I have a bum, I will blow you sky high

Bum = bomb (in hindi)
“I swear to drunk I am not God.” – alcohol-loving friend’s instant messenger (IM) handle
“A pat on the back is two inches away from a kick on the ass.” – Boss’s handle
“Deja-brew: The feeling that you’ve had this coffee before.” – Over-worked colleague’s handle
“I have a bum, I will blow you sky high.” – Mine, because I am bored.

Aiiya. SOMETHING is irritating me, cant put a finger on it and it’s irritating me further. Ever get that feeling? Read somewhere, long time back, that only god can ‘want’, human beings should ‘wish’. Hrmph. Why? Ever had a coughing fit with a fruit facemask plastered on? And the mask has settled in a way that doesn’t allow you to move your face? Weird experience.

Think the salon/ parlour girl tried to kill me today. First she burned my thigh with scalding wax. Then she stuffed my nostrils with massage cream and I couldn’t move my mouth because I had a facemask on. Bitch. Noticed how after a trim your hair always looks shorter than you intended it to be? And one eyebrow looks thinner than the other?

(Just got the first reaction to the I-got-a-bum handle. Friend wrote in saying, “Explain.”)

Ok, advice needed. Say you got a bed that had Kamasutra figurines etched on the headpost. Will you show it to your parents?

And WHY do women who SCREAM during waxing try and get a bikini wax? This woman came out crying, with a red face and snot flowing out. Gross. If I were her husband/boyfriend and had seen her in that state, would put me off forever. Shave woman, shave. But didn’t say it, somehow didn’t think she’d appreciate advice. Between, do any of you sneeze when getting your upper lip done? (Boys please avoid answering this, I am still getting used to men tweezing.)

Sometimes, no matter how much you want to jump someone because they are looking simply TASTY sitting on a beanbag, you can’t. Sometimes because the dog either gets in the way and thinks you want to play and sometimes because you are irritated and don’t know why. So irritating.

Sometimes it’s really nice when you know you are lazy, the other knows you are lazy too, but no one calls you lazy and the other does all the work. Like reading online forms and applications for various things. I HATE reading online forms and applications.

Noticed how when you are trying to grow nails and all five on one hand are about to reach optimal length, one fucking nail breaks? Despite you drinking at least half a litre of milk everyday. What rot. I like saying “What rot.” Picked it off a friend. What rot what rot what rot…
Tududoo. That’s another one.

My dad hates the fact that I am very, er, “demonstrative” when speaking. I also give sound effects. Shrug. Do you?

I like writing posts with no sense to them.

Ever had sex with the feeling that something is watching you? Then turned on the light to find it’s a life-size teddy bear? Laughed with relief, turned your head and found the dog staring in through the window? Looking depressed?

Head-banging! THAT’s what I need for sure. A good session of wham-bam music and a neck pain the day later, lots of sweating. Haven’t been to a good gig in ages. But that’s not what’s irritating me. AAAARGH. (And no, that is not sex standing on your head, too much blood rush)

And I look VERY bad in passport pictures. VERY. I also have five pimples, all on the same side of the face. Not fair. The hair looks nice though.

Dad had gifted me eight sets of crystal glasses in different designs and shapes. Now only one set is left, crystal wine glasses. I broke one out of that as well. Only five left. I am a disaster with glassware.

I need adventure. Maybe need to travel. See a new place, somewhere other than Delhi. Need to meet people I like immediately. Participate in some sport and WIN. Have to win. Don’t like losing, I don’t have anything against losing, just that am a bad loser. I make a better winner. Haha.

Ok bas. Enough. Irritated, remember?

PS: People have Monday morning blues…I seem to have Saturday ones… most Saturday posts end up being random.