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April 9, 2009

Potty Survey: Bowelled over

It is better to have a man who farts and laughs than have a man who farts and blames it on you.
–Kungfucius

Those who have been on this blog for long will remember that in January 2008, we all participated in something called The Potty Survey.

Based on the answers given in the survey and answers received by way of random shit-talking, here are some potty myths and truths.
  1. Everyone has experienced the feeling of really wanting to shit but not finding an appropriate place. Unfortunates have experienced it more than once.
  2. Depending on geographical locations – and cultural sensibilities – everyone has had at least one experience of no toilet paper, or no water or no mug for the water.
  3. Everyone has felt the pressure in impossible-to-leave situations like church weddings, presentation before the CEO or funerals.
  4. Everyone, at some point, has looked at their shit to see if it was "all right".
  5. Most people are really happy talking about shit, literally.
  6. Mostly it is women who go, “Eww, I don’t talk about potty.” Such women are lying because everyone talks shit some of the time.
  7. Any man who goes “eww” about shit is to be completely avoided. Research has proven that it is not a natural man.
  8. Most women have had to go to a men’s toilet at some point in their life.
  9. Most people have realised that it is really not easy shitting under an open sky. How did the ancestors do it?
  10. All men think their poo does not smell. Most women deny it.
  11. A man’s urgency to shit increases with the frequency of morning farts. The louder it is, the prouder they are.
  12. Increasing number of women also think it is cool to fart. It’s part of a new movement called fart feminism.
  13. Most men take 20 minutes or more for their morning shit.
  14. Most women finish the job and are gone in 60 seconds (or 5 minutes).
  15. Most men will go once in the morning and be done with it.
  16. Most women have more than one potty trip. Maybe it has something to do with Point 14.
  17. Women talk about shit as much as men do; only women call it “bowel movements”.
  18. Most people have wondered why a baby’s shit smells as bad as it does...
  19. Constipation causes more trouble than heartbreak.
  20. Most smokers will always save a cigarette for next morning’s poo.
  21. Most smokers have dropped a cigarette/ lighter/ matchbox in a shitpot at least once.
  22. Perfectly working toilet flushes will mysteriously stop working at a party.
  23. Someone will always leave a decorated dump in the above situation.
  24. It is easier solving a murder than finding out above mentioned dumpster.
  25. Majority have had the uncomfortable experience of shitting in their pants; almost everyone thought it was a fart when it was much more sinister…
  26. All parents have at least one embarrassing potty story about you. They always choose the most populated family gatherings to narrate such stories.
  27. Most people who say other people are full of shit are in denial about themselves.

6 comments:

Perakath said...

Hee hee. 20 is right-on, although when I smoked I never felt the urge to smoke on the morning pot. I have friends who can't go without a fag, though.

And at home we call 25 'sharting'-- as per that actor who played Capote in Along Came Polly...

Swati said...

really accurate list :)
75% of the time we talk about sex and the rest potty :)

St. Bernard said...

true that about 13 and 14

Shrey said...

Hi Jhoomur,
Another hilarious post as usual... Your 'insights' are quite accurate, esp on women talking about shit. I did a test and shared your post with a number of female colleagues at work and with the exception of Priyanki every one agreed to most points and laughed a lot... No 'ewws'
:)

MsMRC said...

Eeesh!!
left my comment for this one on your previous blog...

flygye12 said...

where's the part about reading on the potty?