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November 13, 2007

You bloody nymphomaniac, you!

This blog is great. (Blush) That was not meant in any self-congratulatory way except to say that at times it amazes me to see how things have changed over the one year of writing here. Was re-reading what I had written around this time of the year in 2006…

At the outset let me clear that what you will read is NOT an invitation for random people/men to message me thinking they could be the answer to the points/questions raised. In simple terms, please do not poke/message with the intention that you could match my passion. This post is not an application; and anyway, the position is taken. The passion has met its match. Hah.

Sex is a funny thing, especially when I think of it in the Indian scenario or particularly the woman-asking-for-sex scenario. Don’t get this post wrong; there are men who are great in bed and men who are not and think they are… This post is about the latter and of course it’s not flattering at all. Those of you with a weak heart or a weak libido, please do not read further.

First up for the women: Please remember that it’s perfectly NORMAL for a girl to want sex, even as much as a guy.

If some random research says that men think of sex every 7 minutes; I bet my arse women think of it as much. And if there is NO research on those figures, it’s perhaps because it would make the men nervous. So if ANY man tells you that it’s abnormal for you (a woman) to want sex as much or ask for it, get rid of him. IF your man calls you a sex maniac or a nymphomaniac BECAUSE you have asked him for sex after a week of no touching; dump him. If you want it every night and your man cannot keep up, there’s nothing wrong with you, you guys are just sexually mismatched. Find another who can!

(Please note: IF your guy has spent 18 hours doing back breaking work or has had a really nasty day with his boss, PLEASE don’t expect him to be Don Juan in bed… it’s normal for a human to be tired! Give him a shoulder rub, let him sleep and self-help!)

For the record, NYMPHOMANIA is when a woman has uncontrollable sexual urges and will sleep with any man to assuage the need.

If you are asking YOUR man for sex or more sex (as be the case), it is NOT being a nymphomaniac. It just means your guy cannot keep up and is trying to make you feel bad by calling you names. Call him a fag in return and walk out (and find a guy who’d rock your insides!)

Much as you – read, the men – would hate me for writing this, most men CANNOT handle a woman with a high libido… or even one with any libido. Confident men are a different ball game; but then, there are more men out there who are scared little boys masquerading as men-in-control and not necessarily alphas.

A woman who is confident and demanding in bed is more likely to wilt an underconfident guy’s willy than engorge it. When I say demanding, I don’t mean someone who asks to be whipped every time you kiss her. By demanding I mean a woman being able to ask for what, how, how many times or how often or when and on what surface she likes it. Most weak men will freak out if they meet such a girl: First they will freak out thanking their luck that they met a woman who likes sex; then they would freak out because they would find it hard to keep up. Or if they can keep up at all, they’d be busy wondering who else the girl has slept with to be “as demanding”.

In the Indian-men-scenario, things get even weirder. If you sleep with an Indian man on the first date (or second, or third or usually at all!), the dude will immediately slot you as fuckable-but-not-marriageable list. Indian men, I say, are good for one-night stands, strictly when they (and you are) drunk though for that’s the only way an India male will be able to hold out for longer. Premature ejaculation is usually congenital in Indian men.

The moment you get into a relationship with an under-confident-masquerading-as-God's-gift-to-womankind guy and think he can satiate you; it’s trouble. As long as such a does not have the responsibility of having to please the woman time and again, he will be the most perfect man; tell him he has to keep up with it and suddenly you have an ill-mannered three-year-old in the body of a 30-year-old. While most men are known to look elsewhere once they ‘get’ a girl – apparently the thrill of the chase is over and Apparently No. 2, ‘variety’ is the spice of life for men – the underconfident men particularly suck in the keeping-up-with-the-passion department.

My mother told me the other day, “You remember, if you give a man everything he wants, he will look elsewhere for more.” And I say that’s bloody confusing. HOW are you supposed to like/love a guy and hold back? And why should you?

