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October 3, 2007

Random Wishlist...

... because I don't feel like writing anything "meaningful". But then, what means something and what does not are completely subjective things.

1. Body massage: where I am buck naked and not bothered about what is showing and what is not and where I can groan with absolute abandon when my body is pulverized. Yes. It needs to be pulverized.

2. New specs: was discussing how blind I am with another friend and realized that I am bloody blind. (It was the combination of spinach and sulphuric acid I got in my eyes during a badly planned experiment in Chemistry class in school) Not nice when you are small and need to letch at men from above many heads and amongst many waists. You end up looking at wrong things and then trying to ward off unwanted, bad-looking attention all evening.

3. New chappals: Black, white and red, that should handle all events etc for me, since darling Golu and Loona have systematically gone through ALL my to-wear-outside footwear. The only two left are two pairs of boots; one being calf-length with rhinestones that need to be removed. I have just come back from a VERY official assignment – politicians and all – where I wore my bathroom slippers. Yes, I wear them to work as well. (Grin, my dad would disown me. From not being allowed to step out of the house without shoes WITH socks, his daughter has come to bathroom slippers. Hah) (Hmm, perhaps another set of spaghetti straps in some more colours and perhaps a couple of shirts. And little, skimpy panties, I just love them. Hmm. At times it's embarrassing, the fact that I don't shop.)

4. An open jeep: Much as everyone tells me that a car is the safest; I would much rather go for an all-terrain, open jeep that is fucking sturdy (since a bike would invite far more attention). I wouldn’t mind retractable blades that come out from the wheel-disc or something. And maybe an oil-slick device to de-road vehicles that are tailing me. Yeah! Why would vehicles tail me? Shrug. Just because they have not so far does not mean they wouldn’t in the future! Also, given Delhi’s road rage, I don’t want to take a chance.

5. Punching bag or speed ball: The violence in me, oh the violence in me! ;) Since I don’t have too many physical outlets for all my energy – and typing really does not count as ‘exertion’ in my books – I NEED something. And once I can train my punches, it will also motivate me to practice in real AND stand me in good stead as and when I do get into trouble (which is often).

6. A belt with hidden spikes that I can open quickly. Also, to learn to swing it around in style and hit out with it. (I did mention a serrated knife in an earlier post, didn’t I?)

(Hmm…too many devices of violence)

7. A cat: I miss having a kitty-cat around! (But should ask Golu & Loona what they think of the idea) Cats are so sexy it’s not funny; even when they lie on their backs with all four paws in the air. Cats just do not look ungracious. My walk was different when I lived with cats. I sort of imbibed their body language. And you can well imagine, raising one leg and scratching your sides like dogs is NOT graceful. Also, I love Golu and Loona, but sometimes… they are just SO loving, even when I am in a nasty mood that out of GUILT I have to be sweet to them. Nothing is more irritating than a wagging tail in a scowling face. You don’t have to do anything like that with a cat. You can be as nasty with them, even throw them around the room. They will either scratch you or land on their feet, no harm done. Doggies give you hurt looks and all. The bloody shits. With kitties it’s pretty simple: Your bad mood is your problem and the moment they sense you are in a bad mood, they pretty much ignore you. Ah, I miss that indifference. ;) (I miss my soul cat so much…)

8. Personal pleasure possum: Translated, it reads, man, who does exactly what I want him to… in bed. (Elsewhere I would be bored of such a man in two seconds flat) And yeah, it should be someone I can mistreat without feeling any guilt. Like someone whose calls I don’t take, who I keep hanging, who I give weird notions of space and then crib when he doesn’t call me 17 times, of course I will not answer the calls when he does call me 17 times. Someone who brings me flowers and then I distribute those flowers amongst friends. Or gives me chocolates and I throw them away or something saying I don’t like those chocolates. Ah. I just want a man I can be REALLY nasty to. Just for fun. Shrug. Yeah, make him reheat dinner while I call some other man. Compare him to other men and make him feel like a waste of space and generally tell him how he sucks. Then, of course, make him go down on me and THEN roll off to the other side of the bed and go off to sleep. He can jerk off for all I care. Or, get him all turned on and then suddenly say, “Oh wait I got to make a call” and then talk on the phone for two hours… to another man. Maybe have phone sex while he waits. (Sigh, pleasant, pleasant thoughts, abusing a man) And THEN, pass him on to my chick friends to abuse.

9. Push speed limits: Have not done that for a bit… The last I drove a motorcycle was in 2005 and I severely miss it. So I want to get atop a bike, strap on my helmet, wear my jacket and scare some of those pillion-riding jackasses on the road. It pisses me off when men on bikes think they are really cool. I can teach some guys a thing or two. For one, I CAN do a 360 degree turn on a bike and STILL be standing. AND I can do that wearing 7 inch heels. Beat that bastards.

