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March 24, 2008

The Farce and the furious

I wasn’t planning on writing on sex, in fact was considering writing on growing up. Is it any coincidence that sex and our perceptions of it change as we ‘grow up’? Of course there are those for whom sex at 36 is what it was at 18: The you-like-it-you-lay-it for men and you-like-it-so-you-let-him-lay-you for women. At 36 (or even approaching-30 for that matter), it becomes you-like-it but cannot lay it because she’s someone else’s girlfriend/ wife… or your girlfriend/wife will not appreciate it. Or because by now you know that there is nothing called no-strings-attached sex. Whether in cash or kind, you will pay. There is of course the bit about decreasing stamina with age and thinking about going to work the next day. Or the maid ringing the door bell at the wrong times...

Anyway, I got thinking about sex because of Sam deBerito’s blog, interestingly titled, All Men Are Liars. Men can be so disarmingly honest about being liars. Just the other night, another I-can-get-any-woman-I-want friend declared, “I am a bastard, but I am an honest bastard, the girls know it.” Of course once the girl has been warned and she still asks for it, then she really is asking for it, isn’t it? By confessing about being a lying, cheating bastard, you have absolved yourself of all responsibility for that girl’s feelings. May she rest in peace. Honesty, when applied to bastards, is the best policy. So Lying Sam asks on his blog: Why do people have sex?

Why indeed? People definitely don’t look good when having sex: You sweat, grunt, distort your face into expressions you wouldn’t wear in public, your body contorts in ways to show off whatever fat you might have (there’s no way of sucking your gut in and having sex), you pant with your mouth open, generally look as if you have been punched in the face and the after effect is messy. So having sex because it makes you look good is definitely out.

The other day another friend sighed from the depths of her heart and announced, “Oh I need to have sex, haven’t in a long while. You know, it is a biological need.” Hmm. But nowhere is it said that ‘biological needs’ cannot be self-addressed. When self-help can guarantee an orgasm – as compared to say taking chances with a random someone – why don’t we all simply shag and stay happy? Why that need for another person to have sex with? Because it’s a conquest: We feel good with the numbers we sleep with? Or because you are not supposed to with someone and it’s forbidden? Or is it because sex leads to tenderness, hugs, caresses, lying in bed together etc?

Or simply because after a while we really don’t know what to do with another person? I mean, put a man and a woman together and after a bit of talking, watching TV together, drinking and hanging out with friends and other activities -- unless you are a couple making documentaries on gorillas or something -- there’s not much to do but to have sex. Sex is a solution for boredom. And since any activity with any one person can get boring… We then look for sex with other people?
PS: Same-sex sex? Disparity in availability of equal number of men-women or resulting men-women not liking each other.

34 comments:

Shady said...

if you get a answer for this do let this cheating lying bastard know it :D

Anonymous said...

i'd like to have sex because i've never had it! and I am 30 years old, i stay in a cosmo town and i'm liberal and not offensively ugly (plain maybe).
and please hold your smirks and advices, i am just stating a fact. and basically asserting, all kinds of people have sex for all kinds of reasons.

'N'

Eve* aka JB said...

Shady... YOU tell me and gimme the reasons why you cheat and lie. Then we are talking. :)

Hello 'N',
No smirking, no advices either EXCEPT.... there is a research you know that says those who lose 'it' late might have health repercussions. But then there's also another research on those who have sex too early... If I may ask -- and since you volunteered --what's the waiting for, or who?

Shady said...

JB Wish I knew why I lie and cheat. There is no reason for it what so ever.

So may be its cheap thrills James bond style minus the Kills and dangers.

I lie cos I can . I cheat cos I can ?

No guilt.

Damn now it gets more complicated . Well waiting for other to react.


P.S ;- I might cheat but heck I am really selective about having sex as in with whom to have it :D

Anonymous said...

health repurcussions of what sort...
not waiting for anyone or anything...
no men...
part laziness, part idealism, part lack of motivation to look and all conviniently justified to self in moments when deprivation hits...deprivation, both sexual and emotional that is, that i am not good enough or no one wants to sleep with me...
i also read a research that singlehood begets singlehood...
hmmm?

'N'

Lucifer said...

Because there's nothing like the sound of a satisfied woman. But what about the women, Eve? Don't they lie too? (Sometimes when they're sounding satisfied)

Eve* aka JB said...

