn't really raise it as a serious sexual harassment issue either.
i'd like to kiss one of my seniors at work who is not a boss, and not for a raise..just kiss him...because that might be nice idea to you know kiss him...
ummeed par to duniya kaayam hai...meri at least...
i thought your friend is really cute and funny- if she has to feel guilty anyway abt being the othet woman, she'd rather make it 'paisa vasool'....ha ha ha ha
i like the spirit and not in a mean spirited way
'N'
caligula!! lol... talk about being blatant!!
i think its OK to sleep with the boss if one thinks him to be worth the shag even if he wasn't the boss, and couldn't give one any monetary benefits!!
else, isn't it uncomfortably close to prostitution!?.. sex for money!.. nothing wrong with that either, but the friend should just know what she is getting into...
knowing that most women would not want to become a prostitute, I suggest that the friend does not sleep around only because she has been subtly threatened that the raise will not be good!
otherwise... go ahead.. enjoy life before its passes you by!
and i am sorry i am movie illiterate so i IMDBed Caligula, all i got was the films on the Camus play, so please tell me which film i should be seraching for, to get the referance.
I think Eve's friend was thinking on the lines of ' okay so here is this man who is making a pass at me, i might want to sleep with him but i might at well use it to kill another bird since appraisal is coming along.'
You don't always sleep with a man/woman for the sheer pleasure, do you, sometimes it is emotional needs fulfilled sometimes something else...
or maybe i am just being unrealistic...
'N'
p.s also sometimes when you are feeling vella, let us know what you think of addressing the issue of bosses/coworkers worth a shag, and you can't for various reasons...sigh...
anonymous 'N'... you'll find this movie under the name "Caligola" under IMDB... thats the original italian name... Caligula is the US name.
Responses are shocking, 'guess people need to grow up still. I believe there is something called a PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIP, & never to mix it with a personal one
Yes Sir FBM, as you say, or is it yes Ma'am!
Dear FBM,
Finding the response shocking is fair, but claiming that others need to grow up is probably the biggest sign of a closed childish mind.
I guess you are still dwelling in a B School phase of life where everything is clearly defined, Black N White. No Greys...!
Unfortunately, professional vs personal doesn't work except as gyan. Personal relationships drive everything, even bottom-lines. All major decisions of tangible consequence in ALL organisations are based on "personal" aspects of work-life and not professional. And not just corporates, but political systems, educational systems, governance, everything is driven by "personal".
Now unless you start getting into a defensive critique of what YOU meant by "personal vs professional", I feel its quiet clear that everyone can have a different take on it, without being childish.
The mere fact that the said friend is facing such a situation shows how theoretical and bookish is the idea of "keeping professional separate from personal".
All the best to you for both your lives, professional and personal.
cheers!
CF
"Personal relationships drive everything, even bottom-lines."
Very well said Crimson.
Have often wondered when people say,"oh its just a work relationship" etc.Mine says"client entertainment".And then the dating starts,or professional meetings.
In school we spent all our days with our friends,away from home and the family,thus friends become oftentimes the most imp part of our lives.Same happens at work too.I think the word 'professional relationship' is there just to remind a family person about the boundary to be set.hmm.And most people today take it as an excuse to cover up.
Now there is a new relationship coming up called a blog friend.I dont like that word.But then..its the in thing now.The one which is not professional,which is purely personal but that which has that unreal touch.Very risky if you give your heart out.(i'll just break my thoughts here).
'Very risky if you give your heart out'
Truer words were never spoken. on this topic.
hmmm
'N'
p.s : and what is a blog friend? and why is not desirable, maxine?
lol
I didnt say its not desirable.
We spend most time in school, we make ever lasting friends or fall in love etc.We spend most time at work,same thing happens but now most would have settled down and has a family etc which would stop them from taking that extra step or doing everything undercover.And now we spend most time online too,so...same things happen.
hmm. break. :D
Sleeping with the Boss is for profession or for personal gains is OK.
End of the day what it all boils down to is sweaty sex. But of course, You have to keep your standards. I just won't sleep with anyone.
I am a guy, I am now 27, I slept with my (female) boss's or with their female peers who had enough influence over my boss.
I did this all across my early twenties.
I didn't get 100% gains but I did get good raises and I was getting laid, once or twice a week, which is a good thing (tm)
In retrospect, I really don't think I did anything wrong. I gave a good company to a married older lady and made her happy by working hard in the office and outside the office.
And this possibly saved her marriage.
*moral high ground *cough* .
So moral of the story, lying down
is a fun place to be - even if you don't climb the success ladder.
Btw, @author of the blog. I like your style of writing and ideas. You represent the perfect embodiment of what I would like the modern Indian woman to be.
And I love you for that.