10. Dance on stage with Shakira AND walk away with the attention. Shrug. I know I can do it. And now she has boring straight hair while mine – owing to sheer laziness to go to the parlour and give it any form – is going all over the place. Truth be told, I love my hair when it looks like nothing. Yeah. I REALLY want a night where I can dance to my heart’s content without wondering about social niceties or norms or which-man-is-pissing-me-off. I want my release. Again and again and again.

PS: For some strange, inexplicable reason; I am happy. And a tad worried – my true nature shows through! – that now that I am happy, perhaps something bad is about to happen. But hell. We shall see.


Anonymous said...

@ a punching bag or a speed ball !!

You should join for Aikido classes,Believe me, you will enjoy it & probably go on & become a black belt in a few years !! There is a very nice Dojo, with an excellent teacher at Andrews ganj

Anonymous said...

On the lines of " Women need men as much as a fish needs a bicycle " , your blog is as honest as the stinking lying journos who were recently sentenced to prison . I dont know anyone else with more dementia and myopic tunnel-vision than you . For you , all human life depends on the happiness of one , and only one human being , that is Ms. Jhoomur Bose . Anyway , in a way I'm happy , because I KNOW that you are terribly unhappy in life , and its only gonna be an even more downhill ride from here . You are of course free to indulge in even more ambitious leaps into the impossible (abusing men , Ha Ha !!!) , but please , dont waste so much server space telling the whole fucking world about it . The only thing you will ever get to abuse is the internet ! The only reason people visit this blog is because when we have some bad heat in our lives we occasionally need to see someone who is permanently FUCKED , for life and eternity . We need to console ourselves , " Hey , at least my problem is a trifle compared to those of Ms. Bose , who by her very nature is a social anomaly . At least I have friends , a bright future , a great woman whom I love , and a wider perspective on life . And I sure as hell aint gonna be alone in life !" It does wonders at reinforcing our self-esteem . And yes , it IS indeed entertaining too , in an unintentional sort of way . So thanks for that , if nothing else , thanks for livening up the more tiresome moments in our lives . And I mean that . For the rest , though , for the continuously profane and jeering commentary , we wish you an eternity of rape , blowjobs , triple-p's , and the like . You've really asked for it . I'm no misogynist , and I know it , but there is indeed such a trait in you called "provocation" , the one thing you will never fail at in your life . Stop the bloody fucking nonsense out here , you dirty little whore , go fuck yourself if you cant accept the consequences of your own miserable past actions ! You're like a fish out of the water that's writhing and thrashing helplessly about and thinking that its doing so because its free and happy . Wanna reply ? Or will you delete this or what ? I dare you , you little cocksucker.......

eve said...

@ Anonymous 2

"dare" me? Anonymously? Keep at it. Your IP is glaring at me here, so in time, will come to you. Welcome.

Maxine said...

It takes a lot to pen down with so much innocence... honesty.Please do that shoe shopping,and leave your dogs home.But...then the pulverized body massage should come last in the list.

@ anonymous 2

I'm so glad that you have friends , a bright future , a great woman whom you love(hopefully she loves you too??Are you sure?Really?haha)and a wider perspective on life.LIFE?
Shit.But you still sound very sad and disturbed.Keep reading.I want to see your life getting fucked up with every word written here. :)

Anonymous said...

Eve , darling , the reason I chose "anonymous" is BECAUSE I DONT USE A FRIGGIN GOOGLE ACCOUNT ! Yes , make me a liar in your mind if you dont believe this .

Ah , and Maxine , whatever made you suppose that my post was intended to take up cudgels with you , or with women in general ? Not all women are like the friend whom you are defending so passionately . Yes , I've met a lot of nasty , terrible women in my life (did you imagine you were one-of-a-kind , JB ? Dont fucking kid yourself , Heh Heh !!!), but I've met some really nice women also , women who were human beings first and then women . And I think that is what has saved me from the hopeless cynicism of your friend . Because if one becomes like this , then what is the point of living ? Better do yourself a favour and put yourself out of your misery by throwing yourself off a train or some such like act . And also , I was by no means claiming that my life is perfect (far from it , naturally) . I was merely trying to emphasize how unnervingly cynical this blog can be sometimes . I have praised JB in the past , when she wrote something perceptive or positive , but more often than not her blogging is fly-off-the-handle . And finally today was the last straw....as you can see , I wrote what I wrote in rage , in reactionary mode . Ah , and what is so difficult to believe about my girl loving me ? Well , I have a sense of humour too , I know what you're getting at , and I too can smile , even through all this acrimony . I dont want to sound like I'm bragging again .

