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July 22, 2010

Mamma's Mia...

...is finally here. Born two weeks early according to the calendar but not a day earlier if you ask me. All that begging to my belly and imploring to meet her seems to have worked. And no, despite it looking staged, the pose was her own doing.

I don't have words to describe what I am feeling. Fatigued to the bone could be apt but somehow that's not it. It's almost 7am here, I've been up since 5am, fed her, cleaned second round of yellow potty (I now know five different shades) in the night, put her back to bed and then couldn't sleep.

Despite all advice that says "sleep when the baby sleeps", it ain't that easy. For one, when everyone else is sleeping -- Mia included -- is about the only time I get to cuddle-cuddle her, as against cuddle-to-calm or cuddle-to-feed. Everyone else seems to get heaps of time just doing nothing with her. On the other hand, I seem to only feed, clean, repeat the same and then put her to bed because "You NEED to sleep JB". I even get scolded for not sleeping enough.

But what to do? It's just SO much fun just watching her, even when she' doing nothing but sleeping. The result being I look like something that should hide under a rock, I am even hairy to fit the part. My eyes look like an Amazonian toad's and I haven't really looked at the rest of me. Thankfully babies neither see very clearly at this age -- 5 days old as I type -- nor remember what they see (hopefully). Because if they do then I am afraid that every time Mia sees someone with a moustache, she's going to think it's her mom. Hrmph.

Her birth was (almost) by the book, much to my surprise. I had been nervous that I wouldn't be up to the job and had been mentally prepared for a caesarian. In fact ever since reaching week 36, I'd been trying to coax my doctor (absolutely love her and very grateful as well) to discuss the merits of elective caesarian. Of course, my doctor heard me out patiently, pretended to agree and then came up with devious ways to keep me going week after week. Thankfully though, Mia decided she wanted to come out early.

I was sitting at the computer having put up a FB message bemoaning the baby not coming and now (ie then) playing Mushroom Farm Revolution on addictinggames.com when I realised I had pee-d in my pants without meaning to pee in my pants. As in, I didn't want to go, but was going.

Now I was confused because a week earlier I had actually pee-d in bed. Well not intentionally but it's kinda hard to get out of bed easily when you're hugely pregnant and I think I was dreaming about going to the loo and then woke up cold to realise I had wet my bed. I was horrified. I had called the hospital thinking I'd broken my bag of waters only to be told that it was just incontinence and as a 31-year-old I'd just done soo-soo in bed. I was sooooo upset.

So then when the not-going-but-going happened, I called the hospital, confused and horrified that now I was pant-wetting when awake! This time though the midwife said, "Sounds like your waters breaking. You need to come to the hospital, is your partner around?" Partner was at an official function. My first reaction was, "Baap re, it's happening." As I called him, there was this HUGE gush and the first thing I said as Partner answered the phone was, "Oh my god I am leaking. Come home!"

Despite having packed my hospital suitcase two days earlier -- just-in-case planning -- I'd proceeded to then wear things out of it so in the end, leaking all the while, I just stood there not knowing what to do and without a clue about where things were. My uterus was leaking while my brain was frozen. Partner arrived, we threw stuff into the case and dashed off. That night I was kept under observation.

Next day at 11am the doctor confirmed that almost all of the amniotic fluid was gone and that she was going to hormonally induce me. Twelve hours, four hours of active pain, much moaning, some crying and one epidural later, I felt the urge to have the biggest shit in my life. Except I was informed that it was the baby coming.

I had had visions of me giving birth rather dignified. You know, lying on a bed wearing a white gown or something, hair neatly combed, gentle beads of sweat on my forehead, feet apart, holding on to the railing or to Partner's hand, cursing some... And then a baby is born and I cry etc etc. In the end, my dress was up my boobs, my legs were up in the air, held by the midwife and Partner on either side, my hair was all over, I was grunting and while I obeyed commands to "Take a deep breath, hold it, pull legs closer to chest and now PUSHHHHH"... All I could think of was "I REALLY want to poo" and "I don't want to poo in the doctor's hands."