Lucifer, Lucifer... you been trying to draw me into sexual conversations, eh? (shakes head, tut, tuts) Well yes, women lie too and certain feminists will have you believe that faking it is quite good for a relationship...for the man as well as for the woman. WHAT exactly IS an orgasm? Why are we so pent up about it?Why do we insist on it each time? Sometimes, I pity the blokes... its almost taking the fun out of sex by making it mandatory for the man to make his partner reach orgasm. Foreplay is no more what happens naturally and things you do to make each other happy, it has become like an exercise. PT Step 1, kiss her. Step 2, fondle her. And if someone were to mix up the steps, its called a fuck up. Anyway... women CAN be happy with their man even when they are lying when sounding satisfied. That's the truth. High time BOTH men and women learnt to accept it. I enjoy feeling what I feel with my partner... but is it anything like some books describe it to be? I really don't know...but I love it. What to do, eh Lucifer?

Eve* aka JB said...

Shady...interesting. Does the lack of guilt bother you? If am getting personal, feel free to type in "no comments". You dont feel any guilt because: 1. you were forced into marrying your wife, or didnt have much option 2. You married her because at that time you werent as attractive to other women and she seemed like the best you could do? 3. You really dont care...and as long as she does not find out, everybody's happy? What if she found out? And what if she's doing the same? Any answers...care to discuss?

Eve* aka JB said...

'N'...they said late losers will have everything from depressions to hypertension to whatever else they could come up with. Apparently early losers would also have some of those symptoms. Funnily enough, a whole lot of those symptoms match with obesity too and menopause. Shrug. I really dont know!!! I mean what makes more sense... losing it to some ass or in a way someone will regret it..or waiting? Sometimes -- and those are VERY rare times -- I wish I had waited. But did I know He would come along? (cynical laugh. Hah) Y' know, I was quite the un-Eve at 17, the first time I fell in love. It was text book chaste...in a year and half of dating him, he only ever kissed my right hand, top of it, under the first knuckle. It was raining, he had picked me up from tuition classes and was dropping me home. He was 6 years older to me... I was so looking forward to turning 18 so that he would marry me... He had said so and those days, I believed men. (smiles) Till his mom found out and gave me a totally filmi lashing of my lifetime...they were Sikhs, I a Hindu-Bengali. He called three days later and said he had to leave me else he would be disinherited from his family property. Shrug. Funnily enough, four months after giving me the kick, happened to bump into him outside a movie hall...it was Braveheart. Was coming back home alone when he stopped my scooter and suddenly asked me if I wanted to kiss him. Like in the movie. I didn't and finally got over him...How strange is the mind of a man?As long as he was marrying me...it was chaste, I was to be "pure" and suddenly once he was very clear there was no future, he wanted to kiss? Anyway. God was kind to me, dont think I would have lasted with a chicken shit man anyway. Why am I going on about this....? Because, well because at times I wonder whether what we have been taught, the definitions of love and truth and trust and purity are all true or some mad man's imagination that were repeated too many times and became the rule. I will shutup now. I wish you happiness and love and very good sex, when you are ready for it, with a man who will love you for it and for you. (I sound like a priest or something, bad for my image) ;)

Lucifer said...

I wouldn't worry about the books, Eve. Most of them were written by people who wouldn't know an orgasm if it hit them between the thighs. And I quite agree with you about foreplay. But it's not about what you do. A singe touch should be enough to tear the stars out of heaven and light a fire that dazzles the jealous sun. Or something like that.

Eve* aka JB said...

"to tear the stars out of heaven and light a fire that dazzles the jealous sun"...

BWAHAHAHAHA. Haiku, Lucifer? Got a painting to go with that have you now?

Lucifer said...

Sure. Want to see it? (2 too many syllables for a haiku)

Lucifer said...

Haiku would be:
To tear down the stars
And light a fire so dazzling
The sun's envious
(since you ask)

Eve* aka JB said...

Sorry, only see paintings that go with legitimate haikus. And no, NOT inviting pics. My man would get other ideas of what am upto.

Eve* aka JB said...

Bwaaahahaha... hidden talents we have! Neat. But then, I am not an authority on haikus so might just be praising something substandard. (ha ha)

Eve* aka JB said...

And "Lucifer"... why Lucifer?

Lucifer said...

Eve! How could you forget? We met. In a garden. I wore snakeskin. You wore nothing. I gave you an apple...

Eve* aka JB said...

That is it. No wonder stupid men and snakes are alike. They see women with nothing and think apples. Pfft.

Eve* aka JB said...

Make that creepy men instead of stupid. :D Gotta be politically correct these days.

Lucifer said...

Bong women always have to have the last word, even with the Devil! What can I say, you're the one who goes for bad boys, you just said so on your blog.

Eve* aka JB said...

"bong women" eh? Must say for a white man, you're pretty well versed with the desi terminology. Don't you need to get to bed? (smiles) Also, said bad boys, not necessarily those romping around in snakeskins. Snort.

