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March 17, 2008

100 per cent trust is bullshit.

“I miss your hugs, your kisses, the way you held me… I still miss you.”
Seema* (name changed) read and re-read the email open on the monitor before her. The words had been written to her boyfriend of a year-and-a-half, Rajiv*. Since the day the two of them started dating, Seema had been looking for proof, signs that Rajiv might be cheating on her. Now she believed, she finally had it.

Short of hiring a private detective, Seema has done everything possible to keep an eye on Rajiv. She constantly tracks his Facebook ‘wall’ and Orkut ‘scrapbook’: For the uninitiated in social networking etiquette, the wall and scrapbook are your personal message boards that unless specified, can generally be viewed by the public. If Rajiv added a new ‘friend’, Seema would check out the profile to see who it was; if it were a girl, Seema would spend sleepless nights wondering if Rajiv was having an affair.

When she could not find anything amiss on Facebook/ Orkut, Seema would take whatever possible chance to snoop on Rajiv’s mobile phone messages. Each time he left his phone unattended, Seema would quickly go through his message inbox, sent messages, drafts, call logs and recorded pictures to see who had called him, who he was text-ing and if there was anything suspicious in his mobile.

With a very bad relationship behind her – she had been dating a man who had cheated on her repeatedly – Seema was convinced that all men were cheats and that either Rajiv too was cheating on her or would soon do so… The more she did not find any proof, the more Seema was convinced that Rajiv was very good at hiding things from her.

Her hunt for proof intensified till one day she managed to hack into his email account and found the email mentioned above. Seema’s world crashed. She did not give Rajiv any chance to explain himself and despite his pleas that he had nothing to do with his ex-girlfriend sending him that message, Seema walked out on Rajiv.

Vimal and Piya had the perfect relationship: They looked good together, had good jobs, a large group of common friends and seemed to complement each other well, Vimal being silent and reserved while Piya was bubbly and gregarious. Initially, friends christened them the ‘Perfect Pair’ but gradually started noticing that things weren’t all fine with the twosome…

Vimal had a problem if Piya spoke to another man. He would often blame her for “making eyes” at other men whenever they went out together. If they were at a party, Vimal would constantly keep an eye on Piya trying to see if she was looking at another man. He didn’t like her association with her college male friends and he went ballistic if he ever ‘caught’ Piya talking to another man. Slowly, Vimal started having problems with Piya hanging out with her girlfriends as well because he was never sure if she was really with the girls or someone else…

Vimal too had a very bad experience in a former relationship. Based on his past, Vimal could not trust Piya and began blaming her of being a flirt. He felt that by constantly keeping Piya under surveillance, he would ensure their relationship would not suffer the same fate as his previous one. However, the Vimal-Piya relationship grew more and more strained by the day.

Before you read further, tell us what you think:
Did Seema do the right thing by dumping Rajiv?
Is it good to be constantly suspicious of your partner and snoop on them?
Can trust, once broken, be mended again?
If your partner constantly doubts you, how will you deal with it?
Read further: Trust once dead cannot be revived?

3 comments:

Maxine said...

1. Seema seem to have a trust issue.I didnt know checkin Facebook profile can be termed as mistrust.Well...I know an American guy who is closing his blog since his wife recently saw him having around 900 female friends online and most of them sending him sexy messages.And he is closing it to preserve "domestic tranquility".

2.No,its better to discuss the things that makes one uncomfortable.But checkin Facebook profile....how can that be.It can also be because they are interested in each others life.hmm.:D
People stop discussing when they feel distant and when they begin to believe themselves more than the partner.
3.Trust once broken...sometimes can be mended.Depending on what the issue was and how much they love each other.Cant really explain.Its a case by case thing.
4.I will cut the crap and say trust me pleaseee.

taurius1 said...

The only time I've ever actually had a relationship was with 100% trust. Full disclosure, and 100% trust.

I find it VERY irritating when someone I'm going out with refuses to believe me when I give an explaination about something... anything.

:/

Spectator said...

the title itself explains a lot. funny, u visit random blogs, n u land up on the same shit u r running from. nice consoling read though :)