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March 6, 2008

A real-life love story

After having written the feature on inter-caste marriages – ‘Inter-caste marriages: Is love wrong or parents right?’ – one realized it was not going to be an easy choice. Readers also got into a heated debate in the comments section of ibnlive.com .On one hand are the parents/family who have cared and loved you since birth and on the other hand is the future with the person you love and want to create a family with. Is it selfish to give up one family to make another? Are you letting your parents down?
With as little literary liberty as possible, this story is a real-life story, with names changed to protect identities. However, this feature does not promote or suggest that you do the same. Every situation and every family is different. Base your decisions and judgments on the facts at hand and be prepared for the repercussions. You might get a new family and you might never speak to your parents or current family again…

The Story
He (let’s call him Amit) had first seen Her (Nisha) in college, or they had seen each other, the details over the last 10 years have grown fuzzy. Amit remembers though that Nisha was wearing a salwar-kameez, nothing spectacular, except that she stood very straight and carried herself with a poise that usually befits someone older, not a 19-year-old. Neither of them was your textbook idea of good looking, yet both had an innate confidence. They were in the same class.

Their first conversation was in the college canteen, or so Amit recalls. Nisha says it was when he asked for her notes. Conversations were never tough as they could argue on almost any subject since their thoughts differed on every subject. Three years of college flew by and Amit got his first job in another city. Nisha decided to pursue a specialized course in graphic designing.

Another two years went by with emails, phone conversations and twice a year meeting when possible. It took a toll on both of them, but Amit and Nisha knew that their initial separation was nothing compared to the life of togetherness they hoped lay ahead for them. Both decided to talk to their respective parents. Amit’s parents had no problems with the marriage.

Nisha’s parents though… Amit spoke to her father and requested for her hand in marriage… and was summarily refused. Amit was a Punjabi, Nisha was a Jain. It was impossible. For a year they kept trying to talk to Nisha’s parents with no result. Then things went from bad to worse pretty quickly. Even as she was barred from meeting Amit, Nisha’s father started looking for a match. They found a pilot – good looking, earning well and from their caste – while Amit was just starting out in business in Mumbai; Nisha lived in a nearby city.

It was then that Amit decided to speak to the Pilot who had been ‘found’ for Nisha. The two men met at a coffee shop and Amit requested the Pilot to reject the proposal, narrating how he loved the girl and how Nisha reciprocated as well. The Pilot heard the story and then made his decision...
Read further: They did the unthinkable...


IR said...

all is good if the guy or the girl in ques are well settled or have potential to take care , if that is not the case then it is hara kiri

i have seen plenty of inter caste marriages happen around me ( mumb chris- del punjabi ) ( punj-bengali) ( baniya-punjabi) , if the boy and the girl are good , then what is the problem ?

Itchingtowrite said...

principly I do not support eloping. i wud (and did) rather wait till i cud convince them by fair means or foul. but probably what amit & nisha did were the last ditch option. becuase they were totally helpless. in my case nobody was monitoring my phone or stopping me from meeting him. it was only disapproval so it was easier for me to bear it.

Espèra said...

It's a fairy tale story. They get married, both of them lovely for each other, and then, in the final happily-ever-after, get approval from Nisha's parents.

I think parents should stop being bigots. What's with marrying outside the caste, religion, nationality? Or economic class? The whole debate about doing something to please your parents cuz they gave life to you is not valid. Why? Well, it was THEIR ichha to give birth to you. THEY decided to go ahead and have you. So, just by sharing the genes, must you become exact replicas of them?
I think we need more parents who realise that when they gave birth to a kid, they were giving birth to another individual; they weren't reincarnating themselves.

Mystique said...

call me naive but I think parents will ALWAYS forgive, sooner or later.
Especially if you're an only child.
because, as I've heard time and again from my own mum, parents just want to see their children happy.
Espera, nice one.
I really do not know why parents have problems with inter-caste marriages. Intercaste marrigaes will unite India :) [sorry for pseudo-political line]
Or with love marriages.

Espèra said...

Merci beaucoup ma blog-amie.