Random Wishlist...

... because I don't feel like writing anything "meaningful". But then, what means something and what does not are completely subjective things.

1. Body massage: where I am buck naked and not bothered about what is showing and what is not and where I can groan with absolute abandon when my body is pulverized. Yes. It needs to be pulverized.

2. New specs: was discussing how blind I am with another friend and realized that I am bloody blind. (It was the combination of spinach and sulphuric acid I got in my eyes during a badly planned experiment in Chemistry class in school) Not nice when you are small and need to letch at men from above many heads and amongst many waists. You end up looking at wrong things and then trying to ward off unwanted, bad-looking attention all evening.

3. New chappals: Black, white and red, that should handle all events etc for me, since darling Golu and Loona have systematically gone through ALL my to-wear-outside footwear. The only two left are two pairs of boots; one being calf-length with rhinestones that need to be removed. I have just come back from a VERY official assignment – politicians and all – where I wore my bathroom slippers. Yes, I wear them to work as well. (Grin, my dad would disown me. From not being allowed to step out of the house without shoes WITH socks, his daughter has come to bathroom slippers. Hah) (Hmm, perhaps another set of spaghetti straps in some more colours and perhaps a couple of shirts. And little, skimpy panties, I just love them. Hmm. At times it's embarrassing, the fact that I don't shop.)

4. An open jeep: Much as everyone tells me that a car is the safest; I would much rather go for an all-terrain, open jeep that is fucking sturdy (since a bike would invite far more attention). I wouldn’t mind retractable blades that come out from the wheel-disc or something. And maybe an oil-slick device to de-road vehicles that are tailing me. Yeah! Why would vehicles tail me? Shrug. Just because they have not so far does not mean they wouldn’t in the future! Also, given Delhi’s road rage, I don’t want to take a chance.

5. Punching bag or speed ball: The violence in me, oh the violence in me! ;) Since I don’t have too many physical outlets for all my energy – and typing really does not count as ‘exertion’ in my books – I NEED something. And once I can train my punches, it will also motivate me to practice in real AND stand me in good stead as and when I do get into trouble (which is often).

6. A belt with hidden spikes that I can open quickly. Also, to learn to swing it around in style and hit out with it. (I did mention a serrated knife in an earlier post, didn’t I?)

(Hmm…too many devices of violence)

7. A cat: I miss having a kitty-cat around! (But should ask Golu & Loona what they think of the idea) Cats are so sexy it’s not funny; even when they lie on their backs with all four paws in the air. Cats just do not look ungracious. My walk was different when I lived with cats. I sort of imbibed their body language. And you can well imagine, raising one leg and scratching your sides like dogs is NOT graceful. Also, I love Golu and Loona, but sometimes… they are just SO loving, even when I am in a nasty mood that out of GUILT I have to be sweet to them. Nothing is more irritating than a wagging tail in a scowling face. You don’t have to do anything like that with a cat. You can be as nasty with them, even throw them around the room. They will either scratch you or land on their feet, no harm done. Doggies give you hurt looks and all. The bloody shits. With kitties it’s pretty simple: Your bad mood is your problem and the moment they sense you are in a bad mood, they pretty much ignore you. Ah, I miss that indifference. ;) (I miss my soul cat so much…)

8. Personal pleasure possum: Translated, it reads, man, who does exactly what I want him to… in bed. (Elsewhere I would be bored of such a man in two seconds flat) And yeah, it should be someone I can mistreat without feeling any guilt. Like someone whose calls I don’t take, who I keep hanging, who I give weird notions of space and then crib when he doesn’t call me 17 times, of course I will not answer the calls when he does call me 17 times. Someone who brings me flowers and then I distribute those flowers amongst friends. Or gives me chocolates and I throw them away or something saying I don’t like those chocolates. Ah. I just want a man I can be REALLY nasty to. Just for fun. Shrug. Yeah, make him reheat dinner while I call some other man. Compare him to other men and make him feel like a waste of space and generally tell him how he sucks. Then, of course, make him go down on me and THEN roll off to the other side of the bed and go off to sleep. He can jerk off for all I care. Or, get him all turned on and then suddenly say, “Oh wait I got to make a call” and then talk on the phone for two hours… to another man. Maybe have phone sex while he waits. (Sigh, pleasant, pleasant thoughts, abusing a man) And THEN, pass him on to my chick friends to abuse.

9. Push speed limits: Have not done that for a bit… The last I drove a motorcycle was in 2005 and I severely miss it. So I want to get atop a bike, strap on my helmet, wear my jacket and scare some of those pillion-riding jackasses on the road. It pisses me off when men on bikes think they are really cool. I can teach some guys a thing or two. For one, I CAN do a 360 degree turn on a bike and STILL be standing. AND I can do that wearing 7 inch heels. Beat that bastards.

10. Dance on stage with Shakira AND walk away with the attention. Shrug. I know I can do it. And now she has boring straight hair while mine – owing to sheer laziness to go to the parlour and give it any form – is going all over the place. Truth be told, I love my hair when it looks like nothing. Yeah. I REALLY want a night where I can dance to my heart’s content without wondering about social niceties or norms or which-man-is-pissing-me-off. I want my release. Again and again and again.

PS: For some strange, inexplicable reason; I am happy. And a tad worried – my true nature shows through! – that now that I am happy, perhaps something bad is about to happen. But hell. We shall see.