Great work.
ok Crimson, guess that's why you guys are very succesful in your pusuits.
I prefer not to have anything personal with the people whom i work with, not even a cup of coffee, just do the work to the best of one's ability & get out..........'guess that is why i struggle.
fbm. I second you.
fbm. another thought. Don't lose faith as you struggle. Assuming you are also a hard worker and get along with people, the company will recognise your professional worth over time, specially when crunch time arrives and they need a capable person to handle it. And crunch times will keep coming and with each one you handle to the best of your ability you will grow in professional stature. It may take a little longer but you will get your professional due. Just stick to being who you are. All the best.
Fbm, feeling sorry for ourselves, are we?
Maybe IF you read crimson's first comment you'd realise that you made a faux pas by addressing your last comment to her/him!
Crimson did say, shagging boss minus the pleasure would be akin to prostitution.
Rather admirable that you work hard and slog at work but if ONLY your comprehension was better, you'd get that promotion minus sleeping with boss also.
You know it is silly to assume that bosses are giving employees bonuses/promotions/increments whatever because the latter are sleeping with them. because UNLESS the sleeping around is substantiated with some other kind of value that the said employee brings to the company, sleeping around won't be reason enough! It's just not good business sense!!!
so maybe when you are feeling less martyr like and holier than thou, you'd like to think about it a little more deeply...
'N'
Anonymous / 'N' : It is sillier to assume that bosses are NOT giving employees promotions/ bonuses/ increments whatever becaus the latter are sleeping with them. You mean an employee doesn't have an unfair advantage because he / she is sleeping with the boss? Sleeping around substantiated with some other kind of value?! Sleeping with the boss becomes / is the main value when you are sleeping with the boss. The rest is just enough work or show of work to covers ass. And anybody who sleeps with the boss becomes a power centre his/himself. Business sense? The business sense lies in giving the one you are sleeping around with credit for the work others have done.
fbm,I'm sure I would enjoy working with you :)
A coffee without sex in mind...that would be such a relaxed moment.
This is getting interesting. It's a good debate so let us all stick to debating the POINT than each others' morality or lack of it?
While I don't completely disagree with FMB -- am yet to sleep with any of my bosses, also no boss has ever propositioned me -- I dont see anything wrong in mixing professional and personal.
I'm all for people having affairs at work... provided those are personal associations. Meaning, sleeping around with the CEO, the boss, his/her secretary or how many ever you want to is a matter of personal choice. You might/ not choose it; but you really cannot judge anyone else for it.
Not all success stories are met by sleeping around and neither does all sleeping around lead to success.
Vis-a-vis office affairs, someone wants it, someone gives it, sometimes its mutual. What bothers me though about the sleeping-for-promotion (SFP) is how it COULD undermine someone else's hard work. So someone won't get good assignments because s/he wouldn't share non-veg jokes with the boss? Or go out for drinks?
Like Avijit points out: Is there not a Favourite status granted to someone the boss is sleeping with? Of course the info will not be circulated in an office memo, but it does happen. It is a funny situation and there is a reason why the corporate world (or any other for that matter) is called a rat race: There are a number of tactics to be employed.
Personally, 9 years in the media have taught me to keep personal and professional AS FAR AWAY from each other as possible. Affairs are a definite no-no (learnt the hard way), friendships - even with the same sex - should be carefully chosen.
The world is shrinking and while 6 degrees of separation might mean that everyone eventually knows everyone; it also means that everyone will eventually know most things about you.
Also once you get into the rut of sleeping around with boss(es)-- and here I speak completely from a woman's point of view, dont know many men who've suffered sexual harassment, would be interested in talking to cases though -- word gets around; and even in a situation you might NOT want to have sex with a particular boss, you'd have to compromise.
Girls more than guys need to remember that when you are just a shag for someone, you are usually being discussed. Is one meagre promotion really worth a lifetime's professional reputation down the drain or under the covers?
Ummm...I think it seemed like i was rooting for sleeping with boss for promotion. i really need to learn to articulate myself better...
okay i admit i also think sleeping for a professional reason is a short cut i do not endorse it but i am also trying NOT to judge it either, i was JUST irked by fbm's whiny, i am such a hard worker and you all have easy lives sob sob sob...
okay fbm, don't get personal and i shall apologise for the tone of my comment but maybe not the content...
'N'
This 'personal choice' business is overrated. Raping is also a personal choice, but that doesn't make it right. What we are hopefully debating here are the repurcussions of actions which include personal choices and where these personal choices become abhorrent / harmful to the rest of society or the people they affect. And thus a modification of our own behaviour to obviate the effects of these personal choices.
@ Eve --- ;) Feel free to quote me with that line.
