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January 25, 2008

Don't talk to sexy bloggers when...

OR... How to keep a relationship, in the Internet age
And this is completely a woman's perspective, me being a woman and all... (Though was told this morning that one "becomes" a woman only at 30... another year to go then! But then was also told that "girls aren't that bad either".)

1. Never encourage your man to blog. You'd suddenly find whole lot of women getting interested in him.

2. If at all he does start, dont let him put a picture up. You'd suddenly find whole lot of women getting interested in him.

3. If he also puts a picture up, quickly change your profile picture to the hottest you might have. It's always good for your hit counts and keeps him on his toes. Deny it vociferously if asked.

4. Never let your guy see who pokes you on facebook... Somehow the very day he sees it will always be all men.

5. Delete all former flirtatious messages from your inbox. Somehow harmless flirting will read far more sinister when your man reads them with you.

6. It's always hard explaining why exactly did you meet a blog-stranger, especially in today's day of on-road-molestations and psychos-lurking-everywhere.

7. It's even harder when a blog-stranger you met -- and tried to convince Partner was a "nice enough bloke" -- does turn out to be a psycho.

8. Never stick up for a male blog-commentor if he writes anything more than "nice job". Your man will instantly dislike him and get irritated with you for not blocking him.

9. If you say you are going to block someone, do it instantly. It's tough explaining how a "blocked" person suddenly appears on your chat screen two days later.

10. Never point to an interesting profile picture and say, "He looks good". If by any remote chance of fate --- fate plays those tricks -- that profile is strangely added to your friends' list, erm, it leads to questions.

11. Never add a stranger in your friends list if you don't know him (that's what stranger means stupid). When rightly asked, "What if he's a psycho?" by your man, it's always a tough one to answer. (And he "looks good" or "sounds smart" are the wrong answers)

12. Have reasons ready on why you wrote about "men you wont shag"... There are good chances you will be asked about the ones you might have shagged. Also tricky if your list has like 20 reasons...

13. Never start chatting with a good-looking blogger when lying in bed with your man.

14. Don't add "compare people" applications... Your being voted the "Most Desirable Person" in your friends' circle will lead to questions like, "You mean your bloody male pals want to sleep with you?"

15. Don't give nicknames to blog-pals of opposite sex, especially if your nicknames are anyting like "Serial Fucker".

16. Never tell your partner you can hack into emails -- if pushed into situations of course, you are not a criminal, are you now? -- especially if he a has an ex who simply wouldn't GO AWAY.

17. Don't attach too much importance to ex-es commenting, tagging, poking your man. Of course, always keep your eyes open and senses alert. And as mentioned earlier: If you get the chance, trip her on the stairs.

18. Don't answer quizzes about "what kind of man will fall for you" -- if the answer is drastically different from the man you have, it's an uh-oh situation.

19. Never answer quiz requests from male pals about "How good a kisser are you?", it will lead to funny questions about male pal and why he wants to know you kiss.

20. It's always going to be tough answering why certain men on your friends list want to "kiss you", "cuddle you" and generally want you to indulge in physically demonstrative applications.

PS: And of course, always insist a post like this one was in good fun. Bwahaha. Happy e-relationship maintaining!


Itchingtowrite said...

if he does put a picture up, insist that he puts yours (the hot sexy one) along with his... sort of saying- I am already claimed by her...or i belong to her... the slavishly romantic type sentence.
also u cud add a link on your profile- this hot man is my man types...linking to his blog....
protecting him from predatory females

avijit bakshi said...

You're probably going to hate me for this...ha ha..but here goes.

Get a backbone girl! Don't pander. Don't make excuses for who you are. You are who you are and probably always will be...so there's no need to make excuses or get confrontational. Coz if you do make excuses and adjustments and plays that go against your grain, when there's a fight ( as there sometimes will be, bhwaaaaahahaha), you'll land up wondering, 'I did my best for him, I changed, I adjusted and look what I get in return.'

Better to be as you really are and love with the force of your true self.

And remember this comment is just in good fun bwaahahaha!

Take care


Pointblank said...

hey...interesting read! Glad to know tat u become a woman only when u hit ur 30's. I 'm 24 n I was craving for my 'girlier' days back :)

Jay said...

Um .. nice post.

And ... decent looking pic of you on your profile.

and ... moderately neato blog you have here.

Hope I didn't get you in any trouble with my comments. ;-)

Maxine said...

Look who is jealous!hehe
Isnt that wonderful when couples get jealous of each other.But hopefully they will always remember that jealousy comes from love and too much of love is better than the other.Never to let the two even balance.
mmwwaahh (to the girl).Namaste to the bloke. ;)

bluecoffeemug said...

Too gud, loved the post...blog..

Silvara said...

hehehe which is why i haven't nagged him to *keep* blogging lol....all of this sooo true... sigh

Anonymous said...

Wow, congratulations, you've hammered the same goddamn point 20 times. The absolute pinnacle of creative writing. Enjoy your 15 minutes of fame, JB, you're gonna need these good memories so as to be able to endure what's coming next.....