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January 31, 2008

F*****g illogical irritating items...

... that PISS me off! Gnnnnnnaaaash.

1. No milk, sugar or coffee when you are dying for your morning cuppa. Or even worse, one little cup of milk left and just when you’re about to pour it in the cup, either you drop the pan or upturn the filled-up cup. (Lord save the others on such a day)

2. The maid turning up late or not coming in at all, on days you especially need her to come early. Like when there are guests coming and there’s dog poo/pee on the terrace.

3. Finding your phone outgoing suddenly barred without any intimation the shits would bar it. THEN finding weird parallel phone connections on your cellphone. (Vodafone sucks) Or a new battery dying – despite charging – just when you’re expecting an important call or are in the middle of one.

4. Laptop battery dying when you’re filing official story. And of course it’s always when you are just about to save your work. Or a laptop that needs constant power backup else wouldn’t work (why the fuck is it a laptop then?!)

5. Too much static in your hair with it standing on all sides, on a day you need it to look good. And of course, it’s always on these days that people decide to pat you on the head. Result? Backless dress and hair standing at an end giving you the just-been-electrocuted look. And then, standing under the a-c draft in restaurants and the hair blowing out in all directions...

6. Applying a lot of mascara and getting a bug in your eyes two minutes before entering a party. Result? Your eyes water, you HAVE to rub and carefully done-up makeup runs down your face. Of course it was supposedly water-proof mascara.

7. Sudden pimple on your upper lip on an Important Public Appearance day. Any use of camouflaging tactics will only make the pimple more obvious. Also, has anyone noticed how pimples/ zits ALWAYS appear on the Most Conspicuous part of your face? Like the nose.

8. Sudden potty pressure when you are especially far away from any toilet. Like sitting in an autorickshaw, when stuck in a jam, on a fly-over. OR, running late, getting sudden potty pressure, running into the loo, pulling down panty hose, panicking you’re getting really late… and then nothing happens.

9. Going to work with new ideas and a Plan For The Day… and either the boss asking you to do something else, not do anything or the Internet crashing therefore ensuring you cant do anything. I HATE non-productive days at work.

10. YouTube videos refusing to open despite a 256 kbps broadband connection. And then if at all they do open, your laptop hangs.

11. People who SMS after two years and expect you to have their numbers saved. If you’re sending a bloody SMS, why the fuck cant you send your name with it?

12. Stepping on dog pee/poo in your best shoes that have just been polished and not finding anything to clean it with. And of course you smell of poo for the rest of the day and get weird looks from people. OR, stepping on dog piss/poo when you’re walking around in socks. Eww.

13. Your only cigarette falling into the shit-pot or getting wet… And it’s either too late or too early for any goddamn shop to be open. Ditto with your last box of matches and of course you cannot find a lighter anywhere…

14. Lighters and match boxes being borrowed by people at parties and mysteriously vanishing just when you need to light your bloody cigarette. IF you are a bloody smoker, fucking carry your own matches. Stupid people should NOT smoke. (And people who smoke aren’t stupid? Nevermind)

15. A power cut when you’re just 15 minutes from filing your copy and have already told your boss it’ll be in his inbox soon. And then, when you’re explaining your position two hours later on Google talk, the bloody chat tool develops “technical problems” and does not let you reconnect. Or “remote host not allowing connection” on your anytime-anywhere data card.

16. Bladder pressure at 4 am… and it’s fucking cold and you're bloody warmly tucked in. Then walking into the loo and stubbing your toe on a bucket of cold water causing cold water to splash all over you. THEN stepping out of the loo and Point 12 happening…

17. A run in your stockings that you notice half-way to an interview/ party. And being five feet tall the goddamn thing reaches right under your bra strap effectively removing any chances of removing it… If at all you notice at home, you are already late and have not considered another coordinated outfit, because of course you were not considering having runny stockings now, were you? Grrr.

18. Entire nail polish bottle upturning on your favourite dress… Or on your dog. THEN if you use acetone to remove it, the dress material gets all crinkled. As for the dog, the acetone goes to its head and it starts spinning madly…

19. Sitting for sophisticated dinner with sophisticated people, sipping sophisticated wine/ champagne and like a dolt, knocking over the wine/ champagne bottle. And in embarrassment to mop it up, breaking their beautiful crystal ware… (Shudder)

20. Dog deciding to howl on top of its lungs just when neighbour celebrates kid’s birthday on terrace opposite yours. Of course the neighbour considers a howling dog to be a bad omen, usually symbolizing death. And the shit wouldn’t shut up!

