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December 12, 2007

The man, the boss and the rapist

It’s been happening a bit too frequently now. Each time I plan out a fun post, something happens that sends me reeling back to angry writing. This time though, it’s not something that happened to me. So this girl went to a house party with her colleagues where her boss tried to jump her. Rather he pinned her down on the bed and tried to force himself on to her. In legal parlance, it’s called attempted rape.

What is the girl doing about it? Nothing. She quit her job and when asked as to why she wasn’t taking the matter further, the girl said, “Oh but he is a good man. He was only drunk that night.” Interestingly, this “nice man” has three other attempted-rapes to his 'credit' and all three girls left the organization. And of course, like all “nice” men, he has a wife and a kid and thus needs to get drunk to force other women.

Listen up women. A nice man – whether drunk, stoned or baked out of his head on cocaine – will NEVER try to rape a woman. For those (stupid) women who have not bothered to find out: RAPE is a crime of power and dominance and NOT about sex or physical gratification. If a man tries to rape you, please lose all notions that he is a “good” man. He is not. He is a fucking raging criminal who will eventually get bolder with each attempted rape that is NOT reported. This is a man - even if he is/has been your boyfriend or husband -- who has issues with women and usually would like to dominate and subjugate women. "NO" is a fucking perfectly understandable word. If you say no and the guy still tries to force himself on you; that's a bonafide rapist you are looking at. He WILL try it again.

(Much like women-beaters. Please UNDERSTAND, men hit women NOT because of provocation -- no matter how many times a man tells you that the woman asked for it; a woman perhaps ask for it when she does a Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, comes at you with a fucking knife -- but because that man CAN hit a woman. If he does it once, he will do it again. I have had it from two men in life; and prior to testing their strength on me, both men have had a record of hitting other women. And am sure will hit others)

However, let’s stop for a minute here. WHY don’t women report cases of sexual harassment at work or in this particular scenario, an attempted rape? Usually people will tell you that the women are scared of societal retribution and what their families will say and what people will think about her. It could ALSO be a case that the girl was guilty of encouraging the man in the first place. Thinking that they can keep things under control... and of course they can't.

Please get this straight: NO woman wants to be raped. However, I have known women who have willingly encouraged attention and cheap jokes and a casual touch here and there from their bosses or superiors. Why do they encourage these things if they don’t want situations to lead further? Simply because these women think that if a little flirtation furthers their careers, there’s nothing wrong with it. What's wrong with it is that you are sending out the signal that you are okay with the man being a sleaze ball with you. If you are okay with raunchy jokes and your boss frequently putting his arm around your shoulders or your waist, or are discussing your sex life with your boss and thinking it’s cool: fucking think again. While today office environments and office decorum is much more relaxed than it used to be earlier-- you put people together, eventually they will fuck -- some basic rules don’t change.

1. you don’t flirt with your boss, more so if the dude is married.
2. If you are flirting, be prepared when the boss would want the things to go further; and that he is not used to a no since you have been cooperative so far.
3. if you are discussing your personal or your sex life details with your colleagues and friends; there is a certain image you are portraying. In simple words it’s called being an “easy” woman. It has nothing to do with being comfortable with who you are or being liberated enough to say what you want to say. Some things should not be discussed in the office; and your sex life is one of them.
4. There are people who meet and fall in love in offices. HOWEVER, office flings are not looked at kindly. And you should be prepared for the sniggers and the looks and perhaps even people thinking that you are not professional enough. And of course other sleaze balls thinking you are fair game for them.
5. if ANY man tries to rape you or forces you in ANY fucking way, it is NOT a good man. It’s a man who has been getting away with shit for far too long. If it's your boyfriend, get out of that relationship and report it. If it's your boss, fucking report it, that's a predator who needs to be in the dock. Please understand that your boss is a man first and then a superior. ANY man (the sort we are discussing here) if given encouragement and signals that the woman is okay with advances, WILL fucking make those advances. You cannot run complaining that you were okay sharing dirty jokes and dirty looks and a little flirtation and not anything else. Either play it the entire distance or if you are not going to be comfortable with what ensues, nip it in the bud.

And for the sake of other women who will be working in that organization and who perhaps don’t want to lose their jobs, PLEASE take your pawning your body OUT of the office. YOU spoil things for other chicks who are only interested in their work and advancing their careers the right way – it’s called hard work – and not by pimping themselves to their bosses. Often we women ASK for things to happen to them. We give these bastards (and it does NOT mean all men so don’t you guys dare write back with how-can-you-hate-men) a chance to do what the fuck they want because we give them the fucking encouragement. Kindly stop it.

Don’t let a man or men get the better of you. It’s your body, it’s your integrity, it’s your professionalism at stake. If you don’t safe guard it and look after it, no-fucking-one is going to be doing it for you anyway. It’s fucking disgusting how women let things happen to them especially in scenarios (like an office) where’s it’s avoidable. Pissed off.

PS: Many write in asking if I hate men. For the record: NO I don’t hate men. I am in much love with a very good man and he and others like him make it worthwhile to love and believe that certain good does exist in the species. HOWEVER, there are jerks and bastards around and I will continue writing exactly how and what I have been writing. Those who are pissed off are fucking most welcome to not read. Loss of hit counts (and idiots) really doesn’t bother me that much.


