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March 13, 2007

Quick Fuck, Long and Lasting or Could-Be-Trouble?

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"Do you even want to be with anyone?" she asked me, as we left the cafe after an impromptu coffee call, just to enjoy the mid-March, rain-sun-cloud play. "With all the problems you keep developing or discovering with each new and old man...how will you ever be happy with anyone?"
Well, I wont be and so I don't want a defined association with anyone; no labels of being a girlfriend etc. Perhaps it's a part of growing up, perhap's it's me; but as the years go by, it's getting tiring. The entire exercise of getting to know someone, adjusting things -- your daily time table, the movies you watch, the people you meet, your life and your priorities -- according to someone who promises a vision, for a little while; and then you find yourself, well, by yourself. Loneliness is not about, "Damn, there's no one to go to a party with, or watch movies with, etc" It's more about not knowing who to share your latest professional achievement or heartburn with...the someone who would understand or understand things as much as you.
That someone to turn to or reach out for on nights you wake up suddenly, from an unremembered bad dream. Or on nights when the blanket falls off and you are cold...and instead of pulling up the blanket, you pull yourself closer to the one lying next to you. And despite your body being cold, the other pulls you closer too, letting you share his warmth.
Oh well. Now I am getting better at tucking the blanket properly on all sides so that the damn thing does not fall off and I am never cold. And I also have a nightlight now for whatever it is that disturbs my subconscious but has not revealed itself yet.
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I would have continued in the above strain or train of thoughts had it not been for a phone call.
"You woman! Who was so-and-so last night?"
"A Friend."
"You arrived with him!"
"It was raining and I couldn't walk it to Waters, so asked the gentlemen to pick me up."
"You were flirting with..."
"It was harmless and I went to bed alone."
"Really?"
"My pup, but no human puppy. No one I was interested in, was around that night."
"So who are you interested in?"
And well, thinking about my interests did my spirits some real good. So here goes!
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Amazingly embarrasing I can be, I tell you. But since mostly I embarrass only myself, am not a social hazard (yet). Well... Confession Time! I really dig someone. Actually, SomeoneS! For name' sake, there's Quick Fuck, Long & Lasting and Could-Be-Trouble... and I don't mean in bed, I haven't slept with them. Or at least not two of them (evil grin)
Quick Fuck would be someone I might have a short, short-term, extremely physical association with. I dont see it going beyond that. He is too physical (I can so 'sense' it) and so am I. He has a reputation and so do, erm, I have a reputation to uphold. He has a roving eye and since he is much younger, I'd rather unleash his youth on to the world than leash him! Long & Lasting has the potential to be just that. And not 'lasting' or 'long' in any thinking-of-the-future-together way; but as someone you can have a logical, mutually aceptable and mutually pleasurable association with. And Long & Lasting has proven that over time as well.

Now, Could-Be-Trouble. Hmmm, he is interesting. I haven't felt instant intrigue in a long while... and from the time I set sights on him, warning bells went off in my head and stomach like nobody's business. The first instance of laying my eyes on him and my subconscious went, "Aha!" much before I decided to wear my spectacles and have a closer look. I am short-sighted you see. A couple of times before, I've made a complete jackass of myself by doing the staring-across-the-bar thing with someone and on closer inspection they've turned out not quite what I thought they looked like from afar! Yes, yes, I do appreciate good (looking) things in life, though my understanding of that can be quite cliched or quite only-appealing-to-me. So, if I think I am liking the sight of things, I wear my specs and reconfirm to avoid later disappointment.

I reconfirmed and found an even stronger affirmation of my earlier reaction to him. He is N.I.C.E. And despite the fact that I have been quite wanting to have a good look at his mouth -- quite a smile, killer! -- I refuse to stare at him. In fact the more I wanted to look at him, the more I looked away. He checks me out for sure... I saw from the corner of my eyes. Yes, yes, I said my eyes were not on him, but the corner of my eyes were! :) And I lurve his arms! GRIN.
And... DAMN. Apart from technical reasons that might not let anything happen, am too lazy for doing the chasing. And what if after the chase is over it turns out to be a big yawn? And well, what if he does not like me?! I am modest enough to at least consider that possibility. But BOY, does he do physical things to me; I am aware of his presence when he is in the vicinity. Why He, Could-Be-Trouble is that if i DO get interested beyond just writing about it... Shrug. One of my new year resolutions was to be a good girl. Correction: one of my new resolutions IS to (still) be a good girl. :) But Could-Be-Trouble looks so promising and full of trouble that... I like trouble! Got to do something about it; going to do something about it... write some more that is! (sly grin)
Post Scrap: And the Princess adjusted her breast plate, zipped her leather knee-length boots and let out a howl, her Hunting Howl.

3 comments:

moonstruck maniac said...

VIS A VIS ME:
the quick fuck is an interesting deal provided i find one.
i m out of long and lasting and i dont know if i am glad about it, nor ready for a new one.
now, the could-be-trouble is what i would love to explore.
the whole thing is that this whole rediscovery of sorts or the rerouting of the testosterone a la the high school way is erm well... something i am finding it tough to adjust to. i'm trying..

serendipity said...

for the first half:
hmm the chase does get tiresome after a while...u invest so much into a new relationship just to end up feeling empty and exhausted and wondering was that worth it.

for the second:
quick fuck sounds just like that...a quickie, hope he doesn't turn out to be a fuck though :P
long and lasting
hmm...im still iffy on that front, they sometimes progress into dangerous territiory.
as for the could-be-trouble
ah hon' you already are in trouble :p
all systems go!

clit.chatting said...

@ Serendipity = vroom vroom. ^grin^