I have realized that unless you really are a case of uncontrollable sexual urges – which is a medical thing – it is perfectly normal and natural to want a lot of sex. Some of us are more physical than the others. The trouble starts when you end up with someone who does not match your sexual frequency. Again, somewhere I have realized that no matter how great the sex and the passion; how much sex you have does come down somewhat with life and bills and boss in day-to-day life. Having said that, PLEASE do not hear crap like, “Oh you are an abnormal woman because you want so much sex.”

Do not let anyone make you feel bad about yourself because you like sex. When you DO meet someone who matches your passion and your need (and your rhythm), it will not matter how many times you have sex or who initiates it or who is on top. It will be good and you both will automatically know when it’s time for a quickie and when it’s time for a slow-mo session. AND, no one will call you names.

Please remember that the easiest thing for men to do when threatened by a woman is to undermine that woman’s confidence by saying nasty things: Whether it is comparing you to an ex-girlfriend, saying how your opinions suck or calling you a nymphomaniac. Such a man does not deserve your affection or your body. Find someone who matches you and scream on…

(Thanks god for damn good sex and) Going into flashback mode; this is what was going through my mind in November 2006… and am glad things have turned for the better for me, even though it took a year. Better? Burning bloody hot I say! Heh heh.

Flashback: I am Eve*, passionately afraid (written: November 9, 2006)
If I were to ask you, what's the single, scariest thing about yourself...what would it be? I am scared of my passion. There are no midways, no tempering with me. I have tried. I can only succeed with moderate behaviour for a while, I am passionate about everything I do. If I am not, I wont do it. Can't. It’s a physical impossibility to make myself do something I don't feel passionately about or that which am passionately against. I suffer because of it. Greatly. Stands I take, moves I make, things I do, the way I do them... Many say "if only moderation" was exercised. I don't know that way. But.... I am shying away from the Real Intent of This Post. I think I am abnormal. In bed. No, I don't mean kinky sex or BDSM or anything like that. I mean sheer energy. Please don't laugh. I am scared of sex or starting to be... because I am afraid I will be disappointed…

Read full text: I am Eve*, passionately afraid

10 comments:

Maxine said...

lol just when i was hugging my pillow today and thinking....will i ever know whats it like to be with a real man who simply loves me! damn!

Anyway...just cuz the bet was on ur arse, i agree :).The difference could be,women think more of the fact that men think of sex all the time and why the hell isn't she meeting those thinking,passionate kind.

I remember my first and only orgasm and telling the dude with a stupid grin, wow that was ORGASM!His face told me that he was embarrassed with my comment and did not touch me for a month.

Celibacy sucks.

Casting a spell on self:
A year from today may i meet my passion too :p

nitin said...

Hey Jbo,

I really need to figure out whether you write all this is jest or is it for real. Also, is your blog meant for both the sexes? I like the majority of your work, but this is one piece that makes me think - what kind of men do you deal with? :)

Also, if the aim of this piece is to foster deeper sexual understanding between couples then it really doesn't serve that purpose. 'If he calls you a nympho, call him a fag and walk off' that doesnt seem like the best agony aunt advice out there. It may be a case where sexual frequency has to be fine tuned from both sides to come to meeting point, which is only possible through effective communication, understanding and diplomacy. Being reactionary a la US military style only results in destruction. Also, are all relationships balanced on the pivot of sex? Just because your partner can't keep up with your sexual drive cannot be the only reason to dump his ass and move on - now thats nympho! :)

don't beat me!

peace

Eve* said...

dear nitin,
there are MANY kinds of men out there and just because there could be those who are angels does not mean that the wart-hogs don't exist. Also, you seem to have to missed out on a certain crucial aspect: the blog does mention that this post IS for the men WHO indulge in a certain kind of underhanded dealing with the women in their lives and NOT necessarily are the men who will either accept there is something lacking or are willing to talk about it.

Please let me point out that in ANY given association, name-calling exists ONLY when communication breaks down. IF people are talking and sorting out issues or frequencies; the guy would not be calling the chick a nympho and neither would she be calling him a fag.