SB said...

Bonafide means well intentioned. No RAPIST can ever be termed as good intentioned.

The Cynic said...

I agree with every written word of this post.

Is it that women do not realise the harm that they are doing to themselves and those around them? I would not like to believe so. With the general workplace policies of today, truly speaking, women can take such men to task and teach them a freaking good lesson (which these men do deserve).

I have heard of such incidents earlier too. And at times the reasoning given by women who are still at the nascent stage of such attention (e.g., Oh, I can further my career and achieve my goals harnessing the interest my Boss is showing in me. I can do the kind of work that i want to and then chuck the organization when I have achieved my ends.) is astoundingly flabbergasting to a bystander/ Friend.

I sincerely hope that the maximum number of women do read this Post and decide to do something about such incidents.

DEAR WOMEN, PLEASE UNDERSTAND. YOU ARE EMPOWERED IN THE PRIMARY SENSE OF THE WORD WHEN IT COMES TO SUCH INCIDENTS. DO NOT EXCUSE THEM, TAKE ACTION UPON THEM. THESE ARE NOT FORGIVABLE ACTIONS OF GOOD MEN. For the record, these are not men, they are as the writer of this post says, ANIMALS. and if i have read her wrong. Then please add this from my side.

Maxine said...

Hey...did you notice? You said it!!! The LOVE word.And for once no "lurve".haha.Somebody is getting to know the difference ;)

Been rarely on an office situation.Yet,
Ive been asked by one of then boss (who was screwing his business partner lady)for a discreet relationship and promised me help to better my career in this land.hehe.It was a straight talk.Buoy!I declined politely.Next day met with his wife and told her about his affair with the other lady.Kaboom!Donno what happened next.But now the guy has shutdown his business,I was told.

Eve* said...

Yo SB,
also means "authentic; true"..therefor an 'authentic rapist'. Make sense?

Cynic...wrt animals, havent read wrong. Though there's a difference, animals DON'T rape. They sniff crotches and if the subject of their sniffing does not respond, they go sniff other crotches. Rats rape though.

Maxine... good job and you got lucky too. Usually, wives/partners of such men are the hardest to convince. Unfortunately more often than not, the partners of such men turn a blind eye... and, I really cannot blame them...

The time traveller said...

What does one do with women who ae willing prey for such abuse? what do you tell them? How does one woman convince the other that what actually happened was RAPE, it should be taken seriously? For your sake, for the sake of the other women, the wife and the kid. Where does the buck stop? Surprisingly the women who are subject to such abuse are extreamly free minded women who have taken some of the toughest decissions of their lives on their own and have been great help ottherwise to the troubles of womankind. Is it fear or do the guts suddenly turn jelly? What is it that prevents a woman to speak up? Again... Where does the buck stop?

Maxine said...

The wife had previously asked me on one of her rare visits to the office about her husband.At that time I wasnt aware.So..it was easy to tell her later.And i guess she was looking for a reason too.

I think women always need to be in a supportive circle of friends who will keep inspiring her to speak up.I mean,knowing that there is a support system is defenitely better than having none and wondering what she should do.Because none ,even if they are the types who would do lil this n that for their career,would not even think that they will be actually Raped or attempted by someone.

Women are tortured every where,around the world...,even in countries where one can pick girls from the street or willingly go all the way on a second date.So like Eve has written here, its about dominance,power etc.Makes me firm on my thought that men are only physically stronger than women and they know it too.

Clit Chatting aka Eve* said...

Very well said Maxine.

enigma said...

Read a couple of ur posts; A couple of questions for you -

1. As per you and girls of ur kind as you say, a guy with better intelligence, communication and other such attributes scores over someone who is handsome yet doesnt posses the same qualities. To this I would like to put u across a hypothetical situation...

Suppose u are in a party and u see a couple of guys right opposite to you, both strangers to you (so u know nothing about their nature and "qualities") but one of them is handsome hunk, good looking and the other is a lesser mortal, both decently dressed.

Now supposing u were given a chance to speak to one of them on the condition that u will never ever get to speak to the other one, WHOM WOULD U APPROACH ? Be honest and answer. Maybe u will see the point.

PS : Same holds true for guys who claim that looks of a girl dont matter.

The fact of the matter is, LOOKS MATTER unless u dont know the person. ITS THE FIRST ATTRACTION.

enigma said...

2. When we talk of dos and dont's for people viz their interaction with the opposite sex, arent we in a very polite way asking them to NOT BE HIMSELF/HERSELF?
Are we not un-intentionally encouraging exactly what we dont want them to do, i.e., PRETEND?

Gomes said...

Even though I agree with most of this post, I would like to say that it is kind of unfair to ask the women who use their looks and more to advance their career to kind of stop doing it for the sake of other women. Even if a woman is "easy" or the "office slut", and has led the boss on to that point in the bedroom, Rape is still a different game. At this point,if the man tries to force himself on her inspit of her repeated NOs, it is still RAPE! no matter what she has done to bring things to this point, it is not her fault. And there is a wide difference between a man in a position of power who has been led onto this point where he thought his advances would be welcome and a real rapist.

Cikgu Shida said...

Nice Post :)

Cerita dewasa said...

you right, nice