Presumptions are the mother of all cock-ups.No matter what country you are in, some things really don't change. Complete strangers don't think twice about asking personal questions. Or stupid questions. Most people we meet here know that I have moved to Australia with Partner. If they don't know, they are told so when Partner introduces me to them. This is also a country where living together without getting married is not unusual; people know what it means to "live" with someone. It means you are going to stay together. So I don't understand when people ask, "How long are you going to stay in Australia?" What does that mean?
What answers are people expecting? "As long as Partner keeps me?" "Till I don't find a better looking, richer man?" "As long as Partner does not decide to date a blonde, white girl?" Oh yes, I did try the date-white-girl version and the reply to that was, "Ah don't worry about that. You know (wink) 'Once you date black, you never go back'?" Really. Was that wink supposed to make me ignore that you made an ignorant, underhanded comment? Or ignore your stupidity? Because LOOK again. I am B.R.O.W.N. There is a huge difference; like four shades.
Or strangers you've only just been introduced to think it's their goddamn right to ask, "So when are you getting married?" Why? Are you paying my wedding bills? Are you giving me away? Am I in love with your f-king son? No? So shut up. Till recently, I have smiled at that question and answered with a, "Let's see" and walked away. However, it's getting difficult.
At a recent meeting with people, as is the meet-new-people routine, I am introduced to everyone. I understand that people will be curious. It is a different thing to hear about mixed couples and it is a totally different thing when someone you know starts dating a 100 % Indian girl ( as against born-brought-up-overseas Indian girl). I guess it is even MORE different/bizarre when said boy goes to work in India for two years and comes back with a girlfriend. (I wonder if I should have a "Made in India" tattoo)
Perhaps some people were expecting me to wear a sari, a bindi and break into a Bollywood song-dance routine every two minutes. Or sit cross-legged on the dinner table and eat with my fingers. Well, I DO enjoy sitting cross-legged on chairs -- my size allows me to do so -- but I can use cutlery very well (including chopsticks). Though honestly, I am still partial to eating with my fingers. I can even eat pasta with my fingers (learnt in Sikkim). Anyhoo. What I know is that this curiosity is harmless. I am dead certain that Partner will be even MORE stared at when he finally meets my family back in India. Knowing some of my relatives, I am quite sure some of them will also giggle or point at him and say "White man" and perhaps ask him to do some Shane Warne bowling actions...
ARGH, digressing, getting back to the story... So I am introduced to all new people and amongst them is this offensive woman who took it upon herself to just stare at my face. Not like surreptitious looking but outright staring. There was nothing curious or harmless about the stare. It was a "what-did-he-see-in-her" stare. And no, I was not imagining. I am very good with understanding looks and even better at reading vibes. Having had enough of her silent staring, I said a polite hello and walked off. Only to have to sit next to her again. Two mintues of me sitting next to her, she asks, "So, are you going to marry him (Partner)?" This question was even more bizarre than the when-are-you-marrying one. It irritated me and I said, "No I will not." Unfortunately, I played right into her hands. She responded with, "Ah. You must be one of those people from India who come here and then never go back."
No, I did not slap her. But it's making me angry again. The second incident happened in class yesterday. This chick said something on the lines of, "Marry him then divorce him" etc. I didn't say anything to her either. BUT the next time she does, I will ensure I screw political correctness in the bum. Enough.
PS 1: Before any of you say,"Don't worry about what other people say", "Learn to let things go" or "You have a bigger heart than them, move on" etc. I KNOW all that. While I respect all attempts/suggestions at positive thinking, at this moment, I do not give a bloody damn f-ck.
PS 2: Ranted at Partner. He heard, cocked his head, hugged me BIG, kissed my forehead and said, "It's ok for you to be angry as long as you remember I am not them; I love you." Sigh. He good man.