Again, this is a post, NOT a book to include all facets of a relationship...this one STRICTLY talks about sexual frequencies and the fact that a whole lot of women who like their sex are labelled nymphos by men who really dont understand the written word OR sexual frequencies.

And YES, if a guy cannot match up AND indulges in name-calling, i reiterate that the only solution is to NOT suffer the insults and move on. The more militantly done, the better.

And no, thats NOT a nympho; that's a free-speaking woman... Of course the guy reacting to half the words and willingly NOT reading the rest is EXACTLY the kind of guy who will turn around and call women nymphos.

Dont beat me either and do read the post in toto. FYI, the post is written AFTER consultation with women who have suffered the same kind of insults from idiots who are neither good in bed nor do they have the sense to talk it out. Effective communication yadayada is all very good in books; reality my friend, is somewhat different.

Those who think they are the exalted variety of male-species are most welcome to balk.

eve* said...

"Do not let anyone make you feel bad about yourself because you like sex. When you DO meet someone who matches your passion and your need (and your rhythm), it will not matter how many times you have sex or who initiates it or who is on top. It will be good and you both will automatically know when it’s time for a quickie and when it’s time for a slow-mo session. AND, no one will call you names.

Please remember that the easiest thing for men to do when threatened by a woman is to undermine that woman’s confidence by saying nasty things: Whether it is comparing you to an ex-girlfriend, saying how your opinions suck or calling you a nymphomaniac..."

Smiles sweetly. Ah-men. Ha ha. They walk into it, each time.

eve* said...

"Do not let anyone make you feel bad about yourself because you like sex. When you DO meet someone who matches your passion and your need (and your rhythm), it will not matter how many times you have sex or who initiates it or who is on top. It will be good and you both will automatically know when it’s time for a quickie and when it’s time for a slow-mo session. AND, no one will call you names.

Please remember that the easiest thing for men to do when threatened by a woman is to undermine that woman’s confidence by saying nasty things: Whether it is comparing you to an ex-girlfriend, saying how your opinions suck or calling you a nymphomaniac..."

Smiles sweetly. Ah-men. Ha ha. They walk into it, each time.

nitin said...

I did read the post in total, and i still feel that you're writing is very one sided, or if its trying to be specific it gets to general.

erm i think i must have called a woman a bitch, or a nympho - in bed :) having great sex (she loved it)... hehe

Name calling shname calling, to match a childish reaction with a childish response is what happens in the playground, and always results in tears.

Also, effective communication does exist in real life - in the corporate world (where men and women work together) and also in numerous relationships i've come accross. Downplaying it with a yaddayadda and saying it doesn't exist in real life is a very narrow view - of life.

at the same time - im not saying all men are flippin sex gods and are fantastic communicators, but then again neither are all women.

So lets reverse roles, what if a guy wants to fuck all the time and the woman can't cope up? OOOOh men, those sex hungry dinosaurs!

your thoughts

eve* said...

Exactly the same reaction!
You try and talk first and if communication does not work, you find a way to help yourself.
And it's a yes to effective communication; however, how hard is it to understand the breakdown of effective communication?
What's the point in screamin hoarse that communication does exist when this particular post specifically talks of cases where the communication does not happen?

The post clearly mentions that some of us have more of a drive than others and speaks of those who don't have a matching drive and instead of understanding that and finding a solution, indulge in insults etc.

If you and I are communicating and sorting out issues, damn bloody good I say. For those who have tried the communication and are not getting the desired results, whether man or woman; I'd say move on and get in elsewhere!

Shady said...

JB :)

You got us by the balls and it hurts ROFLOL .

Sexual Compatibility sex before one goes steady/lives in or gets married wat say ?

catmiester said...

was trying to call u... ure phone is never ever reachable

Will you freaking call me, woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. I might be dying u know?!

sid's place said...

well i m really not into blogging but read ur latest blog , it impressed me quite a lot n i thoroughly enjoyed reading it , u say each n every thing clearly. there's truth in ur blogs. Hope to see some more good ones.