Lucifer said...

See what I mean about the last word? Sorry about the snakeskins, but needs must when the Devil drives. Good night, Didi

Maxine said...

oops whats goin on dada. and i forgot what i came to write down.

well..theres another post already,so i'll just skip this one.

will just say this much...sex and new cars are the same,the moment you make it yours its value goes down.

Maxine said...

okay...now I remember what I came to write before.Got time,so will just put it down.

Was thinking about the guy who said he was in love for some 7yrs or so and whose story you had put up here sometime back.I dont want to disrespect anyones feelings, but why do people wait n wait for someone who dont feel the same for them?Is it really love?Or is he hurt because his ego isnt satisfied?And the moment the conquest is done,love starts diminishing...like what happens with new cars.Love has no form,its just a feeling so strong you can pass to anyone who you can connect with without even a touch.They say sex is the ultimate expression of love.I say sex is the end of love or the path that will lead to the end.And then starts the obsession,the desire for a new car.

On steroids.I can now move a mountain :D

Anonymous said...

ummm just came back to say, i am still sexually satisfied you know...i keep my beautiful and voracious self pretty happy...know what i mean :)
and THAT could be a reason that i am not ready to jump someone's else bones ,a married friend, senior to me by 14 years say that i am spoling myself and when i actually do IT i'd realise that men can never be that good...

okay i am not THAT cynical...a few too many flings later where i did everything BUT...., type making out sessions and without any hard feelings (pun unintended)on either side, i just think i'd rather wait for a friend, comerade types who enjoys every bit of my mind and body and as i do his and is not busy being a BOYFRIEND, know what i mean...
and for the BIG O, I have exepreinced that many many times over and yes it is nice...maybe it is nicer with another person...?

Fast becoming Eve's fan
'N'

Eve* aka JB said...

hahaha...truth be told, your married friend COULD be right. See there's that entire frame-of-mind thing involved. Self-help takes the cake yes but I guess it's different when there's another involved. And STILL more different when we are mentally and emotionally involved with that other. So technically, women can enjoy sex/ orgasm in a variety of ways na: There's top base self-help, then there's the poke-yourself-self-help (hahaha stupid innuendoes), then there's with-an-object self-help, then you have unemotional-other-help, then there's involved-with-other-help...Waah...me thinks we are bloody lucky.
And nah, dont think you are being cynical, I'd rather keep myself happy than either wait or bunny-hop with someone who meets me half way or lower! Thankfully though, these days yours truly is pretty happy. Make that fucking happy. LOL. If you know what i mean (tongue firmly in cheek)

Eve* aka JB said...

Maxine.... Hmm. firstly, please dont try to move mountains no matter how pumped you are. Steroids cant help with slip-discs y' know. As for love = conquest; that wont be love then. It doesnt conquer, it gives in. Or at least that's what i have felt when i have thought i've been in love. AHA. Maybe that's the problem, we women need to be doing the conquering thing too...and REMEMBER that we need to be the conquerors and not the ones who whimper and surrender... Hmmmm.... Whether it's conquering men or women.

Shady said...

Lack of Guilt does not bother me rather I feel quiet happy about it


I think as long as she doesn't find out its great and if she is doing the same gawd damn it I wont snoop around and try to find out for what you do not know doesn't hurt you .

Does that Answer you or there are more questions coming my way ?

Eve* aka JB said...

Hmmm... na, it answers. Marriages are open secrets has been my theory for long. And since i hate secrets -- especially if i am not on it! -- i am beginning to get jittery about marriages too.
good luck to you... on second thoughts? Kaisa hai aur kya chal raha hai?

Shady said...

Sob Khichu Bhalo Aache. Tumi Bolo.

Maxine said...

LOL 'N'.Couldnt resist commenting again after reading you. Do you blog???? I'm sure we will have so many things to discuss!:D

Eve...love=conquest is the basic thing that goes in peoples mind.And then I read Bon Jovi saying that the only person he wants to hang out with is his wife who is also his best friend.hmm.Good for her.
So what happened to Cinderella after she was married?

Anonymous said...

Hi Maxine, I sure have a blog. Many, in fact.
1. But I want to be anonymous here, when admitting that i am the only 29 year old virgin in the world :)
2. My blog has boring poems and stuff and nothing salacious and funny in a silly way, even...

Hee hee and Eve doesn't mind, we could always discuss here, as long as it's related to her posts, no?

'N'

Maxine said...

Right :)

Eve* aka jb said...

Arre 'N' and Maxine.
you can discuss whatever here, even if it's NOT related to my posts. :) More than welcome, perhaps i will join in too. :D