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August 2, 2010

Cuz you are a whale, you stupid bat.

Right. I’ve had it with women, especially other mothers. Particularly absolute strangers who take one look at Mia and instantly go (on and on), “Ah, but she is very small, isn’t she?”

I don’t hold anything against moms who forget that their babies were equally small at birth. I DO understand that compared to their babies – who could now be two or ten months old – Mia does look small. Comments from them are all right because I know there is no stupid comparison-shit happening there.

It is comments from the I-feel-superior mothers – “Yes, she is rather small. My baby was such-and-such size at birth. She is very small, really” – that really piss me off. And yes Mia is small because she’s two-bloody-weeks-old. Given that I birthed a human baby and not a troll, she’s supposed to be small. Like every other two week old baby.

I also understand that Mia was not the standard 4 kgs-plus-size baby. She was 3 kgs at birth, which by the way is 50 percentile of most babies born. According to my doctor, Mia’s a great size given that her mother’s size is “only 10 percentile of average women”. A 3 kg-48.5 cm-baby from a mother who is petite and 5 feet tall is not “oh so small”. It’s bloody brilliant. Mia also has a beautifully shaped, small head. A mercy if you ask me. I delivered her naturally with a natural tear that needed two stitches instead of a perineum-to-bloody-belly button tear.

What irritates me (to put it politely) is how some women feel superior because their babies were huge at birth.

If I may point out here, unless a mother was malnourished or was cranked up on heroine or steroids, most mothers do not consciously contribute towards their babies sizes. You eat and rest well and try do everything right and hope the baby is a good size. All babies develop differently – and independently – inside the uterus. You, dear mother, have had nothing to do with your baby being big or small.

Some mothers have big babies because they had gestational diabetes. And that’s not a good thing. Again though, it’s not as if as the mother wanted to have diabetes. Similarly, no mother wants a premature baby or a small-at-birth baby. It happens. You deal with it and you (and I) love your baby irrespective of size.

Size is also not any guarantee that your baby will be/is healthy. A big baby could have a plethora of problems while a small baby could be fit as a fiddle or vice versa. As I said, you hope for the best for your baby. Mia, like all my friends who’ve had big babies and the friend who had twins, is a healthy baby and doing well (god bless).

Unlike a lot of babies who were born along with her, she does not cry a lot. She is a happy, content baby and cute as a button (I’m prejudiced, shrug). I don’t feel superior about her calm nature because (a) I have nothing to do with her not crying and (b) She could turn into a screamer, who knows?

So I’ve decided that I’ve had enough with mothers trying to make me feel bad – so they can feel better about themselves – about Mia’s size. Next time a mother comments on her oh-so-smallness I shall have a ready response*. *(Anyone having to deal with similar comments, feel free to use any of the below or if you come up with something better, share here.)

“Ah your baby is too small isn’t she? My baby was such-and-such size at birth.”

Possible responses:

“Oh really. Must be because I am petite and you are SO huge.” (Look her up and down disbelievingly) OR

“It takes a GINORMOUS waist to birth something THAT big.” (Spread your arms real wide; however, do follow it up with a, “But isn’t s/he cute?”) OR

“Your vagina must be a gaping hole you poor thing!” (Look horrified) AND

“And er, what’s that on your skin? Not doing too well after the birth, are you?” (Even women with flawless skin will spend at least two days fretting)

(Scowl) If any of the above is mean and nasty, so be it. It’s not f*cking nice to go commenting on other peoples’ kids. If you don’t have anything nice to say – and you don’t need to – just f*cking shut up. Stupid cows.

PS: The picture is a hippo and not a whale, in case some of you wondered. ;)


sinusoidally said...

Yeah I like all your answers ready. Do not be shy using them. People are so retarded...

Sree said...

:) At 16 etc i used say the 'soo small, choo tiny'comment whenever we went to see some new born and my mom would tell me not to say that.haha..but that was out of amazement.
Oh..this comaparison shit is gonna be there forever.Ive had one mother stop talking to me since I forgot to mention her kid in one dance program along with mine and few others.Followed by silly acts to show me her kid can dance too.How do i tell there is nothing to compete? sigh.

Anonymous said...

Good answers. Do use them next time!

Maddie said...

Hey, your baby is perfect. When I saw Mia's pic, my first reaction was, she is so big and healthy. My son was only 2.25 kgs at birth, on the boderline of being underweight. So don't worry. Had you been in India, you would have got questions like, do you have enough milk, don't think your milk is enough her, she keeps crying all the time, have you fed her properly. That's even worse.

