*NEW* Recent blog entries

May 30, 2008

Say my f*****g name.

A rose is a rose by any name, but what if you are not a fucking rose? It’s taken me 20-fucking-9 years to realize that I am fucked; ALL thanks to my name. :( Much as I love my parents, I might just sue them for it.

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different, you know your name is safe in their mouth,” is what Sam deBrito writes in one of his posts and goes on to say that’s one of the best definitions of love he has come across. Very sincerely, if THAT really is the definition of love, I am TRULY fucked.

My name is by far the most phonetically challenging names even I have EVER heard in my life. Given the mail that comes to office and is addressed to ‘MR Jhoomur’, I was shocked to realize that perhaps to some my name sounds masculine… Or married since the other envelopes are all addressed as “Mrs”. And to think that I used to be upset about the fact that people usually laughed when they first heard my name. Like in school…

In each and every of the 12 schools I studied in, each new-student-introduction got more or less the same reaction… ‘More or less the same’ as the reactions changed in degrees of cruelty with each class. In the junior classes it was “Goodmorning my name is Jhoomur Bose,” followed by “BWAHAHAHAHA” from other three-feet tall kids. With the growing years, the kids would not hesitate in asking, “WHAT the hell is THAT name?” Even in schools where people had distinctly different names – like the Sikkim school where kids had names like ‘Tsering’ and ‘Dolma’ but no one found those funny – it was my name that was laughed at.

At the age where friends start calling each other by cool names, my name was severely deficient in the ‘cool quotient’. Y’know how Deepti becomes ‘Dee’, Rupali becomes ‘Pali’ and Jhoomur becomes… ‘Jhoo’? Jhoom? ‘Ur’? And if you call it ‘Joo’, that means lice in Hindi. You can well imagine the common joke when I was 12… Sigh. Worse still was the adolescent “falling in love”. You know how young girls would add their name and take on the second name of their object of affection? Well my name sure as hell did not gel with ANY of the surnames, even the ones I ‘tried on’ just to see if there was anything other than ‘Bose’ that it would rhyme with. :(

Then there were the regional distortions of my name. In the Hindi speaking belts it was always ‘JhoomER’ and the Punjabis, Sikhs and Delhiites would especially find it difficult to get that my name ended with a soft, sweet emphasis on the ‘u’ and not like someone was trying to say something more after they’d said my name. “Have you met Jhoom-er…Er, what? No, no, Jhoom-er” And then everyone would want to know the meaning of my name and no matter what I said, since ‘jhoomar’ in Hindi means a chandelier, people would wonder why my parents had called me a chandelier.

In fact my name has conjured many weird images in peoples’ heads. I remember going to interview this stick-thin model – who has subsequently moved to Mumbai after dumping her restaurant-owner boyfriend in Delhi – and as I walked in, she says, “Oh you are so small. On hearing your name I was expecting some huge, bindi wearing Bengali woman.” Given that I WAS fat those days, that didn’t go down well. I really wanted to tell her that since I was still young and quite na├»ve, her accent had suggested I was going to meet someone more sophisticated and since she was a “model” and all, how come she was dating the ugliest man I had seen on earth? Anyway, I didn’t say all that since my journalistic ethics were strong. Bitch.

Then there were the Anglo-Indians who pronounced the name in such a long, drawn out way that it ended up sounding like some long lost ape species, “The jhooomooor that is found in the jungles of…” In parts of Punjab, they could not pronounce the ‘jh’ and with their love for adding a double-emphasis (Hunny, Happy, Luckky, Tinna) and inability to say the double OO, my name became, “Chummer”. Yea…THAT. Now with me going global and meeting people from different parts of the world, it’s just getting better… French call me “Zoomurrr”, the Britons think the ‘r’ at the end is silent (it’s not), most people stare weirdly at my mouth when am saying my name to see how it’s said (and still get it wrong), some Australians call me “Jhoo” (cringes) and yet others will not call me anything but ‘JB’. :(

I am emotionally distressed, ok? Like when people name their babies and use a bit of both parents names… I can’t use either part of my name so naming my kids after me is out of the question. Even if I were to try, the kids would probably end up sounding like a brand of jam or something. And then if all this wasn’t enough, I realized that my name is the least romantic (read, sex-friendly) name. You really cannot say it during sex you know. “Oh baby, Jhoomur, oh” and that’s it. Orgasm delayed by the next 20 minutes.