And as for you , JB , like I said above , I really think that your problem is that you havent met a single humane man in your life . What , did even daddy fuck you when you were a kid or what ?! How in God's name did you become like this anyway ? Maybe all the men in YOUR life are(were ?!) the way you describe them here , but how does that mean that ALL men per se are so ? Anyway , I have no wish to argue any more with you (I've said as much before) . Keep justifying your lonely existence like this , by silly man-bashing and writing ugly , hedonistic crap . Who the bloody fuck are you anyway , Marie Antoinette ?? And this is absolutely the very last time I'm ever gonna commment here (I'm giving you way too much importance)since you are gonna tell me exactly that anyway : to fuck the hell off if I dont like it.....

Anonymous said...

@ PS: For some strange, inexplicable reason; I am happy. And a tad worried – my true nature shows through! – that now that I am happy, perhaps something bad is about to happen. But hell. We shall see.

1. Where did this crreeep of a guy emerge from, just ignore this spoilt kid.

2. Hope you remained happy & serene.

3. Keep writing, there are other homo sapiens who have lived 9 lives already, and really appreciate the thoughts, worries, confusions & hopes of a single woman living in one of the cruel cities in this world.

Keep going JB, best.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2

The author of the blog never invited you to read her blog, you came on your own.

She is free to write whatever she wants to, & if one does not like what she has written, then don't read & just move on.

You have no business to use the kind of language you have used. You might read a book & not like it, that does not mean you can personally attack the author of the book, the same with a movie direstor, if you did not like the movie, does it mean you will attack the director as you have attacked the author of this blog.

The language you have used is just unacceptable, it is against the spirit of this blog & blogging as a whole. I think you need to apologise for this to all the readers & visitors of this blog.

Btw, you also look extrmely silly to remain anon & say i dare you etc, etc,

you say you have a great woman whom you love etc, why don't you get her to read this blog,it will be good for your wider vision of life.

If you love a woman as you are claiming to be...... how can you wish to see some other woman raped ????

'Guess your wider perspective is too wide for you to comprehend.

Maxine said...

----> the reason I chose "anonymous" is BECAUSE I DONT USE A FRIGGIN GOOGLE ACCOUNT !


Yes i agree with the last commenter. TYPE your name and apologise annonymous2.Whatever said in the previous is way too much.
Well..just shows the true color,eh?

Aditya said...

hey was going throgh a few of your archives as surprisingly you havnt posted anything new and i have been the sorts who never leave comments on posts and everything but this anon guy just way too pissing off to stay silent about

Ok firstly "dude" no matter what eve writes on HER blog there is something called civility and an accepted code of conduct while interacting with another "homo sapien". You dont pee in someone elses lawn jus because you think that their grass is not as green

secondly if you are honestly thinking that your life is all dandy then boy lemme tell you that you wont realise how hard life can hit until it does. Maybe it already has judging by your twisted thought process

I havent ever seen you so i cant say if you are ugly or not but you think ugly, you percieve ugly. Honestly you sound like you still havent gotten out your high school porn addiction

You anon are also an vocab challeged dimwit. 'Gyne' in latin means woman and 'miso'is hate so if you really hoping eve gets raped
you need to know yourself better before getting a wider perspective.

Talking about wider perspectives. This is blog is all about wider perspectives. It takes a lot more to write articulately and with style than to shout your mouth off just because its not how you think.

BTW - "We need to console ourselves , Hey , at least my problem is a trifle compared to those of Ms. Bose we wish you an eternity of rape , blowjobs , triple-p's , and the like" - Who are these 'we' do you have like a band of cunts who read this blog and laugh about it later over drinks.....umm...get a life jerk

If you can get your eyes off the sex bit of the blog for a second you will notice quite a few good links on the right hand side. You are free to go to anyone of them. This here is her blog and for her to decide what to say. Stop reading if its too cynical for you

The only thing you did get right was the provoke bit. Its hard to provoke someone to look past thier own indiffrent and stagnant opinion. JB does that with flair you on the other hand provoke like a cow would if it shat on your car. There is a diffrence understand.

One last thing that offends me much : you dont have a fucking gmail account, shithead its fast, its usable and half the world uses it. Shitbrick aquire one asap. Stop using pigeon post

Anonymous said...

Aditya !!!!!! Hey I showed your comments to a psychiatrist friend of mine , and she says that you're a certfiable repressed homosexual ! More of that later....lets get a few things straight first , though . Now I pride myself on my writing . If I , with my diction and prose style , am a "vocab challeged dimwit" , then on the same scale you must be suffering from Alzheimer's or something of the sort , since you didn’t even carefully read or consider what I said , and your post is strewn with shitty syntax and spelling errors . Do you type with blinkers on , or maybe you learnt English in a distance study program ?!

