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October 13, 2006

Vagina, highly distressed: Part 2

Vagina (V): Eve. Yo Eve. Down here! OF course you cant hear me. Uncross woman, ease into the chair, RELAX LADY! And let me breathe in the process. Denims make it difficult anyway. So Eve. Before you try and ignore me by running away for another cigarette break...What do you mean by indiscriminate sex?
Eve: "Indiscriminate sex is when you have sex with anyone."
Vag: Hello! when did you do THAT? Have sex with "anyone"? It's been ages.
Eve: "And that's why you are in a fit, because YOU haven't got any for sometime. You'd have me sleep with anyone. You're a Vagina, you don't think."
Vag: Quite right about me not being the Mind. I definitely don't think and complicate things. You and the Mind want to do it, go ahead, why make my life difficult?
Eve: what the fuck?! What's all this and what does this have to do with indiscriminate sex?
Vag: Not 'what' the fuck, 'where' the fuck is more appropriate in your case. Though unfortunately, my asking "where the fuck" is forced, while yours is voluntary stupidity.
Eve: what is involuntary stupidity?
Vag: That's when you are born stupid. But please, dont try and Think about it: keep your Mind out of this. We're talking about Me, your Vagina. And your abjectly selfish, Mind-centric, Heart-saving decision to not fuck..."

Eve: "...indiscriminately. I didnt say no, just the..."
Vag: "...who you sleep with. I can understand you not (or never?) wanting a relationship, but even a fuck buddy?! I think this — refer to earlier adjectives — decision of yours is all due to a skewed idea of indiscriminate sex. Or rather the application of that definition."

Eve: You've lost me Vag.
Vag: As long as you have me hun, we are all fine. Just that currently you are jeopardising my peace of...
Eve: ...mind? but you're the Vag, you're not the...
Vag: yea yea, whatever. Because in yoru case, you ave only been indiscriminate in sleeping with the Same Idiot and going back to him (them) even after you have realised it's an idiot. Because you are emotionally involved with him. It's a Mind issue. Why involve me in it? If you kept it simple, kept it to me, to sex, we would not have been having this talk and the poor Fingers would not have to type so much. You involve the Mind and then you have a Mind Fuck.
Eve: EH?

Vag: Ys. Only the Vagina - me - is supposed to fuck. The Mind's job is to think. So when you want the Mind to fuck — that's not its KRA — it bungles up adn you have a Mind Fuck. Haven't you ever thought how though the word Fuck by itself is quite pleasurable (oh the forgotten pleasures, hint, hint), the moment you attach a Mind prefix to the fuck, it becomes a Mind Fuck: a negative thing.

Eve: Er, get to the point... and I cant have sex for the fuck of it (shrug), what about my self respect et al?

Vag: O bloody big O. You have issues with everything. The only thing you need to change is that Mind of yours and we would all be living in fornicating happiness, ever after. I just want to fuck. It's the Mind that first wants to the "know" the FO (fuck object), then likes it the sends wrong signals to the Heart which makes you crave the hugs etc. Stupid. Please only me adn you'd be happy.

Eve: Basically think like a man, eh? Fuck and forget?

Vag: Umm. Think like a Penis, to be precise. A man does not have to make a special effort to think the way I am suggesting because after all, a Man' Mind IS in his Penis. Put your Mind in your Vagina and you will live happily ever after too. Because baby, there's no point suffering the whole Man when all you need is the Penis. Just get a vibrator.

PS: this isnt even multiple personality disorder.


lucky said...

That bit about getting a vibrator was interesting....

Ja, you can have a second Suhaag Raat when you use it the first time. Make with the ghunghat and payals....rose petals on the bed...!! hehehe

Incidentally, there are some pretty fancy vibes available in sex shops abroad. I saw one fascinating one (no not the size, that was good interesting 8-9 incher), but it had such a realistic head, a midportion stuffed with beads that rotated on its own under battery action, AND an attached thin short whiplike vibe for the ...errrr...other entrance shall we say??

Maybe you should start another section ;I am Eve's Anus, highly ignored!!"...lol

but the acknowledged king of vibes is the Omax Massager... "Can get an orgasm out of a stone" goes the blurb..