PS: And THEN Barkha Datt asks me, “Why didn’t you put your real name on the blog?”

22 comments:

Social Rebel! said...

Good one Jbo... it was funny!!
How about Jhoomar, jhummar or joomar, lol ok don't fret at me now, just exploring more versions!

Crimson Feet said...

lol... sorry but that WAS funny!

....to be honest, I think you have one of the sweetest sounding and most original names I have known! (theres another one that beats you in originality but doesn't come close in sweetness... its a sir name called Chutani.. i laughed for three days at a strecth after hearing it for the first time! obviously not in front of the person concerned... now thank your stars!! ;) ...no offence to anyone here, there, everywhere!)

maxine said...

How glad I am you are Jhoomur.
The next thing you would need to practice is how to say your name over the phone.Like J for Jam,H for honey,O for Orange,M for men :p

And JB rhymes with jelebi.Isnt that sweet!hehe.I FEEL your emotional distress.

Shaazi said...

“BWAHAHAHAHA”...hehe jus copyin ur evil laugh..I finally found someone who shares the same plight…

Trust me..this name stuff can actually get you into a depression.

My Plight begins when I see my mails addressed to either “ Mr. Shaaz” or worse “ Mr. Charles” … what the heck…how can someone change the whole damn spelling???

North Indians cant refrain themselves from calling me “Saas” like I jus walked out of a Hindi TV serial OR even worse when they call me “Sauce” …. I hope they know that they really sound weird!!!

Worse is when I am traveling at great speed in an open vehicle and I hear my name all the time…. My name does end with a “zzzzzzzzz” so at that speed u jus get to hear that and Im all heads and ears around.

So JB  I will call you “Tina” like the old days and yesss you are not alone… Stuck with a name like that.. Muuuaahh!

Never Mind!! said...

So how do you say your name? We
know how not to say it :)

Solitaire said...

OMG! I want to laugh out loud!!! Can I?

Anonymous said...

Okay I have ALSO always suffered on account of my surname.
Those who of you know it, can imagine that it rhymes with the stupidest words in Hindi and my sisters and i always had the most retarded rhymes directed as us.
when you are growing up and anyway have such a difficult trying to get a grip in this world, such things really are hurting and pissing off.
ummm....i guess i am a bona fide punjabi only, i also thought your name was Jhoomar, as in a jewelery piece and only coz you are hip and all you use a U before the R.
:(

'N'

p.s but tell me , you've had no advantages because of a unique name...a friend of mine has a long, unforgettable name and sometimes it is useful because people never forget her name!

Eve* aka jb said...

:D Hello, hello, so we are all having a laugh at my expense are we? Sigh, the cruel, cruel world. :)

'N' --> dont know whether people remember my name because it's unique, or because lately I had decided to explain its pronounciation by saying, "It's jhOOmur like jOOcy..." :D

Shaazi --> Nah only mom uses Teena and much as the name might create confusion am hoping that practice will make it perfect, so we shall stick with the jhoomur please! :) Btw i have always considered your name super sexy, "Shaaz, mmmm". :P

Crimson --> chutani? bwahaha, ok sorry. My dad once told me that this strapping army major entered his room for some discussion and dad was foxed because his nameplate read, "Major Cunt". Apparently it was pronounced Sunt (as in the Hindi 'suno')... :D imagine having a name like THAT!

Rebel --> We shall stick to JBo (as an editor christened me and it stuck) and forget all others; shall not respond to any of those versions. hmph.

