I love men, the poor buggers

"God made men and women go totally crazy over each other and yet completely not understand each other. God has a sense of humour. -- Friend

It' funny with puppies, one they are all small and cuddly and I daresay, innocent; and then suddenly it's a little monster that's tearing your clothes, sinking his little pointy teeth into everything and humping everything that's in sight. The first time I caught my pup humping a friend's elbow, I was in shock and denial. My toddler had become a teenager. :(
And then when he tried to hump my leg I was heartbroken - despite his upbringing, my pup was behaving just like a randy man - (try and) ride everything you can lay (your eyes on). And you realise that from gradually-descending balls, the balls are THERE. One day not there, one day there! And the poor pup is confused and running around nuts as the hormones begin to run havoc in his canine system. Who teaches them, tell me, to suddenly stop squatting and peeing on the carpet to raising a leg and peeing on the sofa-legs instead (and the pee fucking trickles into the carpet anyway!) So if you get a chewy when your pup is teething, what do you get when he is well, ball-ing?! Currently, the Li'l Monster sleeps peacefully, balls and all.

Suddenly appearing balls and suddenly attentive men. Two things that are hard to handle and when they happen together, it's a double whammy. No wonder I've been drinking all of last week - and I mean ALL of it. And the more attention I got - frankly, some of them were just curious about who-the-hell-is-she and one of them even said that what I write is not sex, hmmm - the more I realised that men are FUCKING complicated creatures. Or fucking COMPLICATED creatures. Firstly, if you (ladies!) thought that it is only us women who have mood swings...Hah! Men have them all the time and not just the ones who are manic depressive etc, even 'normal' men have mood swings. Like the ones women have: the inexplicable, out of the blue, really blue, what-the-fuck-happened-two-minutes-ago-she-was-fine type of mood swings. At least women can say that they are either PMSing or waiting for it to happen, what about men? Prostrating?

I am SO irritated. Just when I decided to treat men badly, walk all over them, treat them like sex objects (there is a volunteer list, which nearly took the sting out of this operation -- sneers at herself: and if I don't believe that a volunteer list exists, it would do real bad things to my self confidence, no? How's that for fucking honesty?), make them fall in love etc etc... I get to see THIS side of men that has me freaked out. I cannot treat the shites badly. SO MANY men seem to be fucking hurting and hurting fucking so bad that they don't know how to handle it. They don't believe in their mothers, their fathers, there's no friend they would trust enough to leave alone with their girlfriends, or a girl they'd fall head-over-heels in love with, or at first sight...or at all.

If they do their own thing it will perhaps be called gay...in this season or the next one. Ear rings were macho at one point, now you wear two and you're declaring your sexual preference. Or if you wear a diamond, perhaps a bisexual. Even headbands - that most long-haired stoners, bikers and basically anyone who wanted to keep hair off their eyes would wear - are considered wannabe and vain and even fairy -- just because Abhishek Bachchan wears them. Hey, what about Beckham, Ronaldinho, Carlos Moya and Agassi?! They can't even wear pink without wondering if it will look gay (and hey who said pink is gay? Rajasthani men wear bright pink turbans and they are yummy men!), or metrosexual or will declare they dream of virgins.

Men don't need a woman around to challenge their self-esteem etc; they are the MOST cruel to each other... and fuck they accuse us women of being bitchy! At least we don't pretend. Men and wild dogs have an amazing similarity: they are pack animals. You should see two-three men 'bringing down' another. It's always fun and jokes and words and oh, they s-l-o-w-l-y destroy the Chosen Target's self-esteem, pride, ego, whatever's the term men use for such things. Balls, perhaps? So they bait the Target, make him comfortable, you're-one-of-the-gang buddy and keep taking pot shots. Nasty ones that completely ridicule the other guy. And yet, the other guy will pretend it's not happening to him and the men will pretend they are not doing it to him.

And self-esteem issues -- is my dick too small, too big, no biceps, no abs, chest muscles that look like boobs, scrawny legs, no chest hair, too much hair, body odour, lack of interest in sports (you're labelled a nerd and a geek or a fag), too much interest in sports (and again you're closet gay: what's a guy to do?!); living with your mother makes you Oedipus and constantly changing girlfriends might make you Jack the Ripper... is my paunch too much? Then in anger of not feeling comfortable in the natural state of being they go drink more beer in protest. They want to look but they have to pretend they are not looking... and women talk about repressed feelings. It's genetic in them, they will look, but they can't because their girlfriend/wife/partner will have their arse for it.

Sigh. How the hell will I sleep around if I go feeling around? And that's the problem with women – too less fucking, too much fucking feeling – it's genetic too.

Post Scrap: One male friend's response to this Post – before even reading this Post – "So you think you are the first woman on the history of this planet to have unravelled the mystery of man?" Nope. Erm, mystery?