The one-sided love affair

Single-minded dedication like single-sided (better known as one-sided) love, is tough to maintain. Like you cannot go on loving someone without returns – unless the other dies or something and then you can continue loving the martyr despite no returns – dedication to something more than you or your personal interests is tough. Many questions arise; both in terms of single-minded dedication and one-sided or non-expectant love:

1. Are you doing the right thing?

Is your dedication to a cause well found or are you just barking up the wrong tree and joining an already vociferous gang of rabble-rousers? Why do you love the other when you are not getting returns? Is it because s/he has done something exceptional for you, is an exceptional person or simply that you feel so grateful that you are loving them… as a last recourse? IF you have a single doubt about why you love another or whether you are doing the right thing, please take it as a sign that perhaps your gut knows better than your head. Listen to your gut and stop. On the other hand, if you are SURE of what you are doing, don’t sway. Fuck the Rules of Romantic Engagement and keep on loving. (At the most, you’d just be disappointed, hah)

2. Why should you do so if there are no returns?

But then, does everything have to be for returns? What if the returns are intangible and cannot be seen in terms of this gained or that lost? Ditto about loving someone who does not love you back. If you want to martyr yourself for someone who cannot reciprocate, KNOW what you are doing. Don’t turn around and start feeling hurt and rejected later; it does not work that way. Like dedication to a cause, one-sided love is complete in itself. There will be NO returns, no thankyous and most of the times, not even an acknowledgement of your affections. If you are prepared for that, sure, you’re most welcome to go on loving/ moping for someone who does not love you. If you are hoping that by doing the one-sided thing for 5 years, your love will turn to you; am sorry to say, you are walking into a disappointing situation.

3. How long will you keep up with it?

Please refer to point 2 above: There are no deadlines to return-of-love and neither are there deadlines to dedicating yourself to a cause. As is the case with love and causes, instead of sorting out, both tend to get rather convoluted with time. Be prepared.

4. Is there no short cut to doing it and still keeping your sanity/ self-preservation in sight?

Nope. You are either in or you are out. There are no half ways. You can either love and be dedicated, or you cannot. There is no “I will love you till the full moon” and then getting out of it. If it’s the full moon you are waiting for, it’s a sham you are indulging in. It’s about FEELING. When you begin feeling, there are no half ways. You simply FEEL. The love, the hope, the angst, the wait, the trepidation, the ache…and it’s all around you. When you love one person crazily, it spills on to the others around you. I sincerely have never been able to understand the emotions of those who claim to love one person crazily and then go about being nasty to others. If you are doing that, then dude, your ‘love’ for that one special person is questionable too. Love does not restrict. And someone incapable of loving all, can never love One person. It’s just selfishness.

5. Is it practical and advisable in today’s day and age to indulge in one-sided love?

Of course not, and therefore you wont find many doing it. Neither will you find many dedicated to any cause even if it’s the cause of better health and joining a gym. Timings don’t match, ideas don’t gel, the trainer isn’t right and so on and so forth. Loving someone without returns is also fraught with doubts. Don’t get into it if you are not up for the whole ride. Like Dedication. You need time, you need constant motivation… and MOST importantly, you have to be prepared to be Alone.

Abjectly alone. Proudly alone. With your head held high. YOU have to believe. Rest, don’t even bother to see what happens.

Much going on in head. Rock band, saving a river, saving my people (who don’t even know me)… And somewhere, accepting that perhaps more than me finding it hard to love someone… Others perhaps find it tough to love me. Shrug. (Smiles)

PS: Repeats to self: “Am a rebel warrior with my head held high. Ami bidrohi.” And desperately holds on to that thought, clutches it, in fact. My WILL is my only Hope. Won't let go, won't, won't, won't. And I truly don't need anyone. There are some moments of weakness; but gradually, I will learn to tame those as well.