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June 24, 2007

Eve* introduces: Princess Loona (drumroll please)

Princess Loona and the Fight To Keep Her Mouth Shut

Chapter 1: Loona and the Chastity Belt
As it caught the first morning rays, the dew drop settled in Princess Loona's belly button glistened while the wind tickled her bare midriff. She smiled in her sleep and woke up as the tickling intensified… Princess Loona realized that it was not the wind that was tickling, but a mosquito, tap dancing on her taut stomach, deciding which spot it wanted to prick into first. There was no sign of lethargy or recent slumber as Princess Loona’s left hand swiftly rose from the pillow it hand been lying on and THWACKED the mosquito to death. Shreds of squished mosquito entrails and her blood splattered on her cappuccino skin. Princess Loona wiped the mush off with her hand and wiping it on the bedsheet got off the bed in one lithe swing. Since she slept naked, there was no gathering the clothes involved. Princess Loona stretched like a cat – arms raised, back arched, butt squeezed in, breasts thrust out and moaned as she stretched.

Then she went to her bedside table and started putting on her Armour: special bra made of woven together fine platinum threads that could mould according to the breast size of the wearer. Magnetic Man Repulsor waist chain, which could change colour according to the type of man near. Princess Loona had however, lost the colour decoder. The Crucial Cigarette Case Cum Cellphone Case. The cigarette case was very important: one side of it contained cigarettes that kept Princess Loona as the responsible, Model Princess that she was supposed to be. The other side contained cigarettes that brought out the dreaded Loonacity Curse: it was the curse where Princess Loona had been cursed that she would NOT be able to keep her mouth shut. Be it her personal life or whatever else, she WOULD have to open her mouth and speak. Now things would have been simple if the curse had been JUST that – all Loona had to do was say whatever she had to say either silently or hidden to anonymously – but the curse had not been JUST that!

The curse was that she would ALWAYS have an audience so her ‘truths’ would be heard far and wide…and the more people would hear, the more they would laugh at her. Because whenever she would speak, others would just hear gibberish. They would see her gesticulating, arguing, debating, but would hear gibberish. And she would become the laughing stock of all. THAT was the curse. So now to save the Kingdom that Princess Loona had created and to protect the citizens of the palace, the Grand Vizier had advised her to Keep Her Mouth Shut. And for that purpose, had devised the magic Shutup cigarettes.

Next Princess Loona wore her Dangerous Danglers, which with a mere twist of the dangling part could change into a smoke bomb, a highly skilled key to get anywhere if you could straighten it out properly and an excellent man-poke in crowded places. What many people didn’t know, was that the Dangerous Danglers were also earplugs that Princess Loona often left here and there to eavesdrop later. She was currently cajoling the R&R department to make special danglers that had earplugs with inbuilt, remote-operated grenades as well. Who knows when you might need to blow up wherever those danglers were last left behind?
Princess Loona looked at herself in the mirror. Satisfied with what she saw, she added kajal to her eyes for the final effect and stepped outside her room to go meet the citizens who, well, wanted to meet her. As she walked out, her trusted maid ran after her and said, “Princess Loona! You have forgotten your pants!”

Unfazed that she was naked – there was actually no one to see her – she walked back to her bedside and realized she had forgotten to wear the most important part of her eArmour: the chastity belt. THAT was the part Princess Loona REALLY hated because it was all a scam. The chastity belt had a very strategic loophole. But Princess Loona was not supposed to talk about it and was STILL supposed to wear the damn thing. It endangered her life and they wouldn’t hear of it. And the weight, of the weight!

As she wore her jeans over the chastity belt, Princess Loona realized she was wearing the wrong breasts for the occasion: she was going to meet lots of couple friends and she did not want the men looking at her too much or the women hating her. As a sign of her curse, Princess Loona now had shapeshifting breasts. On good days, she could have big boobs, small boobs, pert boobs, pendulous boobs, whatever she wanted. However, due to some intrinsic malfunction – boobs changing shape has a lot of hormonal ups and down involved and something short circuited – her boobs had become moody. So they could behave weird. Like right now. Princess Loona needed her boobs to be Just Enough, to declare they were there, she was a woman but not draw too much attention. However, her boobs were having a moody fit and were merrily, rather healthily jiggling at a 36 C, being all bouncy and the type of breasts that every tee shirt looks too small for, particularly a body fitting one. And to add to her troubles the platinabra had decided to do justice to the boobs and had given them a wonderpush as well. So now she had a cleavage deeper than the Grand Canyon inviting further exploration.

“I cant go to the meeting like this,” said Princess Loona to the Grand Vizier who was busy advising Another Young Girl. His eyes lighting up, the Vizier sent the girl away and looked at Loona, “They look luscious,” said the Vizier… while his face remained the same, his body had started shivering, and of their own volition, the Vizier’s hands started moving towards Princess Loona’s Squeeze Me Now boobs.

“Don’t touch them!” threatened Princess Loona, “Vizier, don’t behave like a man, behave like the trusted advisor you are supposed to be! It’s not the boobs, it’s the curse that is making you want to touch them. Look at me Vizier, look at my face, the spell will break for now…” the Princess implored the Vizier, but to no avail. She tried another tactic, “I have set them to self-explode if molested!” The Vizier’s hands were now on Princess Loona’s boobs, but before he could do further damage – no one knew what happened to shapeshifting boobs if damaged – Loona threw her final cards on the table, “If you touch my boobs I will BLOG about you!”

The Vizier woke up, as if, from an evil spell and reminded Loona, “You are NOT to talk about blogging or discussing things. You are to Keep Your Mouth Shut.”
Moral of the story: Every chastity belt has a loophole but you have to keep your mouth shut about it.

From Eve* aka Clit Chatting: Hmmm. I have been honest on my blog so far. But the honesty does not seem to be going down too well. So HELL! I am bored writing what I have been and even more bored trying to explain. Arre yaar, think what you people have to. In fact, here, I shall make it even better.
So now, meet Princess Loona… and well, this is it! Eve* or me, will write the 'regular' posts, but more so this will be Eve*'s narration of what's up in Princess Loona's life. Is Loona’s life parallel to Eve*s? Shrug. Might just be. Let's draw conclusions here and not draw swords, okay?
PS: I am dramatic, but then, what to do, I am like this. Only.


& said...

well chatted Clit ... drum rolls for the Lunatic, the emancipated woman who cannot and shall not remain silent... look fwd to the continued story of Loona, the liberated princess

taurius1 said...

shapeshifting boobs?
Now there's something to worry about. >_<

nitin said...

greetings o kanya! :)

this is by far the best piece of emerging literature i've read from you darling...

looking forward to the adventures of loona


Shady said...

Humor and Sci-fiction :D

Keep it up I am here to read it till the end