Don't you just hate it when people meet you after ages and say, "Oh, nice, you have put on weight." WTF?!
Next time I shall say, "Thank-you, wow, your nostrils look smaller today."
Or, "Gee, did you get your stomach stapled? It almost looks flat."
Or, "Do share your secrets in bed, if your husband is screwing you despite your face, I wanna know what you do!"
PS: Uni today; am off.