There's the bitch; and then, there's the Ace Bitch.

Hello!

(Big grin, hair all over the place, eyes squinting with remnant of sleep, little red, hot pants with ‘surf chic’ written on the bum and the warning that the bloody things can get transparent when wet, haha, skimpy white top, no bra, loads of goose bumps and more… hahaha…yes yes….GOODmorning people)

Up at 6.20am Eight hours of sleep! Positively cold breeze. Temple bells. Lazily rising sun. Goose bumps Thighs. Arms. Areoli. (evil grin) Conscience? Dead! Guilt. None. Outlook. Positive. Trouble. Others. Monday. Edit. Ugh. Molu marriage. Missed. Sigh. Another marriage. Ha ha. Phone. Miss you moto!

I have woken up happy, or let’s say, not sad. It usually means either thing: Something nasty will unfold today or.. something not so nice will happen. Well, various horoscopes announce I should take things positively. Yes, yes, I am very positive. Just that the kind of positive am being, am very honestly worried about the others around me. This is the kind of positive feeling I wake up with when I am about to… well, say finalise on a kill. Or when I know a hunt will go well. What hunt, you ask? Ah. Well. :)

The last week or so has been an amazingly perceptions’ clearing kind of time. I saw the TRUE face of Man. And no matter how many cry out that one should not generalize. Fuck you babies. ALL men are the same. Like one of my ex-e’s mom had told me in 2001, “Horses and men will graze.” (Was told that after I had discovered some rather hot emails being sent to and fro between him and his much married chick best-friend who had pinched my cheeks the evening earlier and had called me “little sister” and all.)

You could be the most beautiful woman in the world. You could suck your man off twice in a day – goodmorning sucky and the goodnight sucky. You could even be ready to suck him during soccer matches. Or offer your arse each time he is not feeling like sex. Be the best cook in the world. Look after the bastard. Oops. Look after the darling. Be good to his parents and his friends. Be his arm candy when he takes you to meet friends and at his office parties. Understand his need to have gorgeous women friends. And yet, darling. Your man will never be yours. Ever.

He could fuck someone else who has the Perfect Cover Girl body. Why? Because hell, he has never fucked anyone who looks remotely like a cover girl. He could fuck someone with perfect biscuits for an abdomen. Why? Because hell, how many women can manage biscuits ya? He will simply fuck around because he can and because what you don’t know cannot hurt you. And he will insist that that is how evolution meant a MAN to be.

Are ALL men like this? Not really. But that’s because either they cannot get another woman to screw them or cannot manage the time to manage too many women. But like Jeffrey Archer said in The Firm, “Give any man assurance that his wife/partner wont find out and he will cheat.”
I don’t want such a man or such men. IF I am to open to my partner cheating around, pray tell me, WHY should I waste my time – except for screwing him, IF he is a good screw that is – on more things on him? I have much, much more to offer and refuse to settle for anything lesser.
I woke up happy this morning because I realized that I CAN lose my conscience. I can be a bitch. As someone recently called me – no, not anonymously, heh – that I am a “nasty piece of work.” Why, thank-you. I am just starting. Oh, I am just starting.

I have followed the Pattern of Self-Destructive relationships to the last alphabet. Been trying to love and all. But dudes and dudettes…it’s gonna change now. Got to change. It will too. Enough now na. I know what I want and what I don’t want. Till I don’t get what I want, let the others watch out for me. No shame. No guilt. No conscience. And I really don’t care WHO gets hurt now. I have been watching out for myself, it’s high time others handled their own shit too. So dear world, here comes Me.

PS: there are more thoughts on the subject; this post was written in extreme haste. But I need more time to pen/type those down. Will come through. In time. I have loads of time, in my head.