21. People calling 17 times, non-stop AFTER you have disconnected them the first time. GET the fucking message you idiot.

22. Running out of the bath, shampoo in hair, cold draught on your naked arse, slipping over lazy lying dogs to answer the phone and it either shuts off or is a bloody telemarketeer. I swear if I EVER lay my hands on them… (Preferably when not naked)

23. No candles in the house when the power’s out. Or finding candles and no matches. Or only matches falling into pot. Or no power JUST when you are about to apply makeup… and no candles etc.

24. People deciding to go for after-dinner walks and you are the only one in 6-inch heels. Then being called a spoil sport for not joining. DUH.

25. Being invited for a kickass pool party… and you beginning to leak on that day. And THEN having to baby sit irritating kids of irritating woman BECAUSE “You are not getting in the pool are you?”

26. A full ashtray upturning on your bed, everyday. And the day you avoid and rejoice your dog comes running into the room and does it anyway. Dogs somehow NEVER miss full, upturnable ashtrays.

27. DVD player not letting you change region code for unfathomable reasons. Or suddenly playing a DVD and then suddenly stopping when you get all excited, for unfathomable reasons.

28. Women who leave toilet seats wet in restaurant loos… So you weren’t bathing in there sistah, HOW did you get the bloody seat wet?

29. Women opening taps on full gush in pubs and the water sprinkling all over your white top. And, blob of chocolate/ coffee/ other stainable substance falling on your boob, right on the nipple and of course you are again wearing white.

30. A whole lot of unwhipped, forming-over-cooling-milk cream getting into your mouth when you’re having coffee. You spluttering it out in disgust and it landing on person opposite you.

All of the above – or a whole lot of them – happening on the same day. Sigh. And then writing the points down and not being able to upload because Blogger is “outing”.

17 comments:

Ravi said...

WoW!!

Excellent article on some REAL FACTS which happen in our daily lives!!

# I agree with point 4 - it happens with me all the time!

# I'm sure, point 8 happens to lots of people ;o)

# Point 11 is damn true!

# If you're living in India, then point 15 is very relevant!

# I've seen point 19 happening lots of time, whenever I'm eating out ;o)

# Point 21 is also damn true!

# I'm sure, we all experience point 22 at least once a week ;o)

# Point 27 used to happen, when we used to have 2 dogs@our home and Dad used to smoke as if, there's no tomorrow!

# Point 32 is happening now on a regular basis..I wonder why?

avijit bakshi said...

Hi,

Remembered one last point that was bugging me about your blog. Won't go into quoting the exact sentence for the moment. But In an earlier post you had said that it was ok for a guy to put his hand on your behind if he did it right. For instance, this guy at a pub had said with the right degree of cuteness and brazenness (post putting his hand on your behind)that the pleasure of his tactile adventure was worth it even though he might have to face dire consequences. Very endearing, I agree, seriously. On the other hand another less attractive personality had done it grossly, and you would not accept that, and rightly. No problem. Free choice and all that. Only one thing though. What if the cute guy emboldened by his successful tactile adventure moves onto another girl who is not into any kind of touch without permission, ever. The guy would be just as nice, really no problem, but the girl because of her different take on life might be traumatised. And you would have encouraged that guy into thinking that under certain circumstances with the right kind of girl in the right kind of way it is ok, to touch without permission. But the result of that unasked for and no-permission touch may not be ok. It might be a violation.

So I think it is better not to countenance strangers touching you without permission, ever. You might be able to deal with it. Someone else may not. And waht's worse, you would be encouraging a world where a guy can touch a girl without permission and get away with it.

Do consider.

What do you think?

Take care.

Keep up the good work.

Avi

Anonymous said...

come to think of it, i have been through all of them, one at a time though
and thankfully the power cut is a thing in the past.
sigh!

Pointblank said...

hey girl... u have a tough life! Sympathies!!

itchingtowrite said...

variation of no 1- and the kids want atlast 3 more helpings of duddu.. well how much water can u mix to satosfy him... until u boil & cool another pack
no 2- is th biggest bummer. and u end up finishing the dishes & washing the poop filled chaddi and madam walks in saying why worry, i wud have come definitely

J. Bo said...

Itchy...and then the milk "phato-ing"...er, what the heck is the englis phrase for that?!!! Milk getting spoilt just doesnt cut it for me here. UFFFF MAIDS. It sure is a luxury to have one and yet for all the headache...