It was surreal, having three people looking up your (my) fanny. One in concentration ("There's a bulge, no head yet), another in expectation ("Yes, the cervix is fully dilated") and the third in awe ("I do see her head, push baby, push!"). Eventually much to the surprise of the midwife -- "Most women do it here you know" -- I did not shit on the birthing table. Instead Mia was mostly-pushed and partly-sucked out. She was placed on my chest, all wet and mucusy and I had my arm around her and I didn't cry but Partner did and I was thinking, "She has elf-ears" followed by a loud "Can I go and poo now? I really need to*."

Whatever it was that I had thought giving birth would be like, I was proven wrong on most counts. And I am SO bloody happy about it. I can't write about what (or how) I am feeling about Mia because frankly, I am speechless/wordless. She just makes me feel too many things all at the same time and the only feeling that I can describe is that when I hold her close to my chest, her head under my chin, arms spread out, her eyes closed and me smelling her... it makes breathing easy for me and clears my head of every other thought.

*PS: It never happened.

22 comments:

unpredictable said...

OMG! Congratulations :) Interesting times ahead. Sleep or no sleep, hope you have tons of fun :D

eve's lungs said...

That feeling when one holds the muck encrusted baby for the first time is indescribable .I feel an immense surge of love for my child even now when I think of it .Congratulations , Jhoomur - the baby is beautiful.

MRC said...

Congrats to both of you and lots of love to Mia! (She's almost a year younger than Artim)Oh and btw, Welcome to the world of the sleep-deprived ;)

Dee said...

Congratulations!!

She is beautiful :)

Chaitra said...

Congratulations JB.. Mia looks beautiful :)

the cowlick said...

I'm in my week 36, and keep thinking of things that you've mentioned.. packing the bag, but then continuing to use stuff out of it; leaking when I'm least expecting it; all of it happening when husband's in office; pooping in the doctor's hands.. but reading your post gives me hope. Congrats, JB! And well done!

soin said...

ah the finger. like harry potter great kick ass things expected from the kid. no pressure. congratulations .free

sharbori21 said...

hey, congratulations and lots of love to Mia and you.

your post is hilarious, real and fabulous. I had a very similar experience some 26 years ago barring the breaking of water. She instead was swimming in the sack with the chords around her neck, and hence was partly pulled out and partly pushed out.

I too looked at her ears and thought to myself that she had funny earlobes.

I enjoyed being a mother, having her besides me, breastfeeding her, playing with her little feet and hands, constantly smelling her, poking my nose into her neck while she was sleeping, etc, almost to the chagrin of the rest of the household. My father used to call me a "baby torturer" LOL. :-)

Have fun and take care.

Eve* aka JB said...

hello hello... thank you all. i realy should sleep. and express . adn feed. adn sleep. ta ta. ha ha. going a bit nutty.

Sree said...

hey bit nutty, before you turn into super nutty, lemme say something.YOU sing to her, okay.Shes going to be the only person who would ask you to sing. I mean really. Mine still ask me to sing and i feel like a pop star. the mallu kind.
atleast balo bashe etc sounds soothing.
Reading this I so want to get back to regular and take her to all the classes she wishes to join.Drawing, violin and swimming.I cant wait i cant wait.
You rest.eat.feed.check out the poo's etc.Keep it cool.hope your family be visiting.

Mystique said...

congratulations! Mia's a beauty.

simplypallu said...

I'd been waiting for the news, refreshing the page at least twice everyday. Yay! Congratulations!! (Now I'll go read more.)

simplypallu said...

Sigh! Mia. I love that name. And loved your post. Cheers.

Deepti said...

Congrats Jbo ... so happy for you .. Mia is a princess :)

Sparkling said...

Congratulations!!! :)))
She looks beautiful!!!

Mia - the princess' diary begins...

:)

Bum said...

Hey, congratulations! x]

ahmad raza said...

congratulations!!

Eveline said...

Oh my God! Welcome Mia :) She's so cute. Am glad you're doing good too! Congratulations to the two of you!!! I am so happy for two (three?) strangers... it amazes me! :) Oh... could you please plant a kiss on Mia's forehead for me?

Gayatri said...

she's beautiful

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Jhoomur... A beautiful baby for a beautiful mother.. And the post made me cry(proven that childbirth has not frozen ur brain)..
Have fun with the child. These times are fun-filled and yucky at the same time.. cheers...

Espèra said...

Ooooh I missed this post!
Okay I thought about-to-deliver women were given something to clear out their systems so that they didN'T shit on the table.

koyel said...

Congrats!!!Mia is so beautiful. enjoy motherhood.