Maxine --> I had a very good friend who was named after a Hindi actress you know.... (Sly grin) And jalebi?! I was called Rosogolla in the Amritsar school because i was round. :|

Solitaire -->Laugh away, i know the world is cruel. Heh heh.

rantravereflect said...

bwaaaaaah!!!
tat was so figgyn funny!
now ya wan me to offend ya some more:
jhoomer ryhmes well with boom boom boomer..
jhoomer sounds like the short version of jhoom (barab)er jhoom ;)

well, but i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ya nameeeeee..
i swear..
ya're unique woman!!!

Shruti said...

dude atleast ur name is unusual,a little too unusual!my name is so fucking common, when i wrote my board exams, there was an entire classroom filled with shrutis' :(

Crimson Feet said...

HAHAHHAHA... Major Cunt... as in... not any regular, aaltu faaltu, run of the mill Cunt!! PPKZSH (i have just decided to give up eng chat acronyms... instead of ROTFL, I'll use PPKZSH - Pet Pakad Ke Zor Se Hasna) :)

Shady said...

I am happy that you had more trouble with your name that I had with mine ( see how am i happy at misery of my friends)

Saket yeah thats my name and I lived for 10 years in that area dang I was known as the kid who would tell where he lived isted of his name .

Doc : beta whats is your name
Me : saket
Doc No beta , I am asking your name
Me : Saket

Doc : now irritated i am asking your name

Me : Dryly :- and I am teling you my name

Doc: hey send this guy to asylum

Eve* aka JB said...

Shady

'Saket' is anyday better than being called 'Safdarjung'!
:D

ariaa said...

Eve,
What would you choose urself?What name would you like to give urself?

Jhoomur is indeed unique.In my 29 years this is the first time i have come acroos this name.But i dont think its wierd or funny at all, just sounds very Indian.

Eve* aka JB said...

Dear Ariaa...welcome to the blog! Also, would not change my name for a minute; though still considering suing parents. I've had legendary wars to preserve the phonetics and the sanctity of my name... And also because I can't imagine myself being anything but what I am, or named. Somewhere it contributes in a big way to who or how I am, and while that causes pain to quite a few people; makes and keeps me bloody happy.

DG said...

Well, JB you are not alone. My surname is Ganjoo . All was well when i was a kid in kashmir bcos its a commom to be a ganjoo there but when we moved to delhi, I would cringe each time I had to say my name to the evil kids in my Delhi school. It has caused a lot of heartburn during my growing years but the funny thing is that I enjoy it now. The incredulous look on peoples's faces when they hear my name. It amuses me . :) To top it all, I married a Patel. So that childhood dream I had of borrowing a cool surname from my better half were dashed unceremoniously by destiny. I decided to stick to ganjoo rather than being the cynosure of everyones ridicule for having a last name like ganjoo-patel :)

the mad momma said...

JB - stop fishing. u have a lovely name and you know it.

now what we really want to know is what is your daak naam. i bet its something u can sue parents over!

Anonymous said...

oh you have it good in the name department!

REAL STORY: in Assam, CHUTIYA ( Real spelling) is a very widely used last name.

I was dated a Chutiya once, that was before i knew hindi swear words.

ariaa said...

So the sense of ownership prevails..just as it should.
:)

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha... weird names you guys have... I can afford to say that coz mine is equally weird. I am a south Indian, who looks a south Indian to the core. (Not that we guys look ugly or something, but my name just won’t go with my looks) My name is Henry. And yes, it’s been butchered… royally. Henery, hangry, hengry, and most popular Hendry. And I can relate to JB when she says "During the act" Can you imagine, just to sound sensual, hearing/saying HEN...??? phew... even RY?

Man, name game.... reminds me of Name Sake.
And JB under which article of our legislation can we sue parents??? lol

kiddin... love my name :P

Lt Col Sandeep said...

Name or Naam in hindi is a gift of your parents and is showcase of the names that the people in your childhood days were adopting. No name can be BAD. It some times describes the identity of the indl. Your name Jhoomer show the bindas funky indl in you who can be in the originals in this mookhonte ki duniya.Parents have patented you by aname you live by it.

mystic rose said...

I LOVE your name, as much as I love your blog!