Pointblank... not tough, just irritating, at times. Things could get much worse like constantly worrying about rape, but it's nice to STILL find time to get irritated about the "smaller" things in life. In the larger scheme of things, am pretty sure we are all gonna get effed sooner or later.

Ravi: such enthusiasm towards disaster! :P

Anonymous: WHERE do you stay that doesnt have power cuts. Lemme know, will shift as well!

Avijit: will respond, this one will take time. In short though, wheher a chick wants her bum touched or not -- even if its Adonis -- is completely her prerogative.

avijit bakshi said...

Sure, absolutely! But does she also have a resposibility to other chicks who might not want their behinds touched in public and is she encouraging the wrong thing, the wrong kind of public behaviour?

Even the right kind of men can go wrong on a bad evening.

Sorry.

Avi

avijit bakshi said...

Or in short should a chick allow a stranger to touch her behind and exercise her prerogative even at the cost of encouraging other chicks to be pawed, specially in a society like India.

Sorry again.

Avi

rima said...

i live in the arabland :D
Relocated to Dubai from Delhi 4 months back., and cribbed every moment eversince. I guess i prefer Delhi, with/without the power cuts.
btw, dint realise i left an anon comment.

Pointblank said...

hey... loved that real-life horros stories of urs. It scared the shit out of me. Tho I know these things happen ALL the time, reading it just reaffirms ur fears. I dont know whether m just paranoid, but I live constantly under fear - I look with suspicion right from the guy who brings in he gas cylinder to the water supplier!!

And m curious to know how did girl in point 7 (lonely jungle)get out of tehre unscathed. It can be helpful in future.

Usha said...

Eve, you don't know how good it actually feels to know that these things happen even to smart (journo types) people and not just klutzes like me. Not being sarcastic, when I see you people so calm and composed with all those deadline stresses underneath, I really think you need to be super smart to be a jounalist.

What is your dog's name? How old is she/he? any pics?

Anonymous said...

At least I can help you out with No.27. download VLC player and if you are not using an RPC2 drive, you have the privilege of never having to change your region code. There are some ways to get around the situation if you are using an RPC2, but believe me, you dont want to try a firmware upgrade.

Silvara said...

heheh all of them have been there, done that at one point or another....but all on one day has got to suck majorly.

anonme said...

rofl! girl i have had a couple of em happening at the same time for me! it sure does suck bigggg time..


P.S: i am blogrolling you, i just hope you don't mind!

Eve* aka jb said...

Hey there Rima: No issues with the anonymous as long as the anon isn't wishing me sodomy!!! And thankyou for adding a name to your comments. Sigh. Been in this city for 10 years now, sometimes, I think of changing cities and then am not too sure if I love the place and therefore dont leave it, or if Delhi just makes you used to it....Still wondering.

Pointblank: The girl in the lonely jungle stood in the middle of the road, nervous as hell that if no car came or no autos came...She was in deep trouble. Thankfully, another auto came by, she hopped onto it and left. But it sure scared the daylights out her as well. And thanks for liking the post... many said that the suggestions on that post were "regressive". Shrug.

Usha: Seriously, journos are the last of the cool-composed brigade lemme tell you that! You should come down to a media office and see, MADNESS I tell you. As forme, I have a klutzy gene in me, if it can be dropped/spilled/bumped into, yours truly WILL do it! The dogs are called Golu Dawg (1 year, 4 months) and Princess Loona (also responds to the name 'Piglet', 8 months old). Will post pics shortly. :) AND since this morning they pood, peed and spewed in the bloody drawing room, lemme know if you would be interested in adopting the shits.

Anon-dvd-helper: Thanks, we got into some website and figured it. Sigh. But now, the bloody OFFICIAL DVD of Johnny Gaddaar is bogus. Soooo pissed.

Silvara: If all of em arent happening on the same day, bloody eight of them are. So I have relatively sucky and non-sucky days. And i LOVE complaining. :D

Akila.... Hello and welcome and thankyou for blogrolling and more than that, thanks for the ROFL...bloody makes me feel good that someone sees the funny side of my misfortune. (dramatic scowl) ;)

Itchingtowrite said...

milk splitting shud be the word! that is another bum. it happned to me once 2 days a row - totally 5 packets sufferd that fate and how much paneer can u hav (ach tim th husband says- oh that spoilt milk u made paneer...) and more problmatic is the storing of the separated whey for using for rotis. feel guilty throwing it away and no space in the fridge too

vEENs said...

HILARIOUS

*too much static in your hair .. LOL so true!

every point. so damn happens with me too :)