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December 4, 2007

Boob bakwas and crotch my heart and hope to die!

I think boobs are to women what the crotch is to men: An obsession, a full-time occupation and even the reason that can get you killed. And yet, the way men and women behave wrt boobs and penises, is rather different.

Many a times I have noticed women walking down the road, their head bent down, ostensibly looking at the ground. The reason many give is that since men (the road-Romeo variety, can also been seen at swanky pubs flashing swanky brands) are always letching at women, the best way to avoid eye-contact with sleaze balls is to stare at the ground while walking.

HOWEVER, a large number of women also look at the ground while walking because they are not looking at the ground at all! They are in fact checking out their own boobs. Is it jiggling too much? Does it have the right ‘hop’ as I walk? Is the center of my ‘vee neck’ shirt right at the center of my boobs…or has it shifted to the right? Is it obvious that my right boob is bigger than my left one? Oh shit, it’s cold, are my nipples erect?!

And of course if a woman is flashing a load of cleavage – strictly for the women who flash their cleavage to be noticed as against those chicks who flash theirs “because I believe in myself and my individuality and my feminism and I have excellent cup size” – she is mighty bothered when no one looks at her. So down goes the head to check if the right amount of cleavage is being flashed. Point being: Women are as conscious about their breasts as men are about their penises, but only the women are not as open about it.

Like while you will see a man gladly and fondly scratching his crotch in public; sometimes they even give it a complete-palm-squeeze, women unfortunately are never seen fondling their breasts. While a guy will feel absolutely comfortable adjusting his Package, a woman will suffer a wedgy with a tight smile but will NOT pull it out (in public). Even today I have chicks come up to me with a ‘my god you are naked’ look when ALL that’s showing is a bra strap.

Sigh! I wish could fondle myself as fondly as the guys do… AND then this morning, I was nearly run over by a truck BECAUSE my autorickshaw driver insisted on driving with one hand. His other rested firmly next to his crotch. On that note… read this one from early January 2007…

Eve* saying crotch my heart and hope to die