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November 3, 2006

I suck, but NOT by choice

Should I write about the blow job bit first, to get those eye balls, or should I write about the Real Intent Of This Posts. And that is to unabashedly accept that I have become a Major Whiner. I can whine about everything and anything. From my no bank balance (and doesn't look like it in a while) status, to the job-that-I-have-to-leave-because-the-bastards-wont-pay-me, to the weekend fever I've been getting for four weeks now, for not having a computer and having to write my blog first and then type it out, to the current romantic situation that involves only Dude and that's no situation at all, the no desire for sex for the last three days (rather I suddenly realised I had not done anything or even thought about sex for the last two days and that is not normal for me)... and the kind of fait accompli I have for the things that are happening.

And of course the absolute frigidity towards words like hope, optimism, etc. Not because I am depressed or any shit like that, but because those words seem illogical. I mean, 2+2=4, right? Then when there is a five and a six and they don't add to four. Then how the fuck can anyone say, "Blah, blah and basically blah is not happening, but baby, BELIEVE in a better future." Of course I do, moron, I don't like getting the stick all the time either. If I want my carrots, depression wont help. But now I am left with this whining. And then they say believe in a better future. Based on what?

And then they forward sickening mails that say if-you-think-things-are-wrong-look-at-bla-bla-bla and send you pictures of starving kids, and blown up skulls and raped women and dead animals and famine and disease and old people left on the road. And they tell you NOT to feel about your own life because there are a whole lot of others in a lot of ugly situations. "So thank the Almighty for what he gave you!" Question: didn't the same Almighty give all the rape-disease-abortion-starvation to all those people as well? It's on moments when I see such emails and meet the Illogically Optimistic Fools that I really want to abuse. Like right now, and somehow "mothafucka" just doesn't cut it. Bhorsdeekay...all those suggesting positive thinking - show me the fucking facts that add up to a rosy future. Aargh. Anyway.

See what I mean? Despite me doing what I have to do to get out of the Various Shit I am in, I cant help the whining and feeling bad about myself. But here I am whining and sorting things out...Not because there is any great hope, or the Almighty or the Destiny that would suddenly turn (Sugar daddy? Ha ha)...It's just in my nature to not take things lying down and do my thing. Just that it's getting a wee bit difficult each time. And if you add the number of "each times" there have been...That's a lot of wees.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha ha !!
why won;t you go out in the rain and play..

jerry said...

cheers!

Anonymous said...

my dear clit..oh wait tat doesn't sound right :)
my dear eve, i bow to the guru..i am merely a student, learning the ways of the carnal world one shag at a time.
aye to everything u said bout my post..me thinks tat one night stands r a great idea..i've just been too chicken to have any. my one nighters have always culminated into more than that..n i agree they r sometimes just good for the night, not too gteat in the day. who gives a shit bout their fave coffee flavour.
there is nothing romantic bout sex..its pure passion n desire..
love making can maybe qualify as romantic..but there is nothing bloody romantic bout doggy style is there now? ;)
p.s the guru (i.e. you) can claim guru dakshina anytime.