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December 21, 2007

3. Dirty Nights: “Gimme head!”

Glug. Smack. Ah. Glug-glug-glug.
“This beer sucks. I like my Kingfisher in pints.”
“Uh-uh.” Glug.
“But nothing beats chilled beer.”
“Got to take a piss.”
“Uh-uh.” Glug.

They stand together, one next to the other, surveying the scene before them. They stand in the darkest corner. They don’t mind the light, just that the darkest corner is also the closest to the makeshift bar. One of them is the group commentator, the other agrees to everything, the third just looks… and drinks and looks some more.

“Legs, nice.”
“Fuck the legs, check the tits.”
“Hubba-hubba.” Glug.
“Too bad her face sucks.”
“Uh-uh.” Glug.
“Yeah, too bad her face sucks, wouldn’t mind those red lips around my…”
“Hell yeah.”
Glug.Glug. Glug-glug-glug.

They stand watching a group of girls on the terrace outside. One of them is wearing a backless and gets a glance. There’s another girl covered from head to toe, she isn’t spared a look. The third is wearing a short skirt that is riding high on her thighs, showing off cellulite. The fourth girl is wearing a bright red off-shoulder, which after five drinks has turned into nearly-off-boobs. She is top heavy and her breasts are straining to break loose. She is wearing bright red nail paint, bright red lipstick and her hair is not long enough to cover her ample bosom. The girls are talking amongst themselves, casting furtive girly-looks around. Sometimes they break into a giggle, at other times – when a guy is looking at them, they will strategically place their hand on their neck or on their heaving chest while a hitherto unheard throaty laugh will come from deep inside their gut, jiggling things further.

“He’s looking at you.”
“Are you sure? He was talking to the slut sometime back.”
“Never mind HER silly. I am sure he was looking at you. He likes you!”
(Blush) “He is cute.”
“I love his dimples, say you love them too…”
“Umm…and the way his eyes crinkle. But I just lurve his arms, they look so… safe.”
“There! He looked at you again. He positively likes you sweetie! I am so happy for you.”
“Do you really think so? Do you think he will talk to me? I hope my flatmate stays out tonight…”
“Of course honey! You are pretty in an unconventional sort of way, which is quite in these days and you are smart. Just look confident. I can sense it, you two will look so good together…”
(Blush) “Sigh.”
“Listen, let’s go to the bar and get a drink.”
“No, no, he is standing there, it will look too obvious.”
“Don’t be silly. Boys are shy creatures you know and we are just getting a drink. You have to let him know you have noticed him…. C’mon.”
Shuffle, shuffle, clickity, clackity

Glug. Smack. Uh??
“Shit. No more beer, but there’s rum. Now I have had whiskey, vodka and beer, am smashed, might as well do the rum. Old Monk, my friend…”
“You want one… oi!! Ugly-face is coming this way…”
“Nice jiggle.”
“If she trips on those heels, do you think they will pop out?”
“For sure.”
“Too bad her face sucks.”
“Uh-uh, cover face, fuck base.”
(Bwahahaha) (Back slapping)
“And dude, when she’s down and I got my eyes closed, who cares about the face? Good head, is good head.”
(Bwahahaha) (More back slapping)
“Let’s get that rum and see if ugly-face can talk."

Pop. Fizz. Pour. Tinkle.
“No more ice?”
“Coke’s cold though…?”
Sip. Smack. Ah. Somewhere a TV comes on.

“That shit’s watching TV while his chick is flirting with the other guys.”
“Poor guy. Nice guy.”
“Yeah, is always well stocked with alcohol in his parties.”
“His chick has nice tits though.”
Sip. Smack. Ah.
“Whattafuckinhouse! They always show cool fuckin’ places in these shows and this one has a swimming pool.”
“Uh-uh. With nekid girls in it.”
“With THAT house and pool, the naked girls will come for free and… Dude, I just saw ugly-face giving me the eye.”
“She is hot for you.”
“Yeah, that house, that pool, naked pretty girls and ugly-face sucking my…”
(Bwahahaha) (Back slapping)
“Oh. Here she comes. Keep your mouth shut.”

Clickity clackity. Shuffle, shuffle.

“Oh! There’s no ice here sweetie, that’s a bummer.”
“And no clean glasses either and he is watching TV with his friends.”
“Oho, don’t be silly sweetie, men do things in groups. But he has been looking at you for sure.”
(Sigh) “Perhaps and… oh my god. I think he just saw me looking at him! I want to die…”
“Don’t be silly. He likes you I told you. And his friends have been laughing and smiling too, that means he positively likes you. No guy tells his friends about a girl if he doesn’t like her. But he might be shy…”
“I like shy boys… and he’s sooo cute… how do I talk to him?”
“Wait, leave it to me…”

Clickity clackity.
Sip. Smack. Ah.

“Hi guys, is there any ice?”
“Uh-uh.” Sip.
“Pardon me?”
“He means there’s none, sorry. The Coke’s cold though.”
“Oh right, thanks, how silly of us…hahaha…” (Helplessness, crinkles nose, shrugs her shoulder and does the cute laugh)
“Here…can I get you ladies a drink?”
“Oh really! How sweet of you, thankyou…”
Shuffle, shuffle. Pop. Fizz. Pour. Shuffle, shuffle.

“Sorry about no ice…”
“Don’t be silly, haha, not your fault, haha, you have been really sweet…”
Everybody stands silently staring at the TV.

“Uhm, what are you boys watching?”
“Pardon me?”
“No, no, he means we were watching some show on expensive houses and now they’re running ads.”

Everyone watches the ads. There is one where the guy puts a necklace with 20 diamonds on it around a girl’s, well, neck. The girl in the ad is beaming.

“Awww! What a sweet ad, her eyes were sparkling and he looked so happy.”
“No he didn’t.”
“Pardon me?”
“Erm, don’t mind my friend, what he means is, if you ask us guys, no guy looks happy giving that many diamonds.”
“Awww, haha, c’mon, if you loved a woman you wouldn’t mind giving her stuff like that. But boys! (Rolls eyes) When have men accepted being in love easily? What do you have to say sweetie?”
Sweetie aka ugly-face is blushing, the red on her cheeks could be booze, embarrassment or anticipation. Ugly-face and suck-my-cock are standing next to each other.

“I don’t like diamonds… I prefer platinum. Looks classier.”
“I wouldn’t give anything.” Sip.
“Pardon me?”
“Erm, what he means is that no man looks happy giving that many diamonds… think like a man you know, that’s what my friend means.”
“No. I mean, if I gave as many diamonds, I would fucking fuck her whole family in exchange.”
(Bwahahahaha) (Back slap)
The girls leave horrified. No one gets laid.


Anonymous said...

"When have men accepted being in love easily?"
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!! This one was terrific....

Maxine said...

Always knew you could be funny aswell.But just realised you can be just funny too. ha ha. nice.

Let it smile...let it smile :)

taurius1 said...

That's right... noone gets laid. >_<

taurius1 said...

*passes around a plate of cookies*
Merry Christmas! :)

Pirate of the Arabian said...

considering it was ugly face and more like her,.. who would want to?? :)

Cikgu Shida said...

Nice Post :)