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March 22, 2010

Impatience

I yearn for you and in yearning realise
I have never felt anything like this before.
The fear, the love, the passion,
The overwhelming sense I have been waiting for this.

For so long.

I am dying to touch you, to hold you, to smell you, to cuddle you.
Even to have you puke and dribble on me.
I won’t say I am overjoyed at the thought of,
Ballistic baby potty…

But if it means you have good bowel movement,
I will be enthralled at the efficiency of your li’l bowels.
And your little hands, little toes, round little bottom
And the eyes that I so imagine now.

Eyes like mine, eyes like his.

The eyes that I will look into
And behold the wonder at what you see.
To wonder at what you think
And what or who you will grow up to be.

I cannot wait to have our first argument,
When I will know that you are expressing your will
And despite wanting it my way, an old habit
I will revel in the fact that you have your own opinions.

And moan at how stubborn you can be. (I know it)

I am terrified sometimes that you might not be
But then I banish those thoughts as easily as they come
For you have my will and your father’s strength of being
And I believe you shall be and be all that you can be.

You are the epitome of my hopes, my dreams, all the love I can possibly have.

I know there will be times when you will think I am silly
When perhaps I will not be as cool, calm or smart as other moms
But I hope you will see that I am trying for you
And that at times I will seek your help in being all I can be.

For I do believe there will be things you will know better than me.

I am dying to dress you up, to marvel at the beauty I know you are.
To relive everything I could not be, am not.
I know that soon you will not want to wear what I decide
And I hope that perhaps then you will pick out what I should wear instead

And think that I am the prettiest mom you have ever laid eyes on.

I love you. Already. Totally. Irrevocably.
And I desperately hope you will love me.
It’s not fair, I know, to want so much from you.
But I am weak and I have my faults

And I hope that just like your father, you will love me despite my faults…

I hope you will enjoy head massages and give them to me as well
I want to see you swim even if you laugh at how scared I can be in water
I want to see you dive and hold my hand and teach me how.
I want to see you play and teach me new tricks…

And new words, even though I fear they might be slangs.

I am dying to touch you, to hold you, to smell you, to cuddle you.
To have you and be blessed that you are mine.
Ours. To love.

23 comments:

Pointblank said...

That was a good one.. Quite expressive and details with a range of emotions - love, excitement, hope, fear.. all rolled into one.. Happy mommyhood :)

Eve* aka JB said...

@ Pointblank: Tks for the wishes.

The Dude said...

Nice, very funny and at the same time very simply the truth of the time.

I wish you, hubby and your soon to be little one all the happiness that this world can afford to spare and hopefully you will stay you and make it even more so.

Cheers.

Kiran Sawhney said...

This is the best one coming from a mom to be. It should get awarded. Very Very nice. I am a mom of two teenagers. Yet I can relate to everything. And you are an expecting mom and yet you absolutely know what is in store for you.

Sree said...

wow. I FEEL the love. god bless.

do bigha zameen said...

JB,

Beautiful, can i adopt you as my younger sister !!

Sree said...

Reading again n again.love you extra fro writing this.

go-phish said...

that was really beautiful.... lucky baby :)
lucky you :)

best wishes :D

Sankoobaba said...

"Ballistic baby potty…"

really ...funny ... just imagine!!! hha ha

eve's lungs said...

Lovely ,JB - you'll find it all coming through over time .Trust me I have 2 daughters .And no feeling on earth is as satisfying as holding that yucky mucky morsel ,drenched in birth fluids , for the first time .

eve's lungs said...

the head massages will come in at age5-10 and then after they hit the twenties :p no point in looking for em before that !

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

Perfect. In every which way.

And, it's all that...and much, MUCH more.

Anonymous said...

Right, should've read the FAQ. Would never regret not reading it though.

Eve* aka JB said...

@ Everyone: Why thankyou... that's the output on a 'good' day, on other days i am frantically reading up on tips and tricks to reduce waking up at night and how many times does a baby shit/pee, and how will i know when it is colic crying or hunger crying...a whole lot of things to learn and kinda freaking out. But then I think about the fun and I'm like hmm, I can do it. Finished the first sweater, as in still to join the seams and started on a teddy bear. Except the damn thing involves something called "purl from front and back" and ended up entwining two balls of yarn. Also trying to speed up on the book, has good days and bad ones... Crave Indian food but it gives me such stomach aches that I could cry. I whine a lot. Anyway...thank-you for the response and good to hear from so many of you -- eve's lungs, mammamia -- after long.

@ Sree: :) ilu2

Eveline said...

Awww, that was beautiful! I am suppose to tell you that you rock....Well, You Rock JB! And I'm sure your little one will be pullin' for ya too. You are gonna be a great mom, I just know it. You've got to make sure entries like this are around for the little one when she's old enough to read them and appreciate it.

Eve* aka JB said...

@ Eveline: Dunno if Bub will appreciate it, it was fun writing it nonetheless. Tks!

Sree said...

you are reading about how to detect the crying! mine on the first month, few days after birth infact, when we gave her first bath at home, she suddenly started laughing! non stop. first it was cute n all, but when she didnt stop, i got worried. lol. i mean i dont even know it new borns would laugh so much! my baby. looking back now, all were fine, total waste of worries. hehe. you relax, ok. take a deep breath time to time.

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness. You really do capture the emotions very well! I remember feeling and thinking ALL those things waiting for Cian to arrive.

Eve* aka JB said...

@ Cian's mom: What a surprise reading something from you here! And he's so worth it.

Sparkling said...

Wow! :)
I've just no words to express and I just can't stop reading.

Keep enjoying JB, toujours...

Sunaina said...

Hey I'd mailed you but didn't get any reply from you until now. You have changed your email-id or what?

Sunaina said...

I would be glad if you replied to my mail. Please do reply. :)

Mystique said...

love. when are you due?