The Cynic and The Romantic

ROMANTIC: What would you do if your soul mate stood before you?
CYNIC: You believe in soul mates?
ROMANTIC: yes!
CYNIC: let me rephrase… you still believe in soul mates?
ROMANTIC: yes!
CYNIC: you are stupid.
ROMANTIC: I am not stupid.
CYNIC: (lights cigarette) No?
ROMANTIC: (smiles) So… what would you do if your soul mate stood before you?
CYNIC: There is a basic problem with that question. You see I don’t believe in…
ROMANTIC: No, no, just believe that you do believe in love and romance and someone, somewhere actually loving you and WANTING you… and in soul mates. So what would you..
CYNIC: yeah, yeah, got the question. Let me think.
ROMANTIC: (smiles)
CYNIC: Why are you smiling so much?
ROMANTIC: I have never seen you this confused or scared to answer. You usually have rather quick answers and strong opinions on most things.
CYNIC: is that a bad thing?
ROMANTIC: No, not at all. But right now, we are discussing what would you…
CYNIC: Argh. I GOT the question. Shut up. I would say hello.
ROMANTIC: WHAT? You meet your soul mate and all you would say is Hello?
CYNIC: Shrug. Yeah. Won’t you greet him? It’s polite. What would YOU do?
ROMANTIC: Why, I would run to him, hold his dear, dear face in my hands and kiss his brow. Then I would hold him close to me and…
CYNIC: What if he pushes you away?
ROMANTIC: What? No, no, he will not do that.
CYNIC: how do you know? Maybe in your enthusiasm to hug him etc, you step on his toe?
ROMANTIC: Oho stupid, he will not push me away because he is soul mate.
CYNIC: What if he does not know it? Or even better, does not want to know it? Denies that he is soul mate. Then?
ROMANTIC: (frowns) But why would he not want to know? Or deny?
CYNIC: Because he is bored.
ROMANTIC: how do you know?
CYNIC: I don’t. I am the Cynic, remember? It’s my job to think like that.
ROMANTIC: No, no. He will want me as much as I want him.
CYNIC: He could WANT you; but there’s a difference between wanting and agreeing to be soul mate.
ROMANTIC: Erm, you don’t agree to BE soul mate baba. You are. And even so, why would be not agree to be soul mate? What a weird concept!
CYNIC: (Bored) Oi, idiot. Being soul mate etc is hell of a responsibility. Or perhaps he is bored waiting. Or tired. Or sick of the whole concept thing. Maybe you are late. Maybe your timing is off.
ROMANTIC: There is no timing in love… You just love…
CYNIC: Phui. Timing is everything babe. There is a lot that happens in a person’s life BEFORE meeting prospective soul mates. For instance, he could have thought of someone else as soul mate and therefore has no mind space or heart space or simply no space for another… Considered that my love? What if he thinks you are not soul mate?
ROMANTIC: But if I feel… how can he not? That cannot happen. He must know. (little flutter of panic)
CYNIC: It’s not always about you. Are you panicking?
ROMANTIC: No. Not too much. And stop manipulating this conversation. You said we would both get a chance to speak out here…
CYNIC: (hates it but) Ok, fair enough. However, you HAVE to consider the possibility that your soul mate might not agree to being your soul mate. And anyway, HOW are you so sure you would know when you would meet him?
ROMANTIC: Because…
CYNIC: Yeah?
ROMANTIC: Because…
CYNIC: Am listening…
ROMANTIC: SHUTUP and let me complete. Because I would know it's Him.
CYNIC: Wow. Why? Will he come with a placard? What if he is in disguise? Or does not look the part?
ROMANTIC: what do you mean "not look the part"? There is no "looking the part."
CYNIC: Impressed, I am. So you don't have a set This Is How He Looks for your soul mate? Nice. There is some sense left in you...
ROMANTIC: Shutup, you are obnoxious. I would know he is soul mate because it would feel right. It would be different. Not the same. It would not hurt. And I wont be able to control it; neither would you…
CYNIC: Control Him you mean?
ROMANTIC: No, no. I would not want to control him… You don’t try to control when you meet your soul mate. You let him be. YOU know it too. That would be a major sign. Letting go of the control.
CYNIC: Speak for yourself sweety, I cannot let go of control, no ma’am.
ROMANTIC: Perhaps not you. But me, I would let him be. Whatever or however he is. Because, you see, he would let me be.
CYNIC: Wah, haha, utopia! Even if that means him NOT thinking of you as soul mate?
ROMANTIC: Oh. No, no. He cannot think like that. Will he? Why would he? We will laugh together, we will feel safe together, I will never, ever hurt him, he will know that, I won’t let anything hurt him, he will never hurt me, we will try our best, I will love him more than I can love myself…
CYNIC: He is not interested. As in, he won’t be…
ROMANTIC: HOW are you so sure? And why are you saying nasty things?
CYNIC: Simply because you are basing your Soul Mate Version 2.1 on weak premises. You are assuming he wants all the things you want. You don’t know that. Again, as I said, timing is everything. You could be all sunny and lovely and wanting to love; and he might not want it. Then?
ROMANTIC: No, no…
CYNIC: Stop that juvenile “No, no”. Just because YOU have decided that Said So-and-so is soul mate does not mean the other has to agree to it.
ROMANTIC: (small voice) I did not decide. It happens. Out of the blue. And you can sense the difference. You behave differently. You WANT to try.
CYNIC: And if he does not want to try at all?
ROMANTIC: But WHY would he not want to try?
CYNIC: BECAUSE he does not WANT to be soul mate, dude. Maybe he does not want you. Maybe it’s not even about you. Can’t you see that?
ROMANTIC: You are trying to hurt me…
CYNIC: You are trying to be intentionally daft.
ROMANTIC: I am not daft.
CYNIC: Yeah, sorry. You are a hopeless romantic. Ha ha.
ROMANTIC: What’s funny about it?
CYNIC: Nothing. Shrug. Just that ‘romantic’ always comes with a ‘hopeless’. (ha ha) No one says ‘hopeless cynic’.
ROMANTIC: Cynics have no hope.
CYNIC: Because cynics are not daft.
ROMANTIC: I am not daft.
CYNIC: Yeah. You are Hopeless.
ROMANTIC: You are Faithless, and loveless and hopeless. (with finality)
CYNIC: Nope. I am just heartless.
ROMANTIC: this conversation is not going anywhere.
CYNIC: I knew it from the beginning.

(Romantic then chucks a shoe at Cynic, which Cynic expertly dodges. Then Cynic picks the shoe and throws it back at Romantic, playfully. The shoe hits the Romantic right between the eyes. She dies).

CYNIC: Shit. Hope died under my shoe.