I wasn’t planning on writing on sex, in fact was considering writing on growing up. Is it any coincidence that sex and our perceptions of it change as we ‘grow up’? Of course there are those for whom sex at 36 is what it was at 18: The you-like-it-you-lay-it for men and you-like-it-so-you-let-him-lay-you for women. At 36 (or even approaching-30 for that matter), it becomes you-like-it but cannot lay it because she’s someone else’s girlfriend/ wife… or your girlfriend/wife will not appreciate it. Or because by now you know that there is nothing called no-strings-attached sex. Whether in cash or kind, you will pay. There is of course the bit about decreasing stamina with age and thinking about going to work the next day. Or the maid ringing the door bell at the wrong times...
Anyway, I got thinking about sex because of Sam deBerito’s blog, interestingly titled, All Men Are Liars. Men can be so disarmingly honest about being liars. Just the other night, another I-can-get-any-woman-I-want friend declared, “I am a bastard, but I am an honest bastard, the girls know it.” Of course once the girl has been warned and she still asks for it, then she really is asking for it, isn’t it? By confessing about being a lying, cheating bastard, you have absolved yourself of all responsibility for that girl’s feelings. May she rest in peace. Honesty, when applied to bastards, is the best policy. So Lying Sam asks on his blog: Why do people have sex?
Why indeed? People definitely don’t look good when having sex: You sweat, grunt, distort your face into expressions you wouldn’t wear in public, your body contorts in ways to show off whatever fat you might have (there’s no way of sucking your gut in and having sex), you pant with your mouth open, generally look as if you have been punched in the face and the after effect is messy. So having sex because it makes you look good is definitely out.
The other day another friend sighed from the depths of her heart and announced, “Oh I need to have sex, haven’t in a long while. You know, it is a biological need.” Hmm. But nowhere is it said that ‘biological needs’ cannot be self-addressed. When self-help can guarantee an orgasm – as compared to say taking chances with a random someone – why don’t we all simply shag and stay happy? Why that need for another person to have sex with? Because it’s a conquest: We feel good with the numbers we sleep with? Or because you are not supposed to with someone and it’s forbidden? Or is it because sex leads to tenderness, hugs, caresses, lying in bed together etc?
Or simply because after a while we really don’t know what to do with another person? I mean, put a man and a woman together and after a bit of talking, watching TV together, drinking and hanging out with friends and other activities -- unless you are a couple making documentaries on gorillas or something -- there’s not much to do but to have sex. Sex is a solution for boredom. And since any activity with any one person can get boring… We then look for sex with other people?
PS: Same-sex sex? Disparity in availability of equal number of men-women or resulting men-women not liking each other.