@ Anonymous N --- Thanks for the support shown. "Him" here.
@ fbm --- Success is multifaceted and comes to those who can display an all round competence in life. The core point being that good interpersonal skills and managing relationships are as necessary as knowing how to do your math.
A manager needs to know his people as human beings in order to successfully work with them and achieve results. Even among colleagues, its important to know them as people (I recommend that you get to know your office people better and spend more time with them).
The above approach also exposes you to sexual possibilities, and there onwards its two 'adults' interacting and not two colleagues. I agree with Eve that the word goes around, and no amount of discreetness helps, so one must be ready to face that.
(Eve... I know I have strayed from the point but i wanted to share it.)
@ avijit (and fbm too)
As I have already indicated, just sleeping around is not a reason for professional success and similarly, not sleeping around isn't a reason for professional failure. One must face the reality and develop a holistic competence in life and then, trust me, they wouldn't need to worry about who is sleeping around with whom!
Dear Crimson !! good luck to you mate.. i throw the white flag. (peace)
I am a bit ole' fashioned, & prefer to be very boring & i am like a monk at work, work excites me & not sex.
Plus, i just hate any hierarchy,i can't help it sometimes i feel more capable than the so called boss & if some one junior to me does something better than me i would see to it that he/she gets the credit for it.
Fbm has made a very interesting point here....
do we have sex at workplace because the workplace is boring and dull or the work is monotonous.
because even if i choose to sleep with my boss or even a co worker some day it will because i find the man sexually desirable. it hadn't occured to me that sex can spice the lives of those who are stuck in boring jobs...
just wondering if that is also a reason?
'N'
Crimson feet: Unfortunately, one does to have to worry about who is sleeping with whom, no matter how well you do your job, holistically or otherwise. That's an angle that can always trip you up. And not sleeping around could be a reason for professional failure if you have the misfortune to come up against bosses who want their pound of flesh no matter what your competencies.
fbm: Old fashioned is good. they are the tried and tested methods that have worked. And it's great that you have integrity. If socialising with people after work is not your cup of tea, so be it. That does limit some possibilities for you but if you're fine with that and it suits your personality, great.
omg! am I living in a prison!The comments at the other thread and here.Everybody is sleeping with somebody...and here I am 'not fitting in' anywhere!!I need a boob job!!!
'N'if you comment everywhere as 'N'then..I think i found your blog. (Wicked grin).If not, I take the wickedness back.
Thanx Avijit, for your encouraging words, though i had to quit/ throw away many a "jobs". The most kinky one was once many years ago when an ex boss's wife started to eye me & asked for a back rub........ oops, did'nt i have to make a rapid exit !!
But i have always been a pillar with whom i work with or with my ny friends, that's why professinally i am in the dumps at the moment.
maxine: Sure, it would be great working together...... next life time may be !! but i thought you don't drink coffee, i like the coffee i make myself..... though i don't mind the tea you have written about !!Btw, What's the Big D day about ??
fbm, I do drink coffee.Though occasionally now.Keeping away is when you love something so much,right?
hmm....next birth is filled out,lets try in this one itself!
Will write about the big day.nothing exciting though.good to catch you.takecare.
No you haven't.Or maybe You have...hint: I comment regularly at a blog of another kickass female blogger regularly and I have seen you there all the time. ButHas it occured to you that my name might or might not start with an N.
Mwah.
Keep searching.
I am not hiding from you. I am hiding from people who might know me already.
And my blog is BORING.
'N'
P.S if it's not too personal, Maxine is a boy or girl?
I saw a comment by N on another blog,yup a female blogger's.Thought it must be you.Thats all.Wont search.Relax.And I'm not regular anywhere with this name other than here.Maxine was born in Eve's blog and might as well die here.No hurry though.Then writes not so regularly for fbm exclusively elsewhere.haha.
This character is a woman.
This character is also a woman. :D
Send me your email id. I shall send you the blog link.
:D
I said i am not worried about you finding out.
It's the others who might judge me for the things i said and admitted to. I am sure we don't know each other. and if we do....mummmmyyyyy help...world is small.
'N'
maxine.gawd@gmail.com <==fresh from the oven.
may mummy help.world is indeed small.
maxine: writing exclusively etc......
shhh....chup ho jao yaar.
You are just too funny.
Hi I've found all your comments really interesting especially as i'm on the receiving end of it now. A collegue of mine is sleeping with the boss. she's told me herself when drunk but later denied it although i know its true. We are about the same age and since sleeping with him has been given a 7K payrise i shouldn't know about, a PA! and more days holiday than surely possible. i go between jealous and annoyed to thinking if she wants to get naked with that fat old man good luck to her! anyone got any suggestions as to how i can get on a more even keel without getting my legs open?!
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