Eve* aka JB said...

@ Maddie: Thanks for sharing that. i know what you're saying...first 3-4 days my boobs were hurt real bad trying to feed her. So I started expressing and feeding through the bottle. Know the constant question? "When are you back on the boob" etc. There ALWAYS seems to be something a mother OUGHT to be doing. Good on you, hope you and bub are doing well.

Eve* aka JB said...

@ Anonymous: Hope to use...usually I get tongue-tied (yes it happens) and think of all things i COULD have said later.

@ Sree: At 16 is fine and genuine amazement is all right as well. It's the comparing morons...but you know what I'm saying. :)

sulagna ™ said...

JB congratulations on Mia...sorry was out of blogger for a while..all my love and wishes for the baby and you and partner..ignore such jerks...this is just the beginning..there will be many more, so just bite their heads off and walk proudly with your lil princess :)

the cowlick said...

Yup.. going through the EXACT same thing already, even when the baby's not even out yet.

My doctor keeps going through fucking notes after notes and stats after stats to confirm what size baby a person of my height and (pre-pregnancy) weight might deliver. He's 2.3kg inside me right now, and by Indian standards THAT's FINE, but they just keep sending me for tests after tests to figure out if everything's okay, even though their next sentence always is, "hmm, he SEEMS to be growing fine.."

The average European woman is 5.5 feet, and bloody 70 kilos! No wonder she will deliver a 4 kilo baby and think it could have been bigger..

Grumble grumble..

Sankoobaba said...

i liked the "shut up" response much better to such women...
ha ha--on a serious note..why is is necessary for people to say something negative when they see anything...why cant they say ur daughter looks like scarlet johansen..or ur son looks like matt damon..or look he is kicking ..he will become messi..

i love hippo's... ok.. im out of context...


Eve* aka JB said...

@ Sankoo: you do know that hippos kill more people than crocodiles?

Espèra said...

"I delivered her naturally with a natural tear that needed two stitches instead of a perineum-to-bloody-belly button tear."

WHAT? People get torn upto their BELLY BUTTONS? *horrified*

G said...

How about good old "Shut the F*** Up" or better still, "You Smell" :-)

Eveline said...

HA HA HA spectacular!
I had these aunties coming up to my older sister when she gave birth to her baby and telling her how her the little one was so friggin tiny.
I KNOW!! I hate that! I never know what to do either. Does shaming them help at all? I just don't know. You would think they have to know all the reasons why they shouldn't be doing it, but have chosen to anyway.

We confront them and then, what? Risk a shouting match, a nasty confrontation or a fight?

Bum said...

Haha, LOVED the "vagine must be a gaping hole" one! xD

Also, are you serious about women having to get stitched upto their belly-buttons?! O_O

Anonymous said...

Not sure if I have commented here earlier. But, hey, am a regular reader :)

Loved this post! I can sooo relate to it being a new mom ( to a 5 month old first one) myself.

Know what, you are extra brilliant when you are fuming angry :D

Keep these fab responses handy, they are gonna come in pretty liberally in all stages with the little one now.

* muah * to the cute button :)

Eve* aka JB said...

@ Cowlick: Hmm. Had my last scan and test at 34 wks...Mia was 2.31 in the womb and doc said that was fine. Sounds like your docs are worrying unnecessarily...your bub WILL be fine.gotta run, just heard a major YOWL that my presence is demanded.

Beauty and the BEast said...

First and foremost.. CONGRATULATIONS!!! It must feel wonderful every single time you look at Mia!! Screw the world! I mean honestly I think most women are riding on an insecurity which makes them want to put the other down. And I dont think it restricts itself to babies!! You know the constant reassurance that you have the best deal? That kind of syndrome!! argh!

Anyway!! Enjoy being a new mommy!! And loads and loads of love to Mia...

eve's lungs said...

sshhh let cows be cows . Mia's a beautiful baby :)

the mad momma said...

bwahhaaa.. you're turning into a mommy blogger. welcome aboard :)
i got the whole, your baby is so small thing all the time. and i had the same to say - dude, her mother was 43 kilos before she got pregnant. what size baby do you expect that body to produce? both mine were 2.9 kilos and the average weight of an Indian baby - new research - is 2.4 kilos. so tell them to put that in their pipe and smoke it.

Eve* aka JB said...

@ mad momma: Aha. That should help greatly. People here keep comparing to the size of an average Aussie baby. They are quite big. :) tks for the info!