Next , don’t fucking patronize me by using “ dude “ in the manner that you have . You ask who I mean by “we” . By “we” I mean myself , my brothers and all my guy friends ; we are all sane , healthy and educated adults , not morons , and nowhere except on this blog are such conceited , egotistical and self-important views expressed , by a woman whose blind tunnel-vision and angry , twisted life compel her to spit vile upon decent men . None of us are guilty of chauvinism , eve-teasing or in general CONSCIOUS MALICE against women , unless we be provoked of course . It is Eve who writes glorious diatribes that betray a sort of “female chauvinism” . “We” could also be the several men whose paths have crossed that of this uber-maneater at the wrong time , and who are somehow too scared shitless to do anything about it , even respond anonymously here . Some help , eh guys , now that I’ve taken the lead ? So , Aditya , cease thinking that you know better than I do , or that I’m some silly 18-year-old and you are an adult who is more attuned to the ways of the world . You’re a dyke , remember ?

Hmmm………so I “sound like a guy who hasn’t recovered from his high school porn addiction” . That means YOU have ?? That would imply that you keep your tiny little cheese dick in an ice-cube tray in the goddamn freezer , Heh Heh !!! What's wrong , there are no queers in your city whom you can blow or what ?! Remember , Miss Eve herself once said , “ All men are boys , they never grow up . “ So please stop pretending that you have “evolved” beyond your porn phase , its bloody embarrassing to even say such things , and even Eve (who is on your side) is having a good laugh at you . As for “shouting my mouth off” , what I write is far , far more tame than Miss Eve .

“This blog is all about wider perspectives” , you say . Hmmm….like what ? Letching at men ?? Using language like “madarchod” and “bhosadeekay” (yeah , that’s right ; search the archives) ?!! “ The men I will never shag “ ?? Please……..come now , be a man , and deepen your awareness of people’s motives , or at least those of the author of this blog . In essence its about Eve imagining herself wielding a sledgehammer in cyberspace , a substitute for repeated failures to control or even simply adapt to the “real” world .

“Get past the sex bits of the blog” , you say . DID YOU START READING THIS BLOG TWO DAYS AGO ?! Eve herself wrote once ,”….this is a fucking sex blog .” See how clear she is about one thing at least ? So there wont be much left to read , I’m afraid , if I take your advice .

And finally , why are YOU taking up boxing gloves against me ? Could it be because you’re NOT a closet gay , and are hoping to go down on Eve sometime ? If it IS so , don’t hold your breath , go read this blog more carefully : Miss Eve is currently more frigid than Absolute Zero .

One last thing : first go learn some keyboard skills , learn how to use the English language as it is meant to be , THEN come back here and reply . Have fun , nancy boy !

The face behind the mask said...

@ Anon 2 !!

""And this is absolutely the very last time I'm ever gonna commment here (I'm giving you way too much importance)since you are gonna tell me exactly that anyway : to fuck the hell off if I dont like it.....""

What happened dude after you said you will never come to this space & comment etc, etc,

you still coming for a peek like a dog with its tail inside its legs. Whay don't you just get lost,

Psychiatry tells me you surely has taken a fat dowry ransom, probably you are a wife rapist, probably even into child porn, may be even pepsi drinking, pizza eating, the type who get get drunk & misbehave with one drink, the ype who run to mamma & papa for anything, probably obese, probably even a high caste hindu fundamentalist & so/hence surely you do not know what it is to have an equal relationship with a woman or even anyone.

Just get off the self rightous glass tower you are sitting on. Or just keep sitting, its going to fall anyway & let those glass pieces pearce into the various parts of ur dick which you are strutting around unnecessarily over here.

Its very simple..... you have attacked the author of this blog only because she is a woman who has a mind of her own.

If a man was writing this blog, you wouldn't have even bothered, You surely look like the type who abuse women in your own house, in the work place, violate them in any open places, now you are carrying on the same violation (i.e stalking tendencies) of the hard earned spaces of women in the web.

Now you watch out you bastard, things can come back at you really hard.

Maxine said...

And the anonymous bastard returns!
Nobody wants you here and none wants to read you either.Go start a blog and see how many readers you would manage to get.A reality check, always good.

Some help , eh guys , now that I’ve taken the lead ?
Cracks me down.lol.Had to really type that down to prove to self eh? hah!

Anyway....you sorry ass,i'm glad you have a psychiatrist friend.Keep going there.Good luck.

Reeta Skeeter said...