Toon courtesy: The Back Porch Studio
13 comments:
arent you blessed to be able to add that ps2.And the power of words and a blog.and billy.and the one who gave u billy.the time,the place,the no job situation so to sit n write whtever u r upto.baking,the gardening,learning to drive.oh,r u driving yet?
You know instead of the "made in India" tattoo, you should get an "Up yours" tattoo (like a middle finger).. and everytime, you get the feeling that someone is going start the same crap, tell them "ooohh, before you start, I have something exciting to show you" and show them the tattoo..
It would set the tone of the conversation from there on...:D
Bah, ignore me, I am crazy.. I had to deal with truckloads of brahmans, the DH's side who assumed just because I was a christian that I would grill them and have them as toppings over my pizza.. :)
may be u cud've told her that 'he wont mind, since he used me to extend his indian visa!' or something like 'no chance ... am already bored of this place ...'
isnt it fun to see how perverted people can think :) it shudnt bother u as long as u can add that PS2. so. just laugh at them
@ Dee: I might just do that. Or perhaps start cursing in Hindi; will give me the satisfaction and no one will understand.
@ Sandeep: sigh. Yeah, laughing might be a good idea...only they wouldn't get the joke.
@ Sree: PS2 is good.
O minee... that was pretty an xperiance...
i thought these days it doesnt happen, that way, these days.. bt dnt worry, it wil happen only in the starting, later they wil b so habituated that they wont b even surpriced seein stayin ther even if its 4 the next 20yrs
What an annoying, bigoted, ignorant ass you met! Wish you were still in India where SOMETIMES you can deservedly smack people for being a stupid bitches. And not get sued for physical assault.
I think, I will take inspiration from your post and write my next one. When my BF took me home, there was an uncomfortable gawk + gape. They thought Indian, brown, bindi, vegetarian and he got home a chinki, pale, beef eating woman.
first of all, lucky girl. such a loving understanding man in your life.Inter caste/religion/nation marriages/relationships are easy to get into but difficult to maintain due to these same God damn reasons. Such idiots exist everywhere. You formulate a plan to deal with them. Either keep quiet and maintain your dignity etc etc, or have witty rebuttals in hand(or head, ones that are funny, bet get the its-none-of-your-fucking-business point straight across. Don't get rude, because that will work against you. I completely understad your angst, and here is a BIG virtual hug for you to get over that shit!
so look-on-the-bright-side words will SO not work when angry..
anyway
as has already been pointed out by you (and many of the comments)..
PS2 makes it worth it
that deserves a smile no?
ps- i love sitting with my feet curled up underneath me.....and yes, eating with my fingers too!
:)
@ go-phish: (much, much calmer now) Oh yeah. Eating with your fingers is a much-ridiculed, least-appreciated art. If it were that simple or that easy, everybody could do it. Even amongst Indians, some do it neatly -- use only the tips of their fingers -- while others make a complete mess of things (and fingers)
:)
Bitch indeed.
That said, the ignorance is rampant in India as well. I'm dating a British guy and every Indian I know simply assumes I'm going to either go to England or marry him to get a British passport. When I tell them we're planning to live in India and I have no desire to get a British passport, they're completely baffled.
You're already familiar with the staring and the rude comments. And I won't even get into the "when are you getting married?" thing.
Or how they've already decided that they'd like our kids to be white.
*sigh*
@ Mridu: ouch @ the babies. :| hmm. my friend said on facebook that the biggest merit of dating a white man is that he won't give a f-ck about what people say. i am gonna hold on to that, you too.
As for kids, we hope to have caramel ones. :)
Next time somebody asks you something stupid, use the choicest gaalis you can think of in Hindi, say them to his/her face, smile politely and then walk off!
Phew! Just thinking that thought is making me feel better!
poor girl, its in the US n UK that you have to marry to get the Green or whatever color card it is. in Australia they are distributing citizenships left right and centre in australia...drop the gora and go for an evenly brown coloured one ;) ? LOL
so what gaalis do you have in mind for me :D
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