The Good Girls and Jerk-ing Off!

It was an interesting meeting, last evening. An old friend and me were sitting and chatting over coffee and assorted cookies (she had two, me guiltily gorged on at least 8) in her new office. My friend – let’s call her Usually Calm Friend – is bright, smart, beautiful and with a sense of humour that makes her fucking hot; if were she a man, she’d be mine. And yes, she’s mostly seen dealing with situations calmly. Except of course when it comes to men.

Now Usually Calm Friend has recently purged herself of Ex-Memorabilia. For those who don’t get it, Ex-Memorabilia are things – letters, moments, reminders of special dates on your phone calendar, gifts – that were once given to you (lovingly even!) and now ONLY serve to remind you of times that were good, of a man that was a good till he turned into his real self. A man’s real self is the one that no other woman but his mother will love. (Such men should also only stay with their mothers)

So Usually Calm Friend serially went on a purge-drive where she tore letters, cut out pictures, flushed an expensive perfume, donated another expensive jacket and so on and so forth. After narrating the trail of destruction she’d been on and which – “was so greatly soothing” – she said, “I feel so stupid for wasting so much time and emotions on him. And ALL because he came across as intelligent. WHY do I fall for the same type each time?”

(And why do good girls like jerks? thought the Romantic while the Cynic had a good laugh and has a black eye now)

The two of us went on to discuss the qualities/traits that make us notice a man or talk to him at a party or take things further. Both of us agreed – after going through a list of “our kind” of women we knew, which would be pretty, pretty smart, independent, etc – and realized that most of us (read women) notice a guy because he SPEAKS well… Yes, even if a guy has dreadlocks reaching his knees and red-eyes (would normally be avoided), but if he can talk well, well that’s a girl hooked. A little word play here, some smart comeback there, another well-timed one-liner, someone who can take some fun and give it back… verbally.

(And no, if you see a woman dressed in red and black, asking her, "Are you a vampire?" is a very bad idea and a very bad line!)

And you see, most bad boys – call them jerks, call them Players, call them Don Juans – the kind that GET a girl are the same type, they do the how-to-hook-a-girl right. (Of course when it comes to keeping a girl, they either lose the rule book or are bad learners) The guys know how to spin words (and webs). They know how to present the package, they know how to throw the bait and more than anything else, they are CONFIDENT that they will get the girl.

Point being: Give yourself and your other women friends a break: NO ONE falls for a jerk knowing that it’s a jerk. No guy wears a placard/tag that reads, “I am hideous, come date me.” When a (smart) woman falls for a jerk, she usually falls for the (superficial) good qualities she sees in him. It’s just a matter of time for those qualities to vanish and the hideous Mr Hyde to surface… If you have dated a jerk and are now suffering, PLEASE don’t make the yuckiness (the nausea you feel thinking of exactly HOW stupid you were and why didn’t you see it coming) worse by blaming yourself for FALLING for the guy. He showed you things you liked, you fell for the bloke. Period. Now you are out of it – forced or per choice – get on with it, purge him out of your system and get your perspective back. ALSO know that there are no guarantees that you will NOT fall for yet another jerk.

Next time you meet a man, you have to take your chances because chances are all we have. It either works or it doesn’t. There really is no mid way and no way of finding out beforehand

Hmm. Except for these two little tests on how-to-spot-a-jerk that OFTEN work:
1. Check how he talks to his mother: If he is being nasty to her, baby there’s no way the bastard will be good to you. But chances are you might not meet his mother (It's an A-grade jackass who has his family in on the game as well, the mothers always support)
2. Is it your bill or his?: Yes this is the age of liberalization and moneyed women and guys and girls split the bill and all that. BUT. A real man (usually) likes to nourish, cherish and look after what is his (includes you), which usually translates into him NOT asking you to foot the bill. It doesn’t make sense that he is taking you out for a movie (or wherever) and you are paying. It’s understandable when one partner foots the bill because the other is broke or out a job or whatever; that’s cooperation and understanding (and you pitch in once you have as it as well girlie). However, if the guy CAN pay the bill but does not even mention taking it up and somehow you ALWAYS end up paying… dudette, you are just a cash cow for him. (Same rule applies for men who become walking banks for certain women, get out of it lad)

For the boys, here's one test: If she spends the night with you, or subsequent nights and you give her the royal treatment hoping for a lay and she gets all cosy with you BUT insists on talks and hugs, she be jerking you around dude. THIS is what a male pal of mine who has recently declared he hates cockteasers says, "I hate those women, especially the pieces of shit who get all closey-closey and say "All I want to do is talk and hug". Fuck them in the ear." Ah well, I'd say turn her out of the house that very instant... but call a cab for her (you are a gentleman and yet you show that you have balls). On that note will go check how he's doing today...

PS: This is something I had written in August: A post about what makes a man stand out. Some of you guys reading Eve* should perhaps go through it as well!

Wind me up, turn me on (read full text)
Nothing, I tell you, is more turning on than a sharp mind. OH! No lines and no charm works better than someone who has presence of mind, quick wit and the nonchalance to pull it off. And the few people I have in my life – the new and the old – are fucking so bright that it is thrilling. And I want to hold on to them and not let them go and therefore I become a pile-on (me thinks) or what we here, in the northern parts of the country, call being a ‘chep’. (Literally means